Ex husband always does super fun stuff with our daughter?
Ok so me and my ex husband have a custody arrangement where he has her weekends and I have her during the week. this is very new to us and its a really hard and complicated situation. Anyway my thing is i am having a really hard time because my ex has taken my daughter to do something really fun each weekend, bbqs with friends I've never met, fairs and fishing trips, teaching her to swim. is it wrong that this kills me? I want to so bad to be a family and for us all to do this stuff together. ( we hardly ever did stuff like this) but it was not a healthy relationship or situation. I am really mourning the lose of my family. But what can I do to not hurt so much over missing out on all this? is it normal or am I being stupid?
- rrm38Lv 77 years ago
His behavior is somewhat typical for a newly divorced non-custodial parent, and your feelings about it are perfectly normal. I'm sure if you really think about it, you've probably done little things for or with her since the divorce that you didn't do before. I think it's something that just happens subconsciously when we divorce. For whatever reason, we feel the need to overcompensate for the fact that we've disrupted the child's home life. Relax, take a breath and try not to let it get to you too much. As you've said, this is all new for the two of you. In time, you'll all settle into a rhythm that is comfortable... assuming you can remain civil with one another. His urge to overcompensate will be overridden by common sense at some point, and the 'fun dad' weekends will settle into a more mundane routine. Just know that this is a temporary phase as you both adjust to your new family. And don't forget that.... you're still a family, just of a different sort.Source(s): Divorced 11 years, mom of two.
- Love UnitesLv 77 years ago
You're not being stupid. And remember, while he may be doing these super fun things, is you that is there for her for all the day to day things, which is a lot more meaningful. You are going to have far more influence in her life than he is. So don't get jealous, and don't make this a competition. I am sure her father just wants her to keep loving him. He is going through his own issues about the divorce, and probably experiencing his own sorts of insecurities. So don't let what they do on the weekend bother you. Even if you are a little jealous and this does bother you a little, don't EVER show that. It could be that is his goal. If you want to do something fun with your daughter, make some time and do it. But don't try to compete.
- 7 years ago
It's quality time that counts. At amusement parks, shows, movies, and fairs, the time spent does not always equate to a shared experience, but an individual experience for all participants. I.E. Watching a movie in a theater, two people experience the movie uniquely, without interaction.
I do understand your heartbreak 100% - I was absolutely heartbroken at the time of my separation from my daughter's father. It hurt me beyond words that we were *not a family anymore. At the time, this loss was devastating to me, but I always made sure not to let this effect how I related to my daughter and her father.
Five years later, I'm *loving my life, now I feel as if I dodged a bullet! LOL
Even if the things you do with your child are mundane, just being there, being a good parent, the trust and security instilled in your child ensures that your "Best Mom In the World," title will remain unchallenged for all time.
It doesn't matter what you do together, just be there for her always. And read books to her at bedtime> We like to read three a night at my house.
Best wished to you, I can very much relate to your feelings~
- 7 years ago
It's normal for you to feel this way, especially in the beginning, and because you're her mother. You can't really beat yourself up over this, you're ex husband is trying to make this time as enjoyable for your daughter as he can, because he probably doesn't want her to feel sadden or hurt when she goes home to you and wonders where her dad is. It sounds like you're stressed, and maybe it would be best if you went out and had a day to yourself, and not worry so much. Take your daughter on trips to the zoo (depending on her age), or the movies, or really anything that can build your guys' relationship. I'm sure everything will work out, best of luck!
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- 7 years ago
It sounds completely normal in this situation, there is always one parent that has to out do them self to prove they are the better parent, in most cases they didn't do any of these 'fun things' whilst the family was together. It's human to feel this way, only time will heal. Just focus on your and your daughters time together.
- ArTiSt~N~PoEtLv 67 years ago
My husband died when our son was only 10 weeks old. i would give my eye teeth to have him take our child out and do fun things. I understand you feel left out but at least he is taking responsibility for his child and being a dad. maybe go out on the weekends and socalize and enjoy a little time to yourself. maybe you will meet another person you can enjoy the weekends with too. i say enjoy being single. i wish i could. im too busy raising my son and caring for an ill family member.
Enjoy being single and go have some fun too!
Julie.....Source(s): Just how i see it
- Anonymous7 years ago
If you miss him and your family see if he feels the same if not you're s.o.l. ,l if so then try and work it out, but him wanting to take his daughter and show her a good time has nothing to do with you. I'm not sayin this is how you feel but it sounds like no one should be having fun if you're not there with them. You should be happy your daughter is having a great time and her dad isn't a deadbeat
- sevenLv 67 years ago
Sounds normal. If you can get along, suggest you both take her somewhere fun on the weekend. Otherwise, start working on your own life.
- Anonymous7 years ago
strange he gets her staying with him every weekend. I mean when does she get to spend proper time with you or her friends? but yes, you're being normal.