Controlling parents as an adult?

My parents have always been very controlling. That was fine, while I lived under their roof. But I feel like now they really dont have a right to have input in what I do with my life. Luckily, its not an issue most of the time because they cant make decisions for me. But whenever I go home for breaks and such its a problem

Recently, they didnt let me do something which resulted in something horrible happening. I pretty much was depressed for a week then stopped talking to them. This has been an issue before. When I picked a sport, my parents never came for the games because they wanted me to play a different sport and eventually made me quit. When I got a well paying summer job (with housing) far away from home they basically forced me not to take it and to just come home and do nothing. But this is the first time its affected someone else, and its hard to forgive.

I'm 19, live pretty far from home, and I'm not sure what to do. I probably should start talking to them again; its been a couple months and I know my parents are upset. And I feel bad because I might be living not at home this summer too. But its such a negative influence in my life to be told that everything I'm doing is wrong and that I should do it their way. I just cant deal with it anymore.

What to do?


I'm graduating early to gain financial independence earlier, then I'll be taking loans out for grad school. But good point. I'm on a pretty good scholarship, but they do cover the remaining amount.

And it sucks cause they just do it cause they care about me.

3 Answers

  • 7 years ago

    I'm concerned that you may not be expressing yourself correctly to your parents. You are very young and not used to interacting with adults except as a child. That is normal, but it is time to take the next step toward adulthood. Speak to them as an equal when it comes to decisions about summer work. Obtain a job and inform them of your decision. Phone call: "Hi Mom and Dad! I wanted to let you know that I will be working in Vermont this summer at a lodge. I'll be a server in the dining room. They tell me the guests are really great tippers and I should make a good income." When the inevitable objection is given by your parents, you must be respectful, but firm. "I know it's hard for you to accept that I need to prove to myself that I can do a job on my own. Dad, didn't you feel that you reached a point when you needed to do the same?" If they insist that you come home, be prepared to pay your own college expenses when you defy them. Can you wait two more years to graduate and then be on your own, or do you want to dance to their tune so they will foot the college bill for you. It's up to you.

  • 7 years ago

    Are they still paying your bills?

    If so, you're not really an adult yet, even if you are over 18.

    Once you're paying your own way, you will be able to do what ever you want. Since they're such a negative force on you, I suggest you do whatever it takes to make this happen sooner rather than later.

  • 4 years ago

    If she is bodily and mentally able to conserving a job that can assist you her, then no, this is not propose to pass out. i does not do it abruptly, however. i might supply her a time-physique. Say, in six months you intend to be on your very own place. that supplies her time to regulate to the belief, and aspects time to discover a place you will possibly be happy in. Reassure her which you at the instant are not leaving in the back of her, and which you will pass to and help her with issues. She's nevertheless your mom, so take care of her gently, and doubtless this could not be too frustrating on the two of you. Edited to characteristic... additionally, she's in all danger fearful of being lonely - till there are different babies residing along with her - so because it somewhat is why it would be good to enable her comprehend which you will nevertheless come around and pass to, and so on.

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