A Really Difficult Decision.?

I'll try to keep this short and simple. I've asked this question in other places, but no one even acknowledged it. I hope I can get some help. I'm a Caucasian male, and I'm 23 years old. The question is, "What do I do?"

I was in a fatal car accident. I broke my leg. Doctors said I'd never walk again, but I did.

I had a job in retail working at a grocery store. I was in pain constantly and things took a turn for the worse when I injured my back. The doctor told me I had tore a muscle in my back and I needed to take it easy.

My job was hectic, understaffed and overworked. I had to work constantly and give up on my time to relax and heal. I was pressured by the others to work as hard as I was normally.

My back didn't heal properly. The muscle is now stuck on my lower spine causing extreme pain whether I'm working or not.

I couldn't work there anymore. I had to leave.

I am currently unemployed and I'm going to college. I haven't been receiving benefits for probably about six months now. I've had to leech off of my dad and I'm currently looking for a job.

Here are some things that have rolled around in my mind:

I was hoping to get a job working at a desk or doing some computer work, but I live in a small town and I can't afford to move or even take a bus to a bigger town. My car is broken down outside and it's completely inoperable. It'll cost somewhere near $800 to fix up properly. Even so, the closest town to a computer job is probably a 3 hour bus ride just to get there and another 3 hours to get back.

Everything local is hard/manual labor, and the ones that are looking for desk jobs or receptionists you have to have 600+ hours of training and/or experience, usually followed by an Associate's Degree.

Another idea is to go to the doctor and get pain medication while I work. I don't like taking drugs, even if it's over-the-counter medication and I only use them as a last resort. I also don't think I can take the drugs I need to relieve my back pain, because the only thing that works is vicodin. Anything weaker than vicodin is completely ineffective.

I could go and see if I could get on disability, but that to me is like giving up on life. I'm only 22 years old. Besides, I believe in my heart that I'm on the fence. "Too healthy for disability" and "Too messed up for manual labor." My other cousins who were in the car are both on disability and my brother is dead.

The whole situation has got me down in the dumps. My anxiety is up the roof, I've tried everything to mend and heal and strengthen my back, but nothing works, and every day that goes by is depressing me more and more. I just feel like I've been broken beyond repair.

Please. I need help. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.

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  • 7 years ago
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    I'm sorry to hear you are facing so many challenges. I work at a non-profit and we have a staff of licensed counselors who are available by phone if you feel it would benefit you to talk to someone and get advice? You can reach our counselors (at no cost to you) by dialing 1-855-771-HELP (4357). They’re here Monday through Friday between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. (MT). If volumes are high, the staff member who answers your call may need to take your name and number so a counselor can phone you back. One of them will contact you just as soon as they can.

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