How can I get my wife to stop micromanaging my weekly schedule?
My wife and I are both in our late 20s, and we have been married 2 years. We are expecting a baby boy, due in 5 months. I will continue working my (very busy) full time job. My wife will take an unpaid leave of absence (starting 1 month before the due date until 3 months after the baby is born) and will return part time for the foreseeable future.
With dramatically increased expenses coupled with reduced income due to my wife's reduction to half time (this reduces my wife's pay by slightly MORE than half, and it will no doubt reduce her opportunity for advancement, at least temporarily), I need to do my utmost to advance my own career. This means being in the office M-F before 8, and often not leaving till 6 or 6:30.
My wife says she needs me home by 6:30 every day to help with the housework. I told her that's not realistic, because assuming I get off work at 6, I need to go and work out (60 minute workout + 15 min stretch/warmup + + 10 min to change + 15 min commuting). This means I won't be home till 8 or 8:15 on a good day. I need to keep working out. Some days I lift weights, other days I play sports, and others I go for a run. I need to continue with all of these. I need my outlet for stress, and you don't outlet your stress by adding more stress at home. That, and I have a right to maintain a muscular, healthy body. It has always been very important to me, and it will be even more important as I get into my late 20s and into my 30s.
In our business, we have a morning call at 8 AM sharp. I need to be there for that, which means I need to arrive at the gate of the office around 7:30 (which means leaving home before 7). This means working out in the morning is emphatically not an option. Going during my lunch break really isn't an option either, because including commuting to/from the gym, changing, warmup, and showering, it would take at least 2 hours.
Excuse me, but I have a JOB that I am PAID to do. I am working extra hard to support the family and you are calling me SELFISH!? How stupid is that!? I wake up at 6, leave the house at 6:45 AM, arrive at work at 7:30-7:45, leave work at 6, head to the gym, and get home by 8. Then, I will have time to shower, eat dinner, help out a LITTLE with house work, and be in bed BEFORE 10. I still need a full 8 hours of sleep. And suggesting that I give up my fitness routine is just plain retarded. I do NOT want to be one of those one-in-shape-but-now-out-of-shape guys. I have a right to be in top physical condition. I am trying to IMPROVE my physical condition and athleticism, not let it slide.
Never Doubt: Take her for a walk? TAKE HER FOR A MOTHER F***ING WALK!? How the f**k does that help build MUSCLE, in particular my UPPER BODY?
Never Doubt, none of that hits home, because you are rude and just retarded. Do I not have a right to maintain my physique!?
- EvangelineLv 47 years ago
Working extra hard to support your family doesn't get you a medal. It's what any good man would do.
You didn't write a single thing about your wife's needs, just your own. I need ths, and I need that, it's my right to have this....
Well, you're in a partnership. So compromise is going to have to have a place in your marriage. You don't need to work out EVERY day, to maintain a healthy, lean physique. Go to the 5 days a week and make yourself available to help with the upkeep of your home environment on weekends.
You live there, just as much as your pregnant wife does. You think you're busy at work? That's not a patch on how busy and exhausted your wife is going to be. She's creating a NEW HUMAN. And that little human is already a tiny bundle of pure need.
Talk to your wife, come to a compromise and brace yourself. If you continue the "me, me, me, I, I, I" shtick once your son arrives, you may find that you've suddenly got all the time in the world to do as you please, because your Wife has decided caring for ONE child, is enough.
- Anonymous7 years ago
EDIT: Dear Unwilling Sperm Donor--
so you come home to eat and sleep is that it? leave home at 7:05 get home at 8:15 - 8:30
you are worried about every penny she isn't bring in and it sounds like the pregnancy was her fault......
also you make it all sound like the child is and will be a huge financial and lifestyle inconvenience
further it sounds like you are wrapped a little too tight worrying about
working on your fitness daily.....
it is not her micro managing you time, it is you, getting all pissy any suggestion that you deviate from your obsession of making muscles with the boys........hmmm.....
think about this, this is her first child, yours too......she is scared,
having a baby is a big life changing event.....as new parents both
of you need to spend time together to plan all future details for this
life you created......plus she needs to know that she is not in it alone.....
IN REGARD TO FITNESS..what's wrong with coming home and taking
her for a walk, her body is going thru changes, not to mention she will
have to be in the best shape of her life to meet the demands of a newborn...
last thought, you will not get this time back, stop wasting in a gym with
a bunch of muscle worshiping guys.......
I didn't get it at first. Now I do. You prefer to flex your muscles in front of all the boys in the gym instead of making time for your pregnant wife. Sorry I suggested that you take your wife for a walk, that would be something she would enjoy and could physically handle given her condition. It might even make her delivery easier. Plus she could spend some time with you, .....listening to you telling her how much you love your upper body, or just discussing plans for your child......
Answer this, how are you going to treat her after the baby is born when she is 25 pounds heavier? If she can't get back to being the trim little package you "love" so much now, how will you treat her then?
Seems like you resent her now, loss of income etc., so when she gains a little weight, will your resentment turn to hate? Surely she won't be as fit as all your "special buds" back in the gym.
Are any of these guys married? Have girl friends? Do they just have muscle friends? Why are you so attracted to them?
IF any of this hits home, I suggest you either reevaluate the need for a massive upper body that all your "special friends" can admire, or, find a divorce lawyer NOW and find out what you are in for, and what your obligations will be, in the way of paying for medical insurance, spousal support and child support. Further, you may want to ask the lawyer if you can take the infant to the gym with you to meet all your muscle admirers?
This is the way I see it, it's all about you?
- Anonymous5 years ago
I'm not a husband, and I'm not a man... obviously but I think that I have a good answer. I would have to examine why she stopped taking care of herself. I would have to expect that something was wrong, or she had lost herself somewhere along the lines of our relationship. Yes, I mean... some husbands would end up just being put off by their wife, and not want to deal with the situation at hand, but in the end, you should still care about who she is.
- JAOLv 77 years ago
I think you may have to give up the gym for a while so you have the time for your new addition. Marriage is about not being selfish and putting your needs off for the good of all. After a while things will go back to normal. About 20yrs or so.
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- JohnLv 57 years ago
you got a problem its up too you to change you got her knocked up so deal with the changes your wife going to need you by her side at all times she going to be a new mother for the first and your the one she knows she can count on so you do what ever it take to make her happy its only going be for alittle while until she get conformable being with a new baby i went throught it twice it something that happens you don't work with her she will tell your mom and hers so all hell will break loose then what you going do, change your schedule
- TrishLv 57 years ago
Just think about it more when you child is here since you have to make a living but it will all change to a child. You have no idea what is in store till that child is in your arms and there is no where else you want to be!
- 7 years ago
You sounds as inflexible as she does...when that baby arrives are you BOTH in for one rude awakening. 8 hours sleep with a new baby in the house? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....