Long time friends, Should I pursue this relationship? please help.?
I would really really appreciate if someone actually reads it all...
I've been good friends with this guy since we were just kids when we first meet (I know it's ridiculous, but this background story will be needed). So in high school we stopped contact for a while as we were in different schools and stuff and then started talking again and became really close by the time we were like15. We developed a strong friendship even though we didn't see each other much and one day out of the blue he told me he liked me and kind of said he wanted to be with me as bf/gf, well it surprised me a lot, I knew I sort of had feelings for him but I was really confused at the time and I got scared for no reason and didn't tell him anything. I know he was hurt and it was rude and not to say anything, I regretted doing so almost right after, but didn't know how to tell him, and he never mentioned it again so we just forgot about it. We were still friends but it just wasn't the same... and a couple of years ago (age 19 or so) I finally realized how I felt for him and was willing to do something about it until I found out he already had a girlfriend and had been with her for like a year so I decided not to do anything. Time passed and they were still together and as I could tell, they were happy. I was happy for him but also I felt really bad because I ruined my chance to be with him. Then almost a year ago we got back to being close friends and he often asked to hang out with me but I made excuses every time as I wasn't over him yet.
Now we're both 21 and almost 2 months ago we saw each other after a long time (I decided it was time to do something or move on) and it was like we never stopped being close, it was good, it felt good, like we were the best of friends... he would talk to me on the internet everyday and text me and want to hang out all the time, but nothing else happened until one day WHEN WE FINALLY KISSED. I didn't know what was going on, I felt so happy but I knew he still was with his girlfriend and when we talked about it we finally said all the things we didn't for years, he said he had wanted to do it for a really long time and that he still liked me a lot and wasn't sure about his relationship anymore, but it wasn't the best of times to start something so we decided to forget it and remain friends. Thing is, we just couldn't hold ourselves back. He would want to see me every day, call me at midnight to say hello, say cute things to me like how he wanted to be with me since he was 12, even hold my hand in public... you know, basically like a couple would do and we've been like that for like a month now. But I was still confused about what was going on and yesterday we talked and he told me he is not longer with his girlfriend and asked if I liked the way we are now. I said yes, but that I'd really want to be more than friends and he said he would like it too, but right now he's not ready to get serious as he just got out of a 3 year relationship, but would like to stay dating like we are now and see what happens...
I think he's being honest, and even if this is all too messy I know he's worth the wait and also I understand it's way too soon for him to get involved with someone again but I need a view from the outside... WHAT SHOULD I DO ???????
- 7 years ago
(If you don't want to read all this you can just skip to the bottom, I tend to get carried away with my answers) :)
Wow, this situation sounds VERY similar to my own.
I feel like mine will give you a bit of help.
I've been best friends with Peter for going on 6 years. We lived in the Mudgee together, where we met. We went to different schools but caught the same bus. In 2009 he swapped to my school and we became super close! At the end of 2010, we both moved from Mudgee, coincidently, to the same place down in Newcastle. About 40 minutes away from each other. I was at boarding school so I didn't see him as often as I'd like, but we still spoke everyday. We became so close, he had me hung up on him. He was going through his HSC at the time and said he wanted to be with me but didn't want a girlfriend until his HSC was over. I was prepared to wait (it was 2 years..) but then, he stopped talking to me and got a girlfriend.. I was cut deep. I'd never felt that kind of heart break, I was so angry.
3-4 months later he came begging for my forgiveness. He said he was scared to commit which is why he did what he did. And I believed him, so I forgave him.
Months went on and we became close again, only this time, I was the one who was scared to commit. Everytime he came over, he'd try to kiss me but I'd back away. I don't know why but I couldn't overcome this. It tore us apart. I was constantly starting fights because of my own insecurities. He didn't fight back, he just took it on the chin. I didn't know how to handle being in love.
At the end of 2012, I moved back to Mudgee. His plans were to stay in Newcastle and finish his bachelor of child studies then move to Mudgee so we could be together.
Towards the end of Feb (this year), we got into a fight (my fault) and we didn't talk for 2 months. One night in April I was having a really bad night and called him up. I needed him. I missed him. I realised how stupid I was.
So, he forgave me, realised how stupid we both are and got over everything and decided right there that we're going to be together. Even if we live 4 hours away, I still get to see him on weekends.
Now that I read that, I'm not sure if you'll be able to see how our stories relate, but I do.
My point is, if you think he's worth the wait, then wait! Stuff what everyone says about how waiting around is stupid. I had to wait 2 years for my best friend and it was defiantly worth the wait, even though we've only been dating a month, I know it's going to last forever. We've both been through enough together to realise how we need to work.
I understand your mans point of view, 3 years is a long time. Defiantly stand by him, continue to see him until he is ready. After all this time, you're both still attracted to each other, then it's bound to work. He'll be ready before you know it.
- 7 years ago
I would say to just continue on how things are, and maybe eventually you guys would get into a serious relationship. If you two are meant to be together, then it will happen. Sometimes it just takes time, but it's obvious that you two like each other enough. Plus he told you that he would like to be more than friends, just not atm. Just don't sleep with him or anything like that unless you two get real serious
- ?Lv 44 years ago
go on some dates beginning up as acquaintances to help him recover from this long term courting that hes been in if issues have been like this for hence long with you to then i think of that when some dates and time spent mutually then you definately''l the two be waiting to take issues extra suitable and extra heavily.