Parents and teens, input on freedom?
What do you think is the appropriate amount of freedom for a 15 year old girl. (no bad behavior, honor roll student, keeps room spotless, is respectful)
- ?Lv 67 years agoFavorite Answer
Hi Erica, I answered a similar question for someone else and will copy my answer here. it is a bit long but I hope you find something useful in there. here it is: Hi Steve....Your question touches on one of the main duties of a parent, which is deciding how much freedom their child can safely handle Since I am a parent, I am going to describe how I do this, and hopefully it will give you some insight into how your parents think. Parents do not allow freedom until they can trust you. They need to trust that you will do the right thing even when not being watched. Over the teen years a good parent will gradually give you more and more freedom as their trust in you increases. The way they will know how trustworthy you are is 1. by how you handle yourself when given a little freedom (do you get into trouble or try to push past limits?) and 2. by how responsible you are in keeping your commitments. So they are watching whether you are keeping up your responsibilities at school and at home, and they are checking how things turn out when they give you a little freedom, to learn if you might be ready to handle more. If you fail to do what you said you would do, or if you lie about stuff, why should they trust you? So to gain more freedom, you will need to build up a track record of good performance at doing the right thing and making good choices (you don't have to be perfect but good most of the time). This is not something where you can start acting good and a week later you get rewarded with more freedom. No, we want to see you doing good over weeks and months and then we will start to relax the limits, so please understand that this will be a gradual process. Also remember that we have the power to take your freedom away (grounding) as a punishment if you do something bad. Many teens are unsure what it means when a parent says they need to be more responsible. A while back I wrote for another teen how to show that you are responsible, I will copy that advice here for you.
1. do your chores and other daily stuff (eg brushing teeth, taking a bath) without needing a reminder to do it.
2. make good choices as far as doing homework and school projects on time, don't put it off to the last minute
3. if you see something that needs done in the house just take care of it without being asked.
4. show that you know how to handle money. If you get some money do not blow it all on candy or things you don't really need.
5. take on one or two new chores that need to be done every day. Then by doing them every day without fail you demonstrate that you are responsible.
6. keep your promises
7. admit your mistakes - don't try to get out of it and especially do not lie about it
8. come up with a system that works for you to keep up with all the stuff you are supposed to do. That is the definition of not responsible: when you commit to do something and then do not do it. So you need a way to keep up with everything you gotta do. There are paper planners/calenders for this purpose and also computer and cell phone apps. Yes you can try to just remember everything and that will usually work until life hits you with a crazy time, and then you will end up missing something. So get an organizer and make a point to fill in all obligations as you learn of them and then make a point to check it daily to see what you need to do.
What I am explaining here is how this responsibility/freedom thing ought to work. Sometimes a parent and child won't agree on how much freedom to give the child. In some families a conflict like this can end in shouting and anger. It is better to try to talk it out in a calm way, which shows them that you can control your anger in a mature way. Sometimes they will back off their limit when you remind them of recent good things you have done. Sometimes you can work out a compromise. Sometimes you have to accept their judgement but try to do it in a respectful way and that gives you maturity points that will help you win more freedom next time.
I am a parent who has tried to explain this stuff to my own kids. I welcome email if you still have questions about your particular situation. Parents are not perfect, we do make mistakes about this stuff sometimes, but if you keep talking to them you can muddle through it together.
- harriotLv 44 years ago
1. Tattoos - No. They don't seem the way in which they do while you get them finished forever. When you're forty, that tattoo you acquired while you were sixteen is going to seem downright awful. You'll be caught with it ceaselessly. If you're a lady and ever get pregnant (relying on where it can be placed) - count on it getting ruined. Young children are ok, but even then it's rather iffy. It can be no longer whatever which you can take back. Body Peircings - would as well allow them to do it when they may be a teen. Some develop out of it. *The more you fight them, the extra they'll need it. When you exhibit a negative feeling toward some thing, it'll make them want it much more. (i am twenty now. Obtained my tongue & nose achieved once I was once 18. I've taken both out and noticeable what a waste of cash that was once, and what I might had been doing alternatively.) For peircings I recommend telling them it is some thing they need to pay for themselves. Wether they easy the entire condominium, or have their possess job. Make them use their money, don't pay for it yourself. 2. Let them costume nonetheless they like. Don't ever say a foul thing or get on to them about. Even supposing it's down correct repulsive or slutty - tell them they look just right. They will not expect it. It's probably rebellion or the children they hang around with in relation to clothes. But if they see you're ok with it, they are going to just go back to dressing natural. 3. Hair - Will develop again and may also be dyed again to a natural color within half-hour. Typically it can show how creative they're. Just make them pay for it if they need it that bad. With their possess cash. Make Up - It washes off. Allow them to do what they like, make them pay for it themselves. Four. Simply talk to your children. Ask them what style of stuff they are into. Take heed to how they feel. But they should not tell them how a lot they do not find it irresistible or anything, motive the kid will almost definitely do it longer. Some matters are only a section. 5. Instructional materials are a big factor. And for their first vehicle, they will have to on no account get anything over $4000. And so they should must work for it, the drivers license experiment, drivers ed, and so on. Themselves. Nonetheless, they're nonetheless kids, they nonetheless need guideance. They should still have a curfew. They must get rewarded by some means after they've been doing excellent for awhile, after they get just right grades, and so on. They must now not get what they want (irrespective of how old they're) if they're failing, getting drunk, doing medications, or if they get pregnant at a younger age. The reasons most teens do matters - their mum and dad inform them they mustn't. They're attempting to fit in. They need some thing extraordinary of their life. Their dad and mom aren't listening to them just right ample.
- 7 years ago
Enough freedom that they can still keep an eye on you. Parents are always going to be wanting to make sure that you're safe whether you have good behavior or not.