? asked in Entertainment & MusicMusicLyrics · 8 years ago

What do you think of my lyrics?

I will apologize about the "set up" of my lyrics 'cause I haven't quite thought of which lyrics were gonna go under which category about versus, choruses, etc... I will also apologize about the length as well, but please tell me what you think.

Back then,

I wish I knew what

Was going through your mind

In reality, you’re the one

That started the fight not me

‘cause you know, I know, we

Both know that I didn’t do

Anything wrong

All I did was ask you if

You wanted to hangout,

Then you told me no and then

All I asked was why and

That’s when our friendship

Started going downhill when

You called me over-obsessive

And a stalker

You can’t just expect someone

To know what you’re trying

To tell them and I wish you

Could have told me sooner than

A month that you felt like you needed

A break from hanging out

If you had told me that

In beginning, then our

Fight would have never came into place

And I would’ve understood

I just wish I knew what was

Going through you mind in

Order for your to treat me so badly

And I’m not even sure if you

Understand how bad you hurt

Me back then

I know I shouldn’t dwell on

My past, but I still do and

Sometimes I wish you could

Just once have a taste of

Your own medicine

I hope you know and understand

What it feels like to be treated

Like such crap ‘cause that’s

Exactly how you treated me and during

Our fight, I had a hard time coping

You made me go through depression,

You made me have my first anxiety attack

‘Cause I was losing my one and only best friend at the time

And I really did have trouble coping

I know it’s not right to blame you for things,

But this time it’s true and sometimes

I wish I could lash out towards you and

Wish I stood up for myself back then, but no

I didn’t have the courage to and I just let you

Walk all over me

That’s why sometimes I wish

I could lash out at you so you could feel the

Way I felt when you treated me so badly, but

I still forgave you even though you never

Officially apologized to me

Once again, I apologize for the length of my song. Please let me know what you think of it and constructive criticism is welcomed. :)

Update:

YourUncleDog: I stated at the very beginning that I hadn't thought which lyrics were gonna go with which category. Also, I just wrote this song today and I'm probably gonna put them into categories either later tonight or over the weekend.

3 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I didn't read the whole song. When I fist have an idea or feeling to turn into a song, I write everything down that I can, no matter how terrible good or bad the lyrics are, because I know that often the creative window opens and closes, at least for me it does. so I write everything I can on the first... call it a draft. then I leave it alone, and go back to it later when I feel like I can be creative again. I keep it in my mind the whole time however, until the next time I can write, then I go over all the lines that I have written, and I end up changing quite a bit from the first draft except for maybe the first idea that came to my mind. Or I find a different way to write the lyrics because the first draft is always the worst. My first drafts always have a lot of "filler" meaning useless lines that I can later turn into a line or two. What you have here is just the main outline for a song. you have all the ideas that you want to get across to your old crush or whoever it was. But you may want to make this song more universal and try to bring in some Imagery to the song, like a story will develop a scene in which your mind and a listeners mind can imagine being there. Granted for me I've never been on a date and have no real relationships with the opposite sex that I can relate to this, so maybe there lies my fault of trying to understand the lines I have read. But what I see in your lyrics are the sum of listening to popular radio music. and I think that listening to good music by real credible artists and bands that it will help you develop your song more, and I think that it is vital to better song writing. not that I want to accuse you of listening to bad pop music or anything, maybe you don't. Listen to bands like Jimi Hendrix Experience...some thing like "Burning of the Midnight Lamp, and Manic Depression, and Voodoo Chile (Slight Return). or Rush - Spirit of Radio. and Limelight. and Bob Dylan who are great lyricists., you will see how you can take a general feeling and turn it into a short and relatable and more creative song, leaving some mystery for the listener to fill in their interpretation. And remember most songs aren't complete without instrumentals which can evoke so much feeling just by the notes you play and the intonation and the space between notes. I hope I didn't offend you or anything, just trying to offer some advice, though I am still very much an amateur song writer. Wish I could sit and just focus on music and recording and forget about life and finding a job.

    Source(s): myself
  • 8 years ago

    Sorry, but just "dumping the grocery list" of your feelings about a relationship, without use of organization, artistic/creative license or rhythm, does NOT make song lyrics. You have written a prose.

    Here's an example of something I wrote. Note the use of repetition in the chorus, and setting a night vibe.

    I Blame The Moon

    First more, now less than friends

    Love ducked in and out again

    This isn't where the story ends

    But it's where I must contend

    That the heart goes in innocent

    All indications heaven sent

    A chance to shine, a chance to vent

    Another chance just came and went

    CHORUS

    It must be the moon playing tricks on me - I'd never ask for this kind of misery

    Watching all turn with the tide, but the swells are never done inside

    Since I can't see why I'm still blue

    But I see the moon - I blame you

    You learn from sources more than school

    The day starts warm and then ends cool

    Gravity always makes its pull

    Love seems to make me a fool

    The only constant when things aren't right

    Was that silver moon laughing bright

    Hiding the truth from the morning light

    Never revealing secrets of the night

    CHORUS

    It must be the moon playing tricks on me - I'd never ask for this kind of misery

    Watching all turn with the tide, but the swells are never done inside

    Since I can't see why I'm still blue

    But I see the moon - I blame you

    Why must you meddle with my world like this?

    Why can't you let me keep more than a kiss?

    It must be the moon playing tricks on me

    I'd never ask for this kind of misery

    Watching all turn with the tide

    But the swells are never done inside

    I'll never see why we are through

    So damn the moon - I blame you

    I blame the moon

    I blame the moon

    Laughing Dolphin Music

  • 8 years ago

    I like them :) your a good song writer

    Source(s): Me lol
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