I've lost interest in things I used to enjoy. What can I do to get it back?
Like many people, I have a lot of obligations and little time to do the things I want. But unlike them, when I do make time, I find myself not enjoying them. My thoughts are always on needs, not wants. I have a job that I intensly dislike, co-workers who are unhappy or angry and uncooperative, a house that I'm constantly cleaning but never quite finishing. There's shopping, planning/cooking meals, laundry, trash, dishes, home repairs, etc., you know, the usual. Right now we're in the process of pulling up old carpet and linoleum to be replaced with laminate wood floors. When I'm working on the floors, I'm thinking about the dirty dishes in the sink, the laundry in the baskets, the ironing I still need to do, the clothes I need to take in because I've lost weight, the back deck that needs cleaning, the curtains I need to sew, the lunches I need to prepare for work; I'm thinking about what lies ahead when I go back to work on Monday. Is it going to be another overwhelming stress-filled workload as usual or will it be a more managable day? How many problems will I have to deal with? What do I need to pick up at the store before going home? Will I be off in time to cook dinner for my husband, or will I be there long after the rest of the business office has gone home? Do I have anything ironed to wear to work the next day? What can I buy my sister for her birthday? I better go check the litterbox.
Since I can't leave my job (there's nothing else available but I'm still looking) and the other obligations won't take care of themselves, what can I do to regain some interest in life but still take care of the things that have to be done? I'm sure other people have similar obligations but they seem to be able to enjoy time for themselves. I just feel guilt because I can't keep up. I'm tired when I come home from work. The amount of work I get done after work and on my days off is miniscule compared to what needs to be done.
I'm feeling guilty as I type this. I need to paint the baseboards, load the dishwasher, clean the stove and countertops, the microwave has splattered food that needs to be cleaned, my tub/shower and toilet needs to be scrubbed and I need to scrape off some silicone and re-seal my shower tiles. I really need to vacuum up the dog hair in the bedroom and finish pulling up the carpet in the hallway. I still have carpet tack strips to pull up and areas of the floor that have to be leveled before we can put down the new floor.
I'm so tired but sleep doesn't come easily. What can I do to enjoy life again?
Enough typing. I better get to work.