Wedding - suggestions?

So we just found out that my step daughter who will be 21 is now engaged to be married. She treats both her dad and I horribly and has for several years. Her mother emailed me to say she was engaged and that my husband needs to come to terms with the past, move on so he can attend and make the event special for her.

My husband and I agreed several years ago that regardless of whose child it was that if an invitation was not sent to both of us, in a welcoming manner that we would not attend. No favorites, No excuses, either we were both welcome and wanted or neither of us would go. So now it's upon us and I know they are going to be bothering him about going and I am FULLY aware that I will not be welcome- if invited these people would do everything possible to make me feel uncomfortable.

I am also fully aware that they are going to make my husband feel bad if he does not attend or financially contribute to the wedding. My husband has been ill for sometime, I'm already covering just his everyday living expenses- In other words I would be the one paying for him to go and I would be the one paying for the event....I dont' feel I should be involved at all-

Is it ok for me to hold him to our original agreement and neither of us go? Is it ok for me to just say absolutly not to paying for the trip or contributing to the wedding?

We have a 3 year old and she can't go as this particular daughter threatened to kill her if she ever laid eyes on her.

Thoughts?

Update:

This is my husbands daughter not mine- They hate me and there is no relationship between them and I. They want nothing to do with me and after how they've treated me and my children I really prefer to not be around any of them.

4 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds to me like your husband already chose you over them (which is why the two of you are still together and have a family), so why would he not do the same thing now? If he is considering going, then I would definitely remind him of the agreement that the two of you made. I know that it seems harsh, but a deal is a deal. How would he feel if the situations were reversed? My guess is that he'd have the same response as you are having now.

    If his daughter wanted to see him, then she could have done it before now; since she hasn't, it seems to me like this is a convenient way to get some money out of him (while driving a further wedge between the two of you). Also, it is NOT up to him to contribute to the wedding - in my mind, if a couple wants to get married, then it should be done on their own dime (and to hell with tradition).

  • Davy
    Lv 6
    8 years ago

    Stick with your preference ........ Tell them all to BOGOF .......... Don't attend, Don't go with your husband if he goes, Don't pay a penny toward the cost of the wedding and insist that your other half does not pay either ......... It reads like a horror story

    One other thing .......... DO NOT let your little one attend either ......... let the morons do what they want at their own expense and if they come round causing trouble with your family ---- have a baseball bat stood at the side of the front door ....... within easy reach if it is needed for self protection

  • 8 years ago

    The only thing I can suggest for now is for you and your husband should support each other in love for one another.

  • A Cat
    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    It's very simple: If you want to see your future grandchildren then you'll need to contribute and attend. If you don't want to be a part of your future grandchildren's lives then don't.

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