Am I wrong to not want my boyfriend's mom to move with us?

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for almost two years while get finishes up his undergrad work near Pittsburgh. I'm from California but I moved to DC to take a job last Fall.

My boyfriend graduates in May and is taking a job with a bank in Texas so obviously that means I will have to give up my job and move to Texas too in order to stop being long distance. Originally he promised to move to California with me because I'm very close to my mom and sister and my mom lives alone and needs help. Since he couldn't find a job in California, but got his dream job in Texas, I told him I would make the sacrifice since Texas is closer to California than DC.

However over the weekend he told me he wants to ask his alcoholic mother to move out to Texas too. He isn't close to her at all and always tells me stories about how she was a terrible mother, how she drinks all day and doesn't have her life together. Although I like her, I don't think it's a good idea. He works from home, and won't know anyone in Texas but us.

He thinks if she stays in Pennsylvania she will drink herself to death because her friends, ex husband (who she lives with still) and the town in general are bad influences on her and are the reason she is the way she is, but I don't see how having her move will help. He lives with her now and is constantly complaining about her and her issues and suddenly he wants her to come with us.

When I tried to talk to him about why I think it's a bad idea, he got very angry and said I'm just jealous because my mom isn't moving out there and he's only trying to help her and I'm being selfish. It turned into the worst fight we've ever had. I think she needs to work on herself first and he needs to focus on his career and getting settled instead of trying to fix his mother's problems. I understand his concern and think she should move eventually maybe after AA and establishing sobriety.

Am I wrong to think it's a bad idea? Am I being selfish?

1 Answer

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    No, your not being selfish. I am sure you are thinking about having a healthy relationship with your boyfriend. If she is an alcoholic, she will be one no matter where she lives. Ultimately, it will be up to him if she moves in, the real question is, are you willing live with it or make a change in your life? Good luck to you.

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