You bring up some really valid concerns with your church, and if you have left the Paganism behind, I am hoping it is because you saw some of the very real dangers that go along with it. Now, though, you sound like you are still searching for some satisfying answers. Right there from where you sit, you have the opportunity to find those answers. Go to www.jw.org. Click on the publications link, and you will see one called What Does The Bible Really Teach? You can view the full publication right from the site, or you can download it for future reference, completely free of charge. It will provide you the very answers you seek. It addresses how to find the true religion, the dangers of spiritism, and other concerns you have. It's the best advice I can give you, and I tell you truthfully, that I feel your pain. It can be so difficult to feel out of place, unworthy, lost, especially when it sounds like you are trying to make some positive steps. Keep an open mind, and don't let what you have heard from others sway you. Pray to the God of the Bible and ask him for his guidance and help, and keep searching for the truth and you will find it.