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Why does this vast emptiness continually grow? I need the means to stop it.?

I've been dipping in and out of states of depression for a very long time, since I was about 13 I believe. However, I was usually able to lift myself back out within a few days. The more that I learn the more depressed I feel as I subconsciously pick and chose the bits of wisdom that lay heavy on the soul. Everything I have realized about life is a constant battle between my longing for my previous ignorant bliss and my heart knowing that this HAS to hurt in order for me to know the truth. My life feels hopeless, myself I feel useless, I feel like I'm wasting all this time although there is nothing else to do with it and once we all die it never would have mattered anyway. Every time I learn something new about this life I feel smaller and more empty. Every new person I meet I leave with more ease than the one before. I hold motivation for nothing and connections with no one. I paint on a beautifully manifested smile because what person wants to see any less? I haven't spoke a word of this in consideration of my friends; I wouldn't want them to be bothered by my petty problems. I've never been neglected, beaten, or abused. I don't know why I have become the way I am. I use change as a distraction from my deep unhappiness but lately everything has been stagnant. I look back and things have changed so much I don't even have a true name for myself. I understand that everything ends, as it should, but until that time I should live to the fullest. All I ask is that until the end I have more happy days than sad, even a balance would make it all worth it. I need to know if there's anyone to help with that. Obviously the internet isn't the best place for help but it feels good to get it off my chest in hopes that one person will read it.

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    .Lets assume there is nothing physcally wrong. OK?

    What you are experiencing is a "sickness of soul".

    In a way you are very lucky. Most folks just try to "fill" that emptyness with "stuff". Never realizing that no matter what kind of stuff is added to ones life, it never does satify.

    People also try to pacify it by relationships with other people. And many, many times they get let down.

    At least you know you have a need that cant be filled in this world.

    This is what Jesus called, "Blessed (happy) are the poor in spirit.."

    You need HIM.

    He said," I have come that you might have LIFE and have it more ABUNDENTLY"

    Im not talking about "religion". Im talking about a PERSON.

    He can take a persons life, fill it with meaning, give it purpose, and make it eternal.

    Will all of your problems dissapear? Nope.

    You will still have many. But with a difference.

    Then you will know that life is not without purpose or meaning.

    He has said, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you."

    Read the Gospel of John. Meet Him there.

    He will meet you there if you LET Him.

    Then TRUST Him.

    Thats all He asks of anyone.

    ...theBerean

    P.S. BTW the most wisest, richest man who ever lived (Solomon) went through exactly what you are going through. Complete emptyness and trying to find (and trying) everything that this world has to offer to try to fill that void. He wrote a whole book about it. It is the book of Eccelastiases in the O.T. Read it and meet yourself. Thats why God included it in the Bible. To show us that there is NOTHING in this world that can ever satisfy us. We need Him.

    "You will seek Me and you will find Me. When you search for Me with all your heart"---God

    (Jeremiah 29:13)

  • ?
    Lv 6
    8 years ago

    Gina, what Melly said is, I feel, very pertinent. It is important to get appropriate medication. It isn't as if you are the only one experiencing extended bouts of depression, but it is important that you get the needed medical help that is appropriate for you.

    From the way you talk, you also sound like someone who is conscious of their spiritual need, but at the present, don't see that need being fulfilled. [Matthew 5:3] Your comments, "All I ask is that until the end I have more happy days than sad" makes me feel for you, because it is obvious that you feel at present that it's the other way around. When you say, "Everything I have realized about life is . . . knowing that this HAS to hurt in order for me to know the truth," what exactly do you mean?

    As one of Jehovah's Witnesses, I frequently encounter other JWs who felt something was missing before they embraced what we call 'the truth.' Many of us, including those who had a belief in God of sorts, felt as though our lives were directionless, lacking true meaning. For us the message in God's word is one of hope, that of living unendingly in a paradise earth. [Psalms 37:29; Isaiah 65:17-25; Revelation 21:3,4] In that "new earth of righteousness" that 2 Peter 3:13 speaks of, that will be a world where, unlike the stresses and strains of this old world, every day you will awake feeling energized, completely secure and relaxed, with no doubts about anything at all to give you any cause for concern, but at the same time a life filled with meaning, direction and challenges.

    As JWs, even now we enjoy, not only a very active and positive spiritual fellowship together, but a social one as well.

    If you would like to embrace the truth that gives your life true meaning, now and for your everlasting future, may I suggest you speak with Jehovah's Witnesses? They will be happy to answer any questions you may have without any obligation on your part.

    Source(s): 38 yrs experience as one of Jehovah's Witnesses.
  • 8 years ago

    As someone who also suffers from depression the best advice I can give you is to see a doctor. If your young, ask your parents to leave you alone with the doctor. Explain what is going on. Depression is a recognized disease, usually caused by chemical imbalances in the body that can easily be corrected with medication. It may take a bit to get the dosage and medication right but stick with it! Trust me, it makes all the difference in the world once the medication gets right,

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    welcome to the human race

    Be careful . Depression is a real physical mental disease

    we are just beginning in our book club to read something called "falling upward by a priest named rork. ( I think ,i do not have the title handy

    the idea seems to be that failure is a necessary part of life to gain insight and go forward.

    I have not read much yet.

    Truly life is not easy but it is all we have

    Source(s): old guy, same problems, mostly lucky but not happy
  • 8 years ago

    That felt like a poem.

    :)

    Talk with people.

    Brean is right.No matter what you do,there is an 'emptiness' felt when you think about 'reality'.

    People generally do something to fill that gap or replace that emptiness.But it'll get to you again.

    God gives me peace.

    Source(s): Philippians 4: 7 says he gives you: peace that excels all thought. Proverbs 2:1-6 says he gives you; knowledge, and understanding and wisdom if you seek it.
  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    You need to see a mental health professional, do so at the first opportunity. This problem can be fixed.

  • 8 years ago

    You could try reading this online book with an open mind. Best wishes, I hope you get better.

  • 8 years ago

    Do something that matters. It helps.

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