I wrote a poem about someone I love(d)?

So I wrote this today and I put allot of emotion into it so it may have some flaws. Give me a 1-10 rating and feedback please. Don't be afraid to tell me if you don't like it, but please tell me what you think I did wrong. I would probably call it "The changing of season" or something to that effect.

The last time we spoke I was hidden behind a cloak of sadness, as we have fallen apart that feeling has turned into madness. With but a glance you shattered my guise, the worries of my world melted, when I gazed into your eyes. Now our days together seem distant like the passing shadow that is our lives, gone in an instant. Shattered portraits of yesterday’s bliss stream through my mind, like meaningless dreams in the hands of time. A love as perfect as we shared was fleeting, as time changes everything, I long for your greeting. Now that our love has fallen victim to the worries of reason, we find new beginnings with the changing of season.

3 Answers

  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    8.5---- Change you're 2nd "shattered" to another word that means the same thing---There's plenty of words out there, use as many as you can. Otherwise it seems to me it's kind of a rap cadence poem with some good thinking, and expressing. Good Job--Keep Writing---------william

  • 8 years ago

    Oh my, an 11.

    However, your title needs work. But this is a seriously poem, make sure you're ready for this. And if you fail, it will cost you back a lot of points, just saying. But it's actually worth the shot.

  • 8 years ago

    10 and I agree with with William, try fractured..it gives it the same "broken beyond repair" sense to it

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