Would he be offended if I told him to go to "anger management" or is this a normal guy thing?

I have a great boyfriend who loves me unconditionally. He's always treated me the way I've wanted a guy to treat me and has put up with so much. He's goot to me, takes care of me, and lets me be me. For the record, I have never been abused - emotionally or physically.

We're not perfect and we do have our arguments but we always make up. One big problem I have with him is when he's stressed. I understand people are stressed out and they're not always at their best but when he's stressed, it causes such problems. When he's stressed from work or whatever it is, he gets so upset, puts it on me - somehow tries to make me feel bad and then I'm the one left hurting. I need to leave the room or get away from him to get a grip on myself and not retaliate. In the meantime, here he is accusing me of being a coward and running away from our problems, playing victim how it's not "fair" because he wants to finish. Once he calms down, he's much better and charms his way into apologizing and wanting to talk. He gets romantic and cushy again while I'm the one in shock with, "what the hell? You just hurt me and now you're okay again, like that?"

There were 2 instances like that, happened in one day: I found a mistake in my bank statement. Apparently a company online charged me, so i decided to call and fix it myself. I told them I wasn't aware and there was confusion and it was fixed. I told him about it and he FREAKED OUT and said stuff like, "were you not aware of that stuff? Did you not know that you had to pay for a membership fee? GOSH! I don't understand how this happens. I'm mad because this could've been preventable..." Talking as if I Was stupid. Obviously, I'm not and companies make mistakes like this all the time, it's how you handle it. I called them again and wanted proof of my refund. Once I showed him the email, that demeanor was gone and he randomly started hugging me and was in a good mood again, as I was there with, "what?!!" full of resentment for how he talks to me. Believe me, I call him out and tell him, "don't talk to me like that. I don't appreciate it." but in that moment he doesn't get it and denies it. I'm a tough chick and the first time he did this, I got agressive back and told him I was done with him bc I don't appreciate it how he talks to me. He said he would change and he did for the most part and has been getting part but there are times he does that. He stresses out, he takes it out on me/hurts my feelings, and once he releases it, I'm the one left feeling bad and he's fine again...

6 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Do you do the same to him....be honest...don't have to say you do or don't on here.

    It's a man thing, guys get angry, especially if they have tons of testosterone. Now is a time to learn how to fight fair, instead of running, confront him, ask him why he is getting so defensive about whatever you guys happen to fight over, and be willing to compromise.

    He's more of a fight let's make this right vs your more of a pacifist. Maybe when your not fighting in the nicest way tell him to not be such a d*** when he's fighting.

    And the people saying it's abuse probably think that arguing over what channel to watch is abuse too :-P

    Source(s): Been in plenty of fights with my other half, still together, past the spat stage and happily engaged.
  • 8 years ago

    This is the marriage and divorce section.

    BTW, anger is definitely a form of emotional abuse. And his behavior is classic,and I mean classic, for an emotional abuser. You might want to research that, as you are in denial. If you continue to stay with this loser, you deserve each other, and you will be walking on eggs forever. The red flags are all over the place. Pay attention to them and get out before it is too late. He is not boyfriend material by any stretch of the imagination. You are being abused, BIG TIME.

    Are you living together? If you are living together and expecting a commitment, don't. He has all the benefits of marriage (sex on tap, too) without the responsibility or commitment. Run, girl, run.

    Source(s): Former domestic violence counselor in my younger days.
  • ???
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    It's not a guy thing. There's a difference between being stressed and being emotionally abusive. If he does this again, point out that he's venting his frustration on you and needs to find a way to stop or you're leaving him. If he doesn't stop, walk. Eventually you'll hate his guts for it.

  • 8 years ago

    If you called and took care of it, why did you even bother him with it?

    It sounds like the "taking care of you" thing in his mind = him being the adult, you being the... not-so-adult.

    If anything happens in the long run - him losing job, financial difficulties, losing a loved one, etc, expect to be talked to this way.

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  • Dave
    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    Categorize your question correctly. Placing your question in the right category ensures that it is seen by people who can give you better information and more accurate answers. Yahoo! Answers is available in many countries and languages, so find the right one for your location or language.

  • 8 years ago

    Doesn't matter whether it's a guy thing, or not. Neither does it matter if he'll be offended, or not. Tell him that you're tired of his temper tantrums and if he doesn't get some anger management, you're gone.

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