Should I invite my friend's girlfriend to my wedding by name, or as "guest?"?

I don't know my friend's girlfriend very well but I like her just fine. She's very busy though with her job and I don't want her to feel particularly obligated to show up to my wedding because she got a direct invitation, but I also don't want to insult her by sending my friend an "and guest" option instead.

if it WAS more appropriate to invite her by name, should I send her an invitation to her address, or could I put "John Smith and Jane Johnson" on the same invitation and send it to my friend's house?

Which would be more appropriate?

15 Answers

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  • Poodie
    Lv 7
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is very simple, and I'm so sorry that you are getting conflicting answers. You always invite every invited guest by name. Never write ” and Guest”. If you don't know the person's name, you find out. Since you are inviting a couple, you list each person's name on the invitation and mail it to the home of the one you are closest to. Guests know they are never obligated to come, but it would be rude to give him the option to bring anyone when he has a steady girlfriend (regardless of how long they've been together). Just mail the invitation to John Smith and Jane Johnson at his address. The end.

  • 7 years ago

    Of course you should address her by her name. Why on earth wouldn't you?

    That's so freaking rude to label someone as "And Guest," especially when you know their name. If this was a case where you knew your friend had a girlfriend but you didn't know her name, then you'd take the five seconds to call your friend and ask for her name. "And Guest" is only appropriate when you are inviting a single person to a wedding and you're telling them that they're allowed to find a date to bring (and in this case, when the person replies saying that they'll bring a date, then you need to find out the date's name for the place cards and thank you notes). "And Guest" is not an excuse to be lazy and not make that tiny effort to actually find out the person's name.

    It's fine to send one invitation to your friend's house, but addressed to both of them BY NAME.

    "And Guest" would not make her feel any more or less obligated to attend your wedding, nor would addressing her by her actual name. A wedding invitation is not a subpoena. She can choose to attend or decline, however she sees fit. That's what the "Decline" box is for on the RSVP card, you know.

    You're REALLY over-thinking this, and you're correct that it'd be an insult to not use the poor girl's actual name.

  • 7 years ago

    Writing her name on the invitation is more personable, shows more thought and care then just "guest". Of course, none of your guests have to feel obliged to have to go to your wedding, but of course it is nice. I would address both their names under one invitation because they are a couple and just send it to your friend's house. I think it would put her more in the spot if you sent her a single invitation.

  • zilmag
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    I'd address the invitation to both of them and send it to his address.

    I think it's weird to send an invitation to her house if it's true that you wouldn't be inviting her without his attendance.

    If it feels strange or like too much assumption (like, they're not all that established as a couple and could break up between now and the wedding?), invite him in person first, and ask him - "you'll be coming with Jane if she can come, right? OK I'll send the invitation to your house"

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  • 7 years ago

    if she is a friend enough as someone you would be around at times without the boyfriend, then you should invite her on her own. and no you cannot send the invitiation to his house. send it directly to her.

    if she is a person you would normally only see or be around when she is with the boyfriend, then send him an invitation marked "and guest". the reason for this is that if she is busy and cannot attend, as you feel might be the case, that leaves him the option of bringing someone else with him to accompany him. we should never presuppose our friend's relationships with others either. even though we think we know what is going on, we often don't.

    correct form is to issue the invitation to the person you are friends with and spend time with. if she is a person you would consider a friend and with whom you spend time seperately from her boyfriend, then she needs her own invitation sent to her address.

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    I agree with Bobby D that it depends on how long they have been together. But I think 6 months is a bit too much. If they have been dating for more than 3 months and you have seen her more than twice then put their names on the same invite.

    Putting their names together on the invite is like saying 'guest' so she won't feel obligated to go but at the same time it shows respect and regard for their relationship.

    So putting "John Smith and Jane Johnson" on the same invite will be like the best of both worlds!

    Best of luck for your big day, I wish you all the happiness

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    Use her name. According to etiquette guides "and guest" isn't ever appropriate. Find out the names of all significant others invited.

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    Tracie Domino Events

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  • Katey
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    If you know her name, I would use it. It is proper, and you can speak to your cousin privately and let him know that if his girlfriend can't make the wedding, that her invite is transferrable.

    Also, I just sent the invitations to my family, including their guests. You can do the same.

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