Alexis asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 7 years ago

Is this poem alright?

I turned it in for a spanish project a couple of days ago and am just wondering of a couple more opinions on it... My dad is fluent in the language, and does it seem to make sense in spanish and/or english?

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Spanish

Yo te espero con pasión

Añoro por ti con dolor

Cada día, la rosa se marchita

Robada de su color

En la luz y la oscuridad

Y cuándo la tierra florece

La primavera te excluye

Todavía la rosa muere

Mi amor, lo siento

Invierno empieza

Nieve te cubre

Y esconde tu belleza

Los petalos son arruinados

Por la escarcha despiadada

Y tú, mi rosa preciosa

Te caíste, abandonada

---

English

I wait for you with passion

I yearn for you, in pain

Each day, the rose wilts away

All its color drained

In the light and darkness

Springtime passes it by,

And when the earth blooms,

Still, it continues to die

My love, I am sorry

As winter begins,

The snow covers you

And masks the beauty within

The petals are shriveled

By the merciless frost

And you, my precious rose,

You fall, utterly lost

4 Answers

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  • 7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    There are some beautful lines in this piece and I think you could improve your poem further wth slight adjustments to the meter. That way it would flow much better and sound more pleasing when read aloud.

    (Did you compose this poem?)

  • 7 years ago

    WOOOOW I love writing poems, and yours is really really SUPER amazing. Absolultly beautiful. Sorry I'm only fluent in English and German so I cant really help. But Its amazing! Definatly makes sense.

    Source(s): I write poems all the time, also for creative writing class :D
  • 3 years ago

    "words continuously return and forth to the tip" could examine extra effective in case you drop "words continuously" and alter "return and forth" to "traveling". words are like a river Flowing in the direction of their holiday spot traveling to the tip The final of a letter, a e book or in undemanding terms a Poem. different than that, it a lovable little poem. :-)

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    Its good but what is your poetic writing style sorry if I'm unable to find it and their is one but ither then that its really good

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