lovechild asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 7 years ago

Would you like to critique my newest poem dear poetry affiliates?

Ever since being utterly devastated with Puff,

learning that magic was not strong enough

to stave off separation of best friends by death,

I hold back a liitle of myself in each breath.

If I capitulate unto a greater love will it evolve,

or gather mists , fog the streetlights and dissolve?

I see people take it for granted and let it degrade

chasing illusions that make little dreamers fade.

So starry eyes glaze over, turning hard,

hearts tossed to the rubbish pile, scarred,

get picked up by poets, dreamers, and like souls.

We rekindle flames from barely burning coals.

I hope this fire warms your benumbed spirit;

for this was a call out for you all to hear it.

This was for all of you, you know:https://www.facebook.com/ForgedByFireACollective13

Update:

Nancy Viva la difference! It is the interesting things that are the differences , what would we do as a bunch of poet-clones? I love the diversity in the book, it is a good way to see the range of artists in this forum and I hope it helps all realize their own dreams. G'nite!

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  • 7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    That Puff thing *was* devastating. They shouln't let kids hear that song. I still haven't had the money at the end of the month to get a copy of FBF, but I'm gonna! Smile all day for no good reason, you'll be surprised how happy it'll make ya. :)

    Source(s): Has anyone made Yahoo aware of your book? I think (if you can find an actual human to contact) that they might give it some headline attention here at YA if you make a point of saying how important YAP was to its birth. If you'd like a non-author to do that work, I'll do it!
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  • 7 years ago

    you are capitulating greater love thus it evolves

    as a new form, a beast of charm and light, with thirteen arms

    for as one voice in this cacophony cannot involve

    the hearts of millions, here, abroad and everywhere with charm

    Your seeking heart is thus my seeking heart, my voice your voice

    we echo all the world, its joys and pain, this privilege

    be not benumbed, be warmed instead, and sing out loud, rejoice

    and fill the emptiness with warm and loving images.

    even without an eye we see, without a tongue we taste

    the energy that drives the carriages, in countries far

    where quaint, perhaps advanced, machines, drive working men in haste

    towards a goal that separates, breeds hate, and ignites war

    With our concerted efforts may some silent seeds be sown

    to men some cheer and conquering an earth that's filled with stone.

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  • 7 years ago

    I like it. It makes me think of how often people mistake falling in love for real love. Romance is not love. Kinship and friendship are real love.

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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    Beautiful poem, did you write it?Thinking of conjuring another of my own.

    Been in the closet for a while now.

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  • Nat
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    I can't recall the last time I used "charming", in describing a

    poem...but I have to go with that inner voice that leads me.

    You've combined all the oft heard rhythm, meter and momentum

    combined with your crest-stamped, sterling imagination and composed

    a charming poem.

    You've turned a down-trodden, dogeared day into

    a fresh, star sprinkled night.

    Thanks, LC

    I needed that.

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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    I rub my hands together walking towards the warmth of

    12 other warm bodies, and offer them a drink

    of my hot toddie

    g' nite

    another thing I like about this book is it gives reality of us to all of you,

    there are those on this forum who claim to have books published yet they never

    give us the names or the links to find them,

    which to me only proves they are hot air coming from a balloon in someones brain.

    Source(s): just because we have differences does not mean I cannot like a person
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  • 7 years ago

    "I see people take it for granted and let it degrade

    chasing illusions that make little dreamers fade"

    That's really cool.

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  • 7 years ago

    Your wings are pretty. Be careful of the flame.

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  • 7 years ago

    Sigh...I will try to keep your advice in mind.

    Thank you for the poem.

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  • 7 years ago

    a great poem I sure enjoyed reading. thanks for sharing. :)

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