Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 社會及文化語言 · 7 years ago

中六作文求評 letter to the principal

Topic: Students and parents from your school have raised a large sum of money for China's development. The school Principal is now asking students for their opinions as to which one of the following two initiatives in China should receive the money: (i) further space exploration; or (ii) basic healthcare and education in rural areas. Write a letter to the Principal, saying which initiative should receive the donation and why it should not be given to the other.

Dear Principal,

As to the use of the large sum of money raise in our school recently, I am concerned about it because there is nothing more important than caring our nation’s development as a Chinese. I am writing to express my opinions over the issue. After my deliberation, I believe that we should put the donation to the initiative of ‘basic healthcare and education in rural areas’ rather than ‘further place exploration’.

Basic healthcare gives the residents in rural areas protection for health. In rural areas, people are easy to suffer from illness. The drinking water is unclean. When they drink it, they may well suffer from cholera. What is more, their immunity will be deteriorated. Also, they lack knowledge of hygiene, which is prerequisite for people to shy away from sickness. In severe cases, people may die in consequence if they suffer from illness. Concerning that the lack of medical facilities in rural areas, we should help them by donating money to build up basic healthcare with no hesitation, lest there should be losses of human lives.

Besides, basic education helps relieve the problem of poverty in rural areas. With no basic education provided in rural areas, there is a high illiteracy rate. In subsequence, the people in rural areas have low competitiveness of finding jobs. Instead, they resort to farming. They, however, receive little income. In some areas, there are always bad weather,

Update:

devastating crops and plants cultivation. Therefore, people in those areas have to face risks of crops and plants devastation. If devastation really happens, they get zero income. In plain terms, people in rural areas have to survive with little and instable income. So, we should provide basic

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education to them with a view to increasing their competitiveness of finding jobs. Not until we do so can we ameliorate their poverty problem.

It is uncontested that basic healthcare and education in rural areas are so important a prerequisite that they improve the health of people and

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problem of poverty. At the same time, donating for the initiative of further place exploration should be a worse choice.

First, further place exploration causes unbalanced development of China. There can be two situations: exploring places in prosperous cities and exploring

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places in remote areas. The first one should not be taken in consideration. Since the big cities are already wealthy enough, we should put more finance in developing remote area in order to have a balanced development around China. If we explore places in those big cities, we may well provide more

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land for them to have further development, causing unbalanced development in China since the remote areas are so undeveloped. The second one would be too impulsive. Since the basic facilities in remote areas are lacked, like transportations, hospitals, residential buildings schools, etc, further

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place exploration is unmeaning. We cannot further develop those areas after place exploration, nor can we polish the economical state of those areas. Therefore, further place exploration does not facilitate in the balanced development of China.

Second, further place exploration is

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subordinate when compared to basic healthcare and education in rural areas in term of urgency basic healthcare and education in rural areas should be a priority. It is human lives that take precedence over everything. With basic healthcare saves the lives in rural areas. Simultaneously, basic

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education helps polish the impoverished situation in rural areas. We should ensure every people in our nation have equal opportunity of receiving education and endeavour to maintain a more equivalent economical development.

To conclude, donating

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money to the initiative of basic healthcare and education in rural areas is better than donating money to the initiative of further place exploration, in that the former help protect the health of people and help ameliorate the

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problem of poverty, whereas the latter may cause unbalanced development of China and is secondary when considering the urgency. China’s development is in embryo and rapid. However, we should bear in mind that not to overlook the

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livelihood of poor people. Only when China have developed equally among all the areas can she be a civilized, triumphant and prosperous nation which is beyond compare. I hope my opinions can be deeply

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pondered over.

Yours faithfully,

Chris Wong

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全文705字 用時 2 hours

2 Answers

Rating
  • 7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hi, I have just been reading your essay and I think that in general it is quite good.

    The only thing that concerns me is your interpretation of 'space exploration'. I have always understood 'space' in this context as having some associations with 'outer space' or something to do with the universe, as opposed to the context of an area of land. And if you google 'space exploration' you will see that my view may be right. Hence, the first tip is to read the question thoroughly and try to understand if before you answer it. If you are not sure, don't do it.

    Another issue I noticed is your use of vocabulary. I can see that you have attempted to use a wide range of vocabularies which is commendable, but the problem is that it gives the reader a feeling that you are memorising them rather than genuinely using them because it is appropriate. For instance, in the first paragraph, you have wrote 'after my deliberation'. Technically speaking, there is nothing wrong in using this word, but in general this word will not be used in this context. It would be better to just use the word 'think' or 'after given my thoughts to it' or simply cross out the whole sentence. My advise would be to always keep it simple. It is better to use simple words in a coherent and concrete manner rather than using complicated words trying to look smart and yet failing to convey the idea you intended to. The only purpose in composition is to communicate the your thoughts on a given matter to the person reading it.

    The structure is okay. Few grammatical mistakes.

    I think it would be a 3 or 4 if you had not misunderstood the meaning of space exploration at the start

  • YIP
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    Topic: Students and parents from your school have raised a large sum of money for China's development.

    The school Principal is now asking students for their opinions as to which one of the following two initiatives in China should receive the money: (i) further land development; or (ii) basic healthcare and education in rural areas. Write a letter to the Principal, saying which initiative should receive the donation and why it should not be given to the other.

    Dear Principal,

    In regards to the use of the large sum of money raised in our school recently, I am concerned about it because there is nothing more important than caring our nation’s development. As a Chinese, I am writing to express my opinions over this issue. After my deliberation, I believe that we should put the donation to the initiative of ‘basic healthcare and education in rural areas’ rather than ‘further land development’.

    The basic healthcare gives the residents in rural areas protection for health. In rural areas, people are easy to suffer from illness. The drinking water is unclean. When they drink it, they may subject to cholera and more than that their immunity will be weakened. Also, they lack knowledge of hygiene, which is prerequisite for stay away from sickness. In severe cases, people may die in consequence if they contract the illness. Concerning that the lack of medical facilities in rural areas, we should help them by donating money to build up basic healthcare services without any delay , lest there should be losses of human lives.

    Besides, the basic education helps to relieve the problem of poverty in rural areas. With no basic education provided in rural areas, there is a high illiteracy rate. In subsequence, the people in rural areas have low competitiveness of finding jobs. Instead, they resort to farming. They, however, receive little income. In some areas, they always have bad weather which 2013-02-05 19:36:29 補充 devastate crops and cultivation.

    Source(s): Partly according to The Advanced Learner Dictionary of Current English with Chinese Translation by Oxford University Press in 1975
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