Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 社會及文化語言 · 7 years ago

中六級英文作文求評,謝謝

Topic: Some employers in Hong kong have stated that they prefer to employ Hong Kong people who have graduated from local universities rather than those who have graduated from overseas universities.

Do you think that a degree from a university in Hong kong is better or worse than a degree from a university overseas? Write a letter to the South China Morning Post giving your opinion and discussing the issue.

Update:

Dear Editor,

Hundreds of thousands of Hong Kong students graduated from local or overseas universities every year. They then become labour forces of Hong Kong society. However, their remunerations are different because different employers may have different preference of

Update 2:

whther they want to hire workers who graduated from local or overseas universities. According to an investigation, some employers in Hong Kong prone to employ local universities graduators rather than overseas universities graduators. Yet, I hold different views from those employers since

Update 3:

I reckon that a degree from a university overseas is better than a degree from a university in Hong Kong.

Students who graduated from overseas universities have better English communication skills. They have to talk with people in English all the time in foreign country, especially those

Update 4:

who study in English speaking country, like USA or England. In scientific terms, the brain court in charge of language of a person can be stimulated by the surrounding environment. Hence the brain courts of language of thosewho study overseas are theoretically more active than those who study

Update 5:

in Hong Kong. They, therefore, are unquestionably hold better English communication skills. With such a skills, they are undoubtedly a better labour force than those who study in local universities.

Apart from language communication, those who graduated from universities overseas have broader

Update 6:

horizons, hence having more creative minds. Creative minds are essential to a company. With creative minds make a company more efficient. For example, a creative person may have better ideas on how to finish his/her job in less time, or have better ideas on how to manage a company.

Update 7:

Moreover, a creative person may think of revolutionary products which eventually help a company earn a huge profit. Isn’t Iphone is created by a creative person, Steve Jobs? Therefore, if you want to employ a more creative worker, those who graduated from universities overseas are

Update 8:

better choices than those graduated from local universities.

Besides, overseas university graduators should have better problem solving abilities, which makes them a

Update 9:

better labour force. Living in overseas for a long time, they must have got over many trivial matters in their lives by their own. With unfamiliar environment they live in, they are more strenuous to maintain their daily lives than those who study in Hong Kong. They have to face the problems of

Update 10:

adoption, accommodations, communications, transportations, etc. Therefore, they train themselves more independent and more capable of dealing with problems. With such advantages make them a better labour force than those who graduated from universities in Hong Kong.

Update 11:

All in all, it is the communication skills, the more creative minds and the problem solving skills that make those who graduated from universities overseas better employees. What make a person triumphant of working is his/her real competence, apart from his/her expertise.

Update 12:

Hardly can he/she be a good worker if he/she does not have real working capability. I hope my opinions are constructive to employers in Hong Kong when they are pondering over selecting

Update 13:

suitable employees.

Yours sincerely,

Chris Wong

可以的話,額外給個分數 ( 1~5** )

全文 503字, 用時 1hr 30mins

3 Answers

Rating
  • Jenkin
    Lv 7
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    評分:3分

    因為:

    所有的"graduated"應該用present tense=graduate示意是一個狀態(事實)而不是相對的動詞(所有談論的畢了業的都是已完成而不是過去式),你可參考問題亦是用present perfect tense的have graduated.把這設定時態升格我會用simple present tense.但安全一點可用have graduated.

    whether

    graduator(s)是你創而沒有的英文字。畢業生的英文名詞是graduates。

    顯示你文法寫作ok但詞彙和讀真正英文的範圍仍不夠廣。

    English communication skill[]

    這skill是眾數?還是單數?不要平時見communication skills一定是眾數會任何的communciation都是眾數,要留心你寫的是甚麼。

    brain court (????)

    查不到這個詞

    labour force 是社會學名詞,當你講到個別公司的員工時便不能用they are a bette labour force. 他們只能是a better employee.

    broader horizons [這是中文-英文沒有這phrase的,請查吓英語人如何說有廣闊的視野]

    more creative minds[你肯定creative mind是可數的眾數並可以有多些的嗎?]. Creative minds are essential to a company. [ ] creative minds make a company more efficient.

    those who graduate(have graduated) from universities overseas are a better choice than those ...[這choice不是按人多人少決定它的多少的吧?]

    Living [ ] overseas ...[in 用錯presposition, 多留意新聞便會學到這phrase]

    trivial matters [跟你想表達外國學生能面對的處理困難主題相配嗎?]

    adoption [收養小孩子?我估是adaptation吧],

    Therefore, they train themselves to be more independent What makes a person triumphant in working is his/her real (competence何來分辨real/unreal?) competence, [句子structure改為Apart from his/her expertise, what makes a person triumphant in a career is his/her competence.通常如果是比較會先講反面用正面作結論]

    ... does not have real (real/unreal?用錯形容詞啦) working capability.[這句亦是除褲放屁-sorry要咁講]

  • 7 years ago

    No offence:

    英文有 “broader horizons”

    1. 有一電影, 名稱 “Broad Horizons”

    2. 書名 "The Benefit of Broad Horizons " – by H. Josnd and B. Klein

    3. 英國報紙 “The Telegraph” 和 Alberta 大學有用這 phrase

    4. Albrecht Lempp 逝世, 訃聞言及 a man of broad horizons.

    電影, 書名, 報紙, 大學, 訃聞都有用. 沒有什麼不對.

    2013-02-08 05:44:38 補充:

    prone 是 adjective, 不是 verb

    English-speaking ~ one word

    iPhone was invented by an innovative person, 不是 ”is created”

    iPhone, 不是 Iphone.

    Labour force, strenuous, ponder, … etc 等字用錯

    還有 grammar, sentence structure, usage (e.g. on their own, not “by”)

    2013-02-08 05:50:57 補充:

    你是講大學畢業生, 用 Steve Jobs 不適當, College dropout

    這類天才萬中無一, As an employee, 難適應 corporation culture.

    Generalization 非常危險, Overseas graduates和 Local graduates畢業那間大學, 讀什麼科, 工作經驗, 是重大因素

    香港老板需要是大多數 efficient, 勝任, 聽話employees, 不是 creative employees, 除了做design.

    純個人意見 Hope my criticism is a constructive one.

    2013-02-09 02:34:24 補充:

    I beg to diifer.

    Graduate 是 action verb, 不是state verb. 言及某個人 You, He, She, John .. 已畢了業, 多數用 past simple tense. 如果有 in 2010, ten years ago, 更不用說.

    Graduate不示意一個狀態, 是一個動作, 示意完成,大學課程, 獲得學位, 行畢業禮是以前發生的事. 所以用past tense.

    He graduated from York with a degree in Psychology. – Oxford Adv Eng. Dict.

    2013-02-09 02:39:48 補充:

    當句子有 every year, nowadays 或指 a group of people, 不是指某一個人, 才用 present simple tense, (沒有確定何時畢業)

    Approximately 80% of Americans graduate from high school.

    When a student graduates from university, they have successfully completed the university course.

    言及將來, 用 future form

    He will graduate next year.

  • 7 years ago

    ~5~you do very fast and good but me......QAQ

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