Do you know any good clean Christian Jokes?

I am scheduled to MC a Church Brunch and needs some appropriate jokes to tell.

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  • 7 years ago
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    I have a bunch of good ones. Here is the best one.

    Not long ago, the Pope visited Washington, D.C. He arrived at the airport and was met by the limo driver who held up a sign which said, "The Pope." They went out to the limo parked at the curb. The Pope noticed it was a German car. {Yuck it up with the German accent)}

    "Ach, a Merceedes, such a fine example of German engineering. I want to drive."

    "But you can't," replied the nervous chauffer, "I'm here to drive you."

    "I want to drive."

    "But Your Grace, you don't have a CDL license. I must drive."

    "Are you a Catholic?" asked the Pope.

    "Yes..." replied the driver nervously.

    "Then as the leader of your church, I command you to give me the keys!" thundered the Pope.

    So the driver reluctantly handed over the keys and got in the back seat. A triumphant Pope got in and drove off. All is fine until they reach the airport exit.

    "What are you doing, Your Grace? The national cathedrial is the other direction."

    "I know how to find the national cathedrial you dumbkopff. I am going to take this Mercedes out on your autobahn and "see what she can do," as you Americans say.

    They get out on the D.C. beltway and the Pope opens up the car going 70, 80, 90, 100 mph, while the driver sinks lower and lower into the back seat. Suddenly, the unthinkable happens. Flashing red lights appear behind them, followed by the wail of a police siren. The driver tries to hide under his seat, as the Pope slows down to stop.

    The police officer comes up and knocks on the window. When he sees who is driving the car, he goes right back to his cruiser and gets on the radio.

    "Dispatch," he says, "Get me Captain."

    A moment later, "This is the Captain, what's going on?"

    "I just pulled over somebody really important on the Beltway, and I don't know what to do."

    "Why, give him a ticket, throw the book at him!"

    "You don't understand, sir. This is somebody really, really important."

    "Who are we talking about? A senator? A cabinet member?

    "Sir, I think it is the Lord Jesus Christ Himself returning in glory. The pope is driving his liimo!"

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  • 7 years ago

    ok so a priest needs a horse so he goes into town to buy one but the only shop sell them is a old run down place but he goes up asks can i buy a horse and the man ses yes but this is a special horse and it only stops if you say god almighty and only goes if you say praise the lord so the priest see ok i think thats ok so he buys the horse and on the way home he sees the bridge has collapsed so the priest ses to his horse slow down but the horse keeps going so he see it again but the still doest stop and goes faster and fast when priest remembers and shouts GOD ALMIGHTY and the horse stops just before the collapsed bridge so in relief the priest ses ah praise the lord

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  • 3 years ago

    A undesirable version on an old humorous tale. interior the unique the guy spends an afternoon in each and every, and chooses Hell. while he complains that it did no longer stay as much as the promise, he's informed 'Oh, that fluctuate into the Open Day'.

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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

    A: A zit waits until you’re at least 12 before it cums on your face!

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  • 7 years ago

    Changing the cat box is a job for the liturgist.

    Source(s): A greeting card.
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  • 7 years ago

    The night that Mary said to Joe : 'Joe , I'm pregnant' and he goes like 'Holy Mother of God!' and Mary's like 'You're right! '

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  • 7 years ago

    Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans of your future..

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  • 7 years ago

    There's a priest, a nun and a rabbi....

    No hang on, that ones not clean.

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  • I'm sorry I don't. They only ones I know will get you excommunicated from your church.

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  • ZILLA
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    Can't remember any offhand, but here's a link:

    http://jokes.christiansunite.com/

    Good luck :)

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