Wedding Invitation Etiquette?

My parents are still married, but the groom's parents are divorced and both remarried. All three, along with us are contributing to the payment of the wedding( although most is my parents,as I am the bride) but both of his are contributing a lot of both time and money as well. I don't want to hurt any feelings, or leave anyone out, but I'm not sure how to form the invites. I've looked online and most invites just have the the bride's parents at the top. How do I add 3 families without it looking odd and what order do I arrange the families in? Thanks!

16 Answers

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  • 7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You write "Together with their families, John Doe and Jane Smith, invite you to their wedding"

    Includes everyone. Boom. Done

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  • 7 years ago

    In modern times, who pays for what and how much is private information and invitations ought not to even hint at something so personal. That is why modern invitations are rightly worded using the passive voice: that is "You are invited" rather than "Virg and Mary invite you."

    The pleasure of the company of

    [write in each name, no &Guest nonsense]

    is requested at a small dance

    to celebrate the marriage of ...

    or

    The honor of the presence of

    [write in each name, no &Guest nonsense]

    is desired at the marriage of ...

    The second wording is for a ceremony. No one "invites" people to a ceremony since God is The Host and it is His House. One can only say that it is hoped that certain people will attend God's worship service to witness the ritual.

    Miss Manners tells us to invite And Guest if and only if someone is named And Guest. If you don't know a name, don't know whether there is a significant other, then find out.

    "A small dance" is an old fashioned way to say your party is very very special, but it isn't incorrect to say "cake and champagne," "a dinner and dance," "a weenie roast," or whatever describes your party.

    Now about the parents. All four bio-parents should be listed in the invitation as well as any step-parents who have been "real" parents to either bride or groom. If both the groom's step-father and step-mother fit this description, the invitation might go on to say

    ... Bonnie Bride, daughter of

    Virg and Mary Bride, to

    Goodly Groom, son of

    Gretta Groom Newman and David Newman

    Gandalf Groom and Millie Smith Groom

    on Saturday etc etc etc

    Bio-parents Gretta and Gandalf divorced while Goodly was a child. Gretta remarried to David Newman and Gandalf remarried to Millie Smith. Both David and Millie have been "bonus parents" for Goodly.

    Some general guidelines are

    Together couples' names are joined with "and" but those not together are not.

    Together couples' names may appear on a single line, but those not together are never named on the same line. Together couples' name may appear on two line if one name is so long that it's awkward, but don't forget the "and" joining them.

    It's OK if the two forming a together couple don't have the same last name. Why not is nobody's business.

    Ladies first, and mothers are by definition ladies. However if the couple (the parents, that is) prefers the "John and Jane Doe" construction, use that rather than "Jane Jones Doe and John Doe."

    Bio-parent before step-parent.

    If there is a parent who vanished from the scene when the child was quite young, who has never been part of the family, who's relatives have never been part of the child's life, then it would be odd to list that that parent. "The invisible man" (or more rarely, invisible woman) remains invisible and that child has only one bio-parent.

    I hope this is helpful. Congrats and best wishes.

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  • 7 years ago

    I would simply label the invitation something like this:

    Mr. and Mrs. John Smith [example bride's parents] along with Mr and Mrs. Steven Atkins [example groom's father and step mother] and Mr and Mrs Wayne Thompson [example groom's mother and step father] cordially invite you to the wedding of their children

    Juile Anne Smith (bride)

    to

    Peter William Atkins (groom)

    If you just search invitation sites you will find templates on how to write up an invitation for all combinations of whose hosting. I would simply list the parents hosting and not even mention that you, the bride and groom, are paying/hosting. Let people just assume all of your parents are collectively paying.

    Or you can say Mr and Mrs brides parents and then just the names of the grooms parents minus the step parents: Mr. Steven Atkins and Mrs. Diane Thompson.

    I would draft up some examples and then ask all of the parents their input on this to make sure everyone is ok with however you word the invitations before ordering the final print.

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  • 7 years ago

    Mr & Mrs Groomsparents & Mr Grooms Father and Ms. Grooms Mother

    Request your presence as Jane Doe Bride and John Doe Groom

    Blah blah blah....

    If you feel that it is important enought to add their names then do it. They will appreciate it

    who cares if it doesnt look like the standard invite samples that you find on the web. This day is about you and do things the way you would like them done :)

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  • 7 years ago

    First off, the invitation does not indicate who is paying, or who is paying the most. If people want to make assumptions about who is paying for your wedding, then let them go ahead and assume, and if they're rude enough to ask you about it then tell them it's none of their business.

    The absolute easiest thing to do would be to use a generic phrase that includes everyone but doesn't mention specific names:

    Together with their parents/Together with their families,

    Jane Margaret Bride

    and

    Steven Andrew Groom

    request the pleasure of your company

    etc. etc. etc.

    However, talk to your parents. If a giant brawl would truly erupt over them not having their actual names written on the invitation, then you have a couple of options:

    1) Mr. and Mrs. John Bride

    request the pleasure of your company

    at their marriage of their daughter

    Jane Margaret Bride

    to

    Steven Andrew Groom

    son of

    Mr. and Mrs. Donald Groomsmother

    Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Groomsfather

    2) The pleasure of your company is requested

    at the marriage of

    Jane Margaret Bride

    daughter of Mr. and Mrs. John Bride

    to

    Steven Andrew Groom

    son of

    Mr. and Mrs. Donald Groomsmother

    Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Groomsfather

    3) Mr. and Mrs. John Bride

    Mr. and Mrs. Donald Groomsmother

    Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Groomsfather

    request the pleasure of your company

    at the marriage of their children

    Jane Margaret Bride

    and

    Steven Andrew Groom

    Order-wise: Ladies first. Which means, first the bride's parents, then the groom's mother and her husband, then the groom's father and his wife.

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  • 7 years ago

    Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public

    Mr. and Mrs. Steven P. Somebody

    and

    Mr. and Mrs. Paul G. So-n-so

    cordially invite you to share the joy and celebration of the marriage between their children Patricia B. Public and Mr. Steven P. Somebody, Jr., at 2:00 o'clock p.m. on September thirty-second, two-thousand and thirteen at the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility, 1717 Rosewood Lane, Lake Woebegone, Minnesota.

    Reception to follow at the Lake Woebegon Hilton Hotel, in the Garrison room.

    To ensure the enjoyment of our guests with children (under 12 years of age), child care will be provided at both the Church and at the Reception.

    The honor of a reply is requested.

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  • Alison
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    So if you want to be absolutely correct according to etiquette you would still use the traditional form. Your acknowledgment of the contributions of others are done at the reception when you announce them and thank them in front of the guests.

    So your invitations would include your (bride's) parents as the hosts of the event without mention of the groom's relatives.

    Source(s): wedding coordinator
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  • Tricia
    Lv 5
    7 years ago

    My husband and I have been the parents of the bride and the parents of the groom. We were generous in helping to pay for both weddings. We deeply appreciated being named on the invitations.

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  • 7 years ago

    How about something simple like :

    The parents of Jane Doe and John Smith invite you to share in the celebration or joy of their wedding blah blah blah.To honor those who are doing more for you should be done in a Thank You note to them.

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  • 7 years ago

    You are cordially invited to the wedding of Mary Doe to Jeffrey Jones

    or

    Mr and Mrs John Smith

    Mr and Mrs Peter Doe

    and

    Mr and Mrs Oscar Jones

    cordially invite you to the wedding of their children

    Mary Doe

    and

    Jeffrey Jones

    to be held on

    July 4th, 2013

    at the Church of the Baptist

    at 4:00 p.m.

    Please help them celebrate this golrious occasion.

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  • 7 years ago

    You can word it like this;

    Along with our families

    Bride's first and last name

    &

    Groom's first and last name

    Would like to cordially invite you

    to celebrate in the ceremony of

    our marriage...

    (You can word it however, this is just an idea.)

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