Married woman and men answer?
I am a guy in a relationship that's going strong for two years. My girlfriend is a virgin and wants to wait till marriage. I find my girlfriend real attractive and to make a long story short I want to have Sex with her. Now in my brain I'm content with not having sex because I respect her values and want to marry her one day. Now down south is another story lol. My brain thinks totally different when I'm in the mood and everything she does is a quick turn on for me. I've tried diving into working on my car playing video games etc. nothing changes. If any if you were virgins till marrige please tell me how you and your husband worked that out. How was he. Maybe ask him to. Thank you very much.
- John SLv 77 years agoFavorite Answer
I think many are trying to give you advise..but not exactly answer the question.
Married 15 years, both were virgins when we got married.
get out of your mind, if you haven't already, that you have to 'see if you are compatible or not' -- and PLEASE don't use that as an excuse or pressure. You ARE compatible if you are deeply in love. TRUST ME. No one who had a real relationship got divorced over sex. Sexual issues are always a sign of deeper problems with the relationship, not the other way around.
"Try it before you buy it" is such a vulgar way of looking at someone. It basically makes them like an object that you own.
If you are filling your eyes and mind with pornographic images, then it will be 100 times harder to not act of those things with your GF/fiance. So if you are.. try eliminating it, so you starve your mind and eyes of something that you can't yet experience with her. Why frustrate yourself like that.
That will HELP, but not eliminate the feelings.
Don't spend a ton of time isolated with each other if you are feeling tempted. Be around other people as much as possible.
Set some actual boundaries on WHAT you will do, how far you will go. What physical stuff is OK, and what is not. Have each of you responsible for enforcing the boundaries on their own body for the other person.
Give the other person your permission to HELP them keep in check. For instance.. say "and if I start to go too far, stop me" - Often the other person in the relationship doesn't want to be the "bad guy" or 'reject' their fiance. So give your GF/fiance permission to put the brakes on things if they go too far.
Research on the internet the reasons WHY people wait. The research on the benefits of chastity and the arguments for it. What you need is greater understanding WHY this is not the best time, even though part of you thinks it is. So arm your brain with some logic and reason FOR chastity rather then against it. After all, you are trying to respect your GF/fiance -- so embrace chastity rather then wrestling with it, will make things easier.
Talk to your girlfriend WHY.. so you understand her better. Don't challenge her to throw off her belief..but to better get in tune with her.
Find other ways, other then physcially, to express your love. Find non-physical ways to communicate your feelings. Make it a challenge to be creative. What you may find out is that this deepens your relationship and improves communication.
Keep a journal and write about your feelings. This makes a GREAT gift after you are married to show your spouse how much you thought about them and WHAT you were thinking. That while you may have seem cool on the outside, you were anything but on the inside.
Encourage your GF/fiance to do the same for you.
Find other things to do when you feel 'frustrated' -- exercise is a great endorphin release that can help reduce sexual frustration.
couples who wait to have sex have less divorce. Psychiatrists aren't exactly sure WHY, but statistics show it to be true. Several 'theories' are proposed. The most common is that by waiting you teach yourself how to hold off instant gratification for a greater goal. This is KEY to a long term and happy marriage.
If she compromises on her beliefs NOW.. then you start the marriage compromised and set yourself up for more of the same, which can spell disaster later on.
Compromise on small stuff like where to hang your coat is one thing.. compromise on one's morals is NOT something that should be encouraged and NOT part of a healthy relationship.
Without exception, almost none of my friends who didn't wait are still married. Of my circle of friends, my wife and I are one of the only ones left standing.
- SillypantsLv 77 years ago
When you finally do have sex... sorry, capital S Sex ;)... when you finally do you're going to be gentle and respectful and all. But once the first time is over, don't expect "Ok! That's it! We're all in now!" and expect sex sports, porn sex, wildness and her being a slutty whore for you.
I know a dude who did that to his virgin wife. They waited. He was a gentleman the first time. And then after that didn't understand why now that she wasn't a virgin anymore she couldn't just loosen up.
Women who stay virgins on purpose, the best I can tell, do so because of hang ups... religion, sexual, body issues, etc. Try to recognize that once you're already "in" so to speak.
John S. Don't be so effing judgmental. The couple I spoke about ended in divorce because the guy was self-centered. He waited and expected a medal, caused her a lot of stress and anxiety, she never trusted him and the more he pushed and demanded his entitlements as a husband, the worse she felt about herself. I know, she is a close family member and he was a good friend who I realized was one of those types who was "such a good guy!" but a real d!ck when no one else was watching.
So the advice I gave was real and on the mark for what he asked for later down the line to supplement the answer for what he can do now. It's all information that helps.
- AnnieLv 77 years ago
I take it your are still young ?? you don't really say... It might help if we know rather you are say, under 20, over 20, is she ??
Anyway, no matter the age, if you LOVE her you will wait, and if she loves you she will wait for all to fall into place.. Don't let others rush you into anything, marriage etc.. Marriage is NOT to be taken lightly.. and should be done when BOTH parties are ready to take that step.. Same with sex, it is NOT something to be taken lightly these days, no matter what some might say.. to much can and does go wrong.. Consider ALL that can go wrong...
And you handle it by being *grown up* and taking control of yourself and having RESPECT ...
Child of God - X atheist
- RicardoLv 77 years ago
You are trying to reconcile a biological process with a sociological/religious process that was designed for no other purpose than to control people. It ain't gonna work.
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- MelkhaLv 77 years ago
Since you say you want to marry her why have you waited 2 years ? My husband and I waited until after marriage for a sexual relationship, but we didn't wait 2 years. We were married within 6 months. What are YOU waiting for ?
- Pale RiderLv 47 years ago
You cannot win what you hope to win if the you stands in the way.
Ask her father if he says yes, ask her mother if she says yes; marry the woman.
- 7 years ago
You should have sex with her before marriage, because if you don't like your sexlife you will be stuck with her.
- JimLv 77 years ago
That's when masturbation comes in handy.
- РобертLv 77 years ago
You will just have to "spank your monkey"
BY YOURSELF - No mutual masturbating allowed.
. . .