I am concerned about my mental state?
I've been having auditory hallucinations for quite a while now. I had my first flashback last night, involving verbal abuse and physical abuse from my mother. Before this flashback, I had an auditory hallucination of someone saying something. I couldn't understand what they said, but just the mere sound of it set me on edge and I nearly went berserk. I became so angry and I have no idea why, and during that moment all I wanted to do was kill myself and everyone around me. I've had several other hallucinations, a female voice, most of the time. She acts motherly towards me, comforting me and making sure I'm alright. Hell, she acted more like a mother than my real mother did. And I only heard her voice about twice a month! It was so comforting, though. I felt so secure when I heard it. I have had two visual hallucinations, one of a man standing over my bed staring at me, and another of little bugs flying all around me. I panicked when this happened and began swatting the air frantically with my hands, only to have them disappear moments later.
If this means anything to you people, I have been raped/molested twice. Once by my mother, and once by her boyfriend.
I'm starting to become worried about my mental state. I've had multiple severe (sudden) mood swings and I have attempted suicide around three times. I'm starting to cut myself as well. I'm tempted to ask for help, but I have a feeling that if I ask for help, I'm going to be ridiculed for being "different". I've asked for help before, but my mother said I have no reason to be upset and that she will not allow me to be an "antisocial freak".
Lately, I've been hearing things that other people can't hear. I hear it and ask them if they heard it too, but they say no. It started a while back, one night I was home alone and trying to go to sleep. I heard a woman's muffled voice say "good night" but it didn't sound like my mother's. Another time, I was in a little bit of danger, when I heard another female voice say, "Get out alive!" Another time, I woke up, only to see a man staring down at me. I'm starting to see faces where they shouldn't be, and I'm seeing shadows pass behind the back door in my house. A few nights ago, I kept hearing someone call my name but no one replied or either said, "I didn't call for you." Several months ago, I heard a male scream from downstairs, but the only person down there was my mother. Also, I apparently scream in my sleep. And I have no idea why. Help?