I cannot handle school anymore?

So I'm 13, in year 9 and live in the uk, I understand that education is important but its been really getting to me. I have depression although its not medically diagnosed and I haven't gotten help for it, but I know I have it. My mum would be VERY upset if I went to a gp, to tell my doctor, and she would... show more So I'm 13, in year 9 and live in the uk, I understand that education is important but its been really getting to me. I have depression although its not medically diagnosed and I haven't gotten help for it, but I know I have it. My mum would be VERY upset if I went to a gp, to tell my doctor, and she would think I'm ungrateful(long story), so I'm really just building up courage to tell someone.

I started school today and hated it, I was so scared I was gonna have a break down today. I was so scared I was gonna cry, be centre of attention then have to explain why I was crying, I hate school so bad.

1. The "bad" students waste the other students time by misbehaving so we don't get the "full" lesson, and it annoys me, its REALLY selfish , it makes the teachers think we're all like that, cause they've had enough and also, they're humans too, and why bother going to a lesson if you're only going to be taught a little bit, and not even correctly.

2. Its frustrates me to know that I have to do the work and homework for subject I really don't care about, etc, geography, history, science .. , if there were any "useful" information, why don't they just teach us that.

3. I don't know what's wrong with me but sometimes I haven anxiety or anxiety like attacks when I think about how long school is and how I have no freedom, not in like selfish way but, I feel "closed" when I think about or realise that I cannot just escape from situations or just go out for my state of mind without a valid reason or my mum picking me up.

4. Its even harder to go through the day when you need to cry, but you can't because there's no where to hide or escape or anybody to help you or save you. Today in history, I literally had to close my eyes and put my jumper under my eyes(discreetly) to stop the tears or to prevent them. I literally had to lie to my self JUST to keep sane and not cry. I would tell my self "only 5 minutes then you're out of here, you can go home and sleep, you can go on a
Update: Bus journey, you can go help an old woman across the road, you can do anything you want without consequences". I LITERALLY had to keep telling myself that. Just to keep sane, just to prevent all the questions from when I break down or when people notice I'm crying. I don't get bullied or anything , I... show more Bus journey, you can go help an old woman across the road, you can do anything you want without consequences". I LITERALLY had to keep telling myself that. Just to keep sane, just to prevent all the questions from when I break down or when people notice I'm crying. I don't get bullied or anything , I have "friends", I say "friends" because they're part of my "keep sane project" they help me keep sane, but they don't know that. Its gonna be even worse in year 10 because my sisters joining the school, and I know how some stupid students can be .. Loud, selfish, vain, rude. And I don't want any of them to upset her, I don't even want any of them to LOOK at her a bad way, or talk about her. And I KNOW that its going to make me mad, just thinking about the fact that if anyone does talk about her I wouldn't know because its not like they're just going to announce to me that they talked about her. I don't know if this is j
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