Is this a good story?

I am in the middle of a really good story writing (or I think so). I just want to make sure if its ACTUALLY good. All opinions would help. Thanks.

This girl (Sophie) is dealing with her parents screaming in the middle of the night. She some nights goes to the park to clear her head. One night when the screaming was really bad she met this guy (Michael), he was one of those she felt safe around and could tell him anything. The following day her little sister disappears while her mom has a new 'friend' in the house and goes on vacation. Sophie is freaking out and Michael calms her down and tracks the little sister down because his dad is a cop. When the mom comes from vacation, she doesn't even seem to care that her little baby was gone and the dad does so when he meet her 'friend' he punches him. After about a week Sophie's parents get back together, but something doesn't feel right to her so she follows them on their nightly 'walks' which turns out to be a way for her mom to see her friend and the dad covering for them. The parents are 'back together' so they decide to go on vacation where Sophie meets a boy, she is really conflicted between the two boys because she really feels safe and likes michael but really likes the boy she met on vacation. When she comes back she confides in Michael and tells him about the boy from vacation and Michael asks what he should do about a 'friend' because he really like her but he doesn't know if she likes him back so Sophie tells him to make him self noticeable, so Michael kisses her and runs. They don't talk for three weeks and realize that they like each other and they live happily ever after.

Sorry, this might be hard to follow. I just would like to know if its too much, not enough, cliche, what? Anything will do. thanks :)

3 Answers

  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    So the parents aren't really together "together" anymore? I mean I'm just trying to understand that part... It sounds good but it seems to shift from a girl struggling with her parents fighting and then just stops talking about them completely and goes to a love story WHICH is okay!! I mean I think the story should go something like how you said and then something happens, during the time her and Micheal aren't talking, with her parents that brings them back together. Like she gets really mad and her parents are fighting right in front of her and then she gets mad and tries to break it up and her mom slaps her or something and she runs to park, because that is where she always goes and she is surprised because Micheal is there! He's shocked and he sees her crying and blah blah blah. Finally, when she gains enough courage to go back home she demands her parents either work out the problems or she is taking her sister and escaping to her grandparents, or aunt or something. They all resolve their issues and the mom breaks it off with her "friend" because it's screwing up her family and what not. Then you go from there!

    I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to tell you how to write it because that is mean but just some suggestions! Hope I helped :D

    Source(s): My mind.
  • 8 years ago

    I don't really get it. What ever happened to her sister? She was gone, and then, what?, Michael found her and brought her back to a family that didn't even notice she was gone? Michael and Sophie shouldn't being living happy ever after if that is what happened.

  • 8 years ago

    I'm sorry but that story makes no sense what so ever. And it might have been better if you didn't jump from them not talking to each other for weeks, to them living happily ever after. And where did micheal even come from? He just showed up in the plot from no where.

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