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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 7 years ago

my husband has got a 17 year old girl pregnant?

hi all , am 33 my husband of 9 years is 28 , this year as been an emotional rollercoaster for us both , in febuary 2012 i gave birth to our daughter after a sucessful cycle of ivf , we had been trying 8 years , anyway since then i got really ill and had life saving surgery. my husband lost his miltary carreer due to health reasons and things have been very tough , in october my husband and i sperated breifly for about 4 weeks and we was still having contact , in this time he met a 17 year old girl in a club , she said she was 21 at the time and they had a brief fling where he slept with her , he says they used protection she says she was on contreception etc i dont know what to believe , my husband was being treated for servere depression at the time , and he ended it as soon as he found out her age etc , since then me and him have been having marriage counciling and hes been on medication etc for his own health , but now out of the blue he has this girl saying shes pregnant and its his :( my husband is instantly saying its not his as this isnt the first time she has been pregnant and she was also in a relationship prior to sleeping with him :( . our daughter is 1 next month and things are going well at home , The girl is saying shes getting an abortion and i have seen some of her messages , shes not realising whats shes saying she is treating it as a joke this is a child and shes 17 and hes a married man with hes own family , she is saying she misses him etc and my husband is being very open with me letting me see all contact between them and i am being present when phonecalls are answered , am trying my best to support him in this matter but am not sure what to do :( is this anything to do with me ?? do i stay out of it please help

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  • 7 years ago
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    I think it is a very good sign that your husband is being open with you. What you should do for now is, indeed, nothing. After the baby is born, encourage your husband to get a DNA test with the baby to find out for sure if it is his or not. And seriously, he should do this even if HE is sure it's not his, so that the baby's mother can know for sure - it's hard enough to have a baby at 17 when you DO know who its father is, so encourage your husband take this test for her benefit.

    Poopy - Well, that all depends on the state. Sadly, here in GA, it is legal for an adult to have sex with a 17 year old.

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  • 7 years ago

    Yes, Joanne, it has something to do with you as it is an event in your FAMILY - and you are a family. Let's go by the numbers:

    1. Check the 'net: DNA testing is now available in some places BEFORE the child is born, and does no harm to the fetus. You might want to see if that is an option so you can remove any doubt. (I work in the child support/paternity business, and a guy's denial is always common; DNA testing removes all doubt.)

    2. If #1 isn't possible, wait for the birth to do the DNA testing. Either your husband or the girl can open a case with the state child support agency and get DNA testing for free or at very little cost.

    (Based on the result, a lot of things could happen, but no use worrying about those now.) Walgreen also sells a kit for about $30 (Then $150 for processing) if you don't want to use the state.

    3. Before, during and after the testing, try to get your house in order as best you can. Sounds like you have a lot of things to work through, but if nothing else, due it for the sake of your daughter. Give her the opportunity for a great life. Good luck.

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  • 7 years ago

    Well from a girl that has had an abortion I can give you a little bit of my insight. First off, for a 17 yr old that is unstable and still a child to try and bring a child into this world is very sad and disrespectful of motherhood. I think you need to support your husband. I also think your husband needs to make it clear that he is married, in love, and whether or not the child is his, he will never be with her. He needs to make it clear that he wants nothing to do with her because he is married and has a newborn. If she thinks she still has a chance with him she will keep the baby and will always be attached to him. It will be hell dealing with her, because she is young and her mind is not fully formed yet. She will go through all kinds of measures to get back at him and use the child as a weapon. So if he makes it clear that there is absolutely no chance for him and her whether or not she has the child she might use that little common sense to realize she is not ready to bring a child into this world and to this very destructive situation for both your child and hers.

    This is your family and your life and you just had a newborn. You have every right to have a voice in this situation.

    And maybe asking your husband if you could speak to her shortly could get the point across to her. Just basically in a very respectful manner let her know that she is only 17 and has the whole world ahead of her and she doesn't deserve to be in a messed up situation like this. And also if she does have the child her life would have to change completely and she would put that child through emotional torture when they get older simply by the circumstances of the father.

    An abortion can be a very emotional experience but if she is treating it like a joke, like you said, then it is probably best to let her know you all will support her through the abortion and if that happens you and your husband can end that very horrible chapter in your lives and continue to enjoy your beautiful newborn.

    One more thing, the outcome all depends on your husband and how much he is willing to prove to you that he wants to be the best possible dad and husband. :) and if he does that make sure to support him, as he too mentally has probably dealt with a handful. People make mistakes and we should not continue to punish them if they really prove to us that they are ready to become better people.

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  • 4 years ago

    All of these people trying to give their opinion on a 17 yr old's choice to get an abortion.... holy heck.... Your opinion doesn't matter here, you're not answering this woman's question. Look, your husband seems to be an honest man, you should know, he went through IVF with you and you have a beautiful baby girl now. If your husband ever needs your help with this, you should help him. You should just try to tell him that you understand and trust him, and stand with him in this mess of confusion. The girl is young and she's misguided.

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  • 7 years ago

    You separated for a month and during this time, your husband forgot he was married and got a 17 year old child pregnant?? This has everything to do with you since your husband is involved, How you solve your problem is up to you but I would have a hard time learning to trust him again, even if I wanted to stay married with him. I'm against abortion but this part of it is not your problem to solve. She could put the child up for adoption. And then she could disappear into the closest manhole. Or she could have him and you could look for an honest, decent man.

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  • 7 years ago

    She and he weren't viewing it as having an affair, they were viewing it as he was divorcing and they had a relationship. If he truly was wearing a condom, he wouldn't be worried about whether or not the baby was his, he would know that it was not! He isn't being straight about that fact. Also, I find it hard to believe that he had a relationship with a 17 yr. old and didn't wonder if he should see her ID first. A 17 yr. old looks young enough that a guy of his age, shouldn't take any chances. Now, this guy could be in legal trouble for having sex with a minor who may not admit that she lied about her age or that they met in a club.

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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    The thing is your husband says the pregnancy isn't his.If that's the case,then there's really little or not you both can do for her unless you want to be a life coach to this girl and try to advise her to find the real father and not get an abortion.but the problem is that she says its your husband's baby,which if you decide to be a "life coach to her" regardless of what you believe,you may have to support her through the pregnancy and maybe get a DNA test after its born. If your husband is back to you for good,it is wise to stand by him during this time atleast to help him make a good decision ..goodluck!

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  • 7 years ago

    This is something you should get direction on from your couples therapist. Whether the child is his or not will remain to be seen IF she has the child. You won't be able to change that but you need to decide if you can live with that. You have several months to work this out for yourself and stash some cash aside - just in case.

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  • 7 years ago

    dear Joanna say to your husband to say to this girl:at least and temporary custody to a family or relatives?(when everything is well you can keep him\her without abortion)or at least give the baby up for OPEN or close adoption(even in an other country if you want to)....cause adoption or custody so life is better than abortion...

    then there's also open adoption so you can follow your baby growing up :)

    love and life are sacrifices but they're better than abortion!

    so please the most important thing is:not abort,then I suggest keeping him\her and you see his\her “THANKS”in his\her smile because you didn’t abort him\her despite your difficulties!

    then adoption or custody is better than abortion that doesn't let the baby live and hurts you too.

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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    Depends on what state he is in - in some 16 or 17 is the legal age of consent - in others like Florida it's 18, so he could be charged with statutory rape

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