Would the following things my parents do be considered emotional abuse?
Because I've confronted them about this several times and they don't seem to think so. Before you think I'm fat, I should add I'm 5"6 and weigh around 139 pounds (healthy weight). I am 21 years old and live at home because I'm in college. Here's what they do.
-My dad gives me a disgusted face every time he sees me eating.
-My mom tells me she knows of good doctors who can do liposuction on my love handles (which are uneven because I have scoliosis, but I have never been bothered by them)
-My mom tells me if I don't go to the gym, she won't speak to me anymore.
-My mom tells me to get rid of certain articles of clothing (like sweaters) because they make me look "big"
-My dad will swear at me/give me grief if I bring home fast food or groceries of any kind
-My dad frequently insults my looks, my intelligence, and other critical parts of me
-I'm very self conscious about my skin (it's clear now) but if I get a pimple, my dad will be the first one to point it out and tell me it's because I eat junk food (which I only do rarely)
-If I'm wearing an outfit that isn't to my parent's taste, they will mock me for it (even though I always wear pretty conventional stuff)
-At family gatherings my mom will criticize me for not wearing makeup or dressing up
-My mom will tell me I look better with makeup and I should make my eyeliner thicker so "people can actually see it" (I usually do my makeup modestly unless I'm going out)
-If I make a mistake, it's the end of the world
-I get moderate grades (mostly B's) in school but my parents frequently criticize me for this and imply I won't get anywhere in life
-I told my mom I want to be a lawyer, and despite my gift for writing/reading comprehension/winning arguments, she has made it clear she doubts I can succeed in that field
-My parents clearly favor my brother over me, who has succumbed to their ridiculous demands (he's practically anorexic and gets mostly A's in school)
-My parents will yell at me for hours because I "always eat food outside the house." Meaning I go to restaurants a lot, or order takeout and eat it in my room. But I do that mostly because I don't want to deal with their behavior
-When I cry or get hysterical about their constant criticizing of me (which happens rarely but sometimes I just can't take it anymore) my parents will deny they're doing anything wrong and say I'm the one with problems
The bottom line is my parents are obsessed with me being perfect. They want me to look like an A list actress, get straight A's, and just generally be something I can't (and won't) be. I like food and I like being healthy, not sickly thin. I am not an academic prodigy and I never will be. I am currently seeing a therapist and have only told her a fraction of these things. I would like to be more honest with her but I feel my parents will deny these things and I really doubt they will change. Am I in the wrong here or are my parents? I'm mostly a good kid, I don't do drugs, don't drink often. I have a job and I try to be nice to everyone. I don't know what I should do. Any advice would be appreciated.
- Anonymous8 years agoFavorite Answer
I am sorry that your parents treat you this way. You are in no way overweight or fat; you are a healthy weight and it sounds to me that your eating is pretty much normal.
What you're parents are doing is emotional abuse - they want you to conform to their standards of what a perfect daughter should be. They are trying to emotionally manipulate you into conforming, which is what your poor brother is doing.
Your therapist might not tell you this; they might not be allowed to give you an opinion, but I am sure that they would agree with us both.
I think you do need to move out, but not before you explain exactly why to your parents. They need to know that you see through their manipulative behaviour. While that is hard to do, I truly believe that you are up to the job. The thing is it is difficult to get through college without a good job and it must help your finances being able to stay at home.
Work things out to see if you can afford to leave home. In the meantime just say to your parents that they are entitled to their opinion but you don't share it.
If your parents pay for your therapy, then make sure you can continue some form of therapy through your college. You are going to continue to need that for a while.
Make sure you have everything in place before you tell your parents you are going. Give them a date that you are going to leave by, and then stick to this. They will tell you that you cannot possibly do it, but you can, and you know that you can.
Talk to your therapist about what you are feeling. You will have to talk about all the things they have done, your parents, and this is why I think you need to make sure you keep up the therapy.
It is going to take some time to think this through. Stick to what you believe and keep away from your parents as much as you can. If they ask you why, say you feel that they are really negative about you and you don't want to be around when they start that.
At the end of the day, your Mom and Dad are expecting you to look after them in their old age. So they ought to watch how they treat you now!
Best wishes in all that you do.
- IlkayLv 58 years ago
Ur definetely right and NO ur parents aren't. The thing they are doing is defnetely not normal. U should tell ur therapist all of these not just a fraction! Pls.. U dont deserve anybif these and they don't have the right to do these. Cmon ur a woman and they should treat like u r one, they can't butt into ur business at that age!
Some parent are weird like my parents. They want me to be a lawyer or a doctor even though they know its not gonna happen. But ur parents are just doing TOO MUCH! And this ain't right. Why the hell would someone do these to their child.
İ see that they hate u bcoz no parent will try to call their child ugly, fat, tell that u need an operation etc. İ dont wanna upset u or anything but its true :( i think its best to move houses.
- Anonymous7 years ago
hey! yes, similar thing is happening with my parents. I am going to college too and live with my parents. best advice for you is: whether agree with anything they say or....move out. sorry. A lot of kids have similar problems and these two choices seem to work most of the time.
my fam has been mentally abusing me to the point that I can't leave my room without my heart racing like crazy...and everytime I tell them that they are in absolute denial. I love my family, but we are just too different to live together. so if you don't want same thing happening to you, find another place to live.
oh, and dont go to therapists. there are a ton of documentaries on youtube why they are a waste of money and time. they haven't healed a single person yet.
hope that helped a little.
- JoeLv 68 years ago
Sort of yeah. Try talking to a trusted teacher or guidance counselor about how to deal with it.
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- 8 years ago
Ya know, if you have another place to stay, I think that you should tell them that you will go SOMEWHERE and not come back until they apologize!
- 8 years ago
Then, you can take care of yourself and not have to worry about what they say or think.