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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 7 years ago

My wife cheated on me! What to do?

Just found out my wife cheated on me with a fellow police officer. We are in the middle of buying a house. My wife had apologized and groveled for me not to leave her. I still love her and we both want to try and fix things. I decided to not buy the home and to wait until things are back to normal. She is begging me to continue on with the sell because she thinks the house will help "mend" things.

What is y'all's opinions?

If anyone throws any curse words or insults, I WILL report you!

20 Answers

  • TMan
    Lv 6
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Don't buy the house. In fact the best thing to do is take some time apart from your wife. Two or three weeks with no to limited contact depending on your situation. If you don't have kids no contact. This time is very important for several reason. Mainly so you don't do or say stuff that will cause setbacks and being apart for this short period will give you a better idea if you can truely move forward with your marriage.

    How you found out about the affair is very important. If she told you then it shows that she has guilt and its less likely that she will repeat the actions. Also if it was actually an affair. Having sex with someone else once or twice isn't an affair, she was unfaithful but didn't have an affair. There could have been an affair without sex. The difference is the level of emotions involved. If she truely had an affair recovery is far more difficult and women normally go back and forth in this situation. Its best for a man to walk away in this case. She will not do the things that will promote the healing process if she was emotionally involved.

    At the end of the day, she did what she felt was best for her in allowing herself to be with another man without though of your feelings, now you must do what's best for you without thoughts of her feelings. If you truely want to work it out then take some time for yourself to sort out your feelings and plan on how to go forward. Give her a detailed list of things that you will and won't be comfortable with. If she agrees then it shows she is truely interested in moving forward with the marriage. If she puts up a fight on any of the issues, you have to walk away.

    Good luck

    Source(s): Marriage & family therapist
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  • 7 years ago

    I think it is difficult situation.

    IT is a matter of trust... and once trust is broken it is difficult to build it again.

    And a man/woman who breaks the trust can break it again.. You don;t know how long she was doing all this. Once you cheat someone and start enjoying it..then it is very difficult to come back.

    She just got afraid of insult in society nothing else... that's why she wants to fix things. but who knows again it will not happen.

    ** Main issue in these conditions is that even your wife will not cheat again..that fellow police officer will try to get mingle with he already did. And may be after 6 month or 1 year she will lost her way again.

    --> So just wait for some time before taking big decision. Also do not talk about these thing with her.. and let he think that you forgot everthing. After some time 6 months observe closely whether she is doing it again...

    This is most unfortunate and complex situation.

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  • Mack T
    Lv 4
    7 years ago

    See just how much your wife wants to try and fix things. Ask her to go to counseling because you need some answers as to why she cheated. She needs to prove that she is really serious about the marriage itself. Why does she think a house will help "mend" things? A house didn't cheat, it was her. You deserve better and need to know for sure she will not do this again. Don't make it too easy and let her know it will take a long time for you to trust her again.

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  • 7 years ago

    WAIT on buying the home. Let things between you two resolve itself out first. Give it a couple of months or a year. You were right to think of waiting, stand your ground on that part.

    She said she wants to mend things ? Good, let her mend them. Let her show you that she still finds you attractive and that she still cares for you and loves you. She messed up big time by sleeping with someone you work with, she fell a long way from the top.

    It says a lot about you and your character, that you refrained from calling her any names and that you still want to continue with the marriage. You seem like a good man. Personally, she doesn't deserve you, I hope she knows that.

    I'm not sure who have Uncle Carl thumbs down. He had some good point to make himself.

    You certainly have a lot of things on your mind at the moment. Just take things one day at a time, your job is stressful enough as is.

    Another thing we don't know... your age and her age. That might actually help out more than you think. Is she much younger than you ? Are you both young ? She might have committed a really stupid mistake, she might have been a bit tipsy ? We don't have too much details here. What is she like with you MOST of the time ? Is she sweet ? Caring ? Patient ? Understanding ? Supportive ? You can forgive ONE indiscretion...but anything more than that you should divorce.

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  • 7 years ago

    Sophia from the Golden Girls said: "Be glad he got it out of his system this early. Some women go through 4-5 years of marriage before they get ammo like that." Of course she was talking to the woman, but I think it still fits.


    Step back.

    Have a beer.


    Think about this. Why did you marry her? What good qualities does she bring to the table? Are you two a team? Do you work well together? The baby and bath water quote might apply here. Just because she cheated doesn't mean you have to break up. Be glad that you have a wife that is attractive enough that others would want her. Part of being a man is building enough value in yourself to make a woman want to be with you. It's just society. Many women leave men for others who are doing better. At least in movies. If she's that guilty about it, she might not do it again. Here's what it boils down to for me.

    1. Okay your pride was hurt. That's a big major part of the problem. She's got to make you feel like a man again.

    2. Were there other things going wrong before this happened. Are other straws on this camel? If not, I'd see this through. If so, consider who you've married.

    I think that picking a mate is like picking a business partner. Are we growing in the same direction? Do our visions for the future match? Do we compliment each others strengths?

    Also, I have friends that are jerks. But other than that, they are good friends. The contribute to my life in healthy ways. Do I tell them things about myself that they could use against me? No. But that doesn't stop me from associating with them. I just have to know my limits with that person. I think the same applies here. You don't leave your wife at home with another man. Ever. You don't just brush it off when she comes home late unreasonably. I've cheated, and my partner questions me about stuff. I don't mind the questioning because it's plausible I could cheat again. (I won't). But I still don't mind calling when I leave work. It's just respectful. We can't expect everyone to be perfect all the time. It's just part of being human.

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  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.


    My wife cheated on me! What to do?

    Just found out my wife cheated on me with a fellow police officer. We are in the middle of buying a house. My wife had apologized and groveled for me not to leave her. I still love her and we both want to try and fix things. I decided to not buy the home and to wait until things are back to normal....

    Source(s): wife cheated do:
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  • 6 years ago

    Well to answer this as "nicely" as possible. Leave her!! No matter what she says or how you twist it, she ****** another guy. Plain and simple. And i know u didn't want to hear curse words but it's the only way to get the message across. She ****** another man! She has zero respect for you and clearly doesn't care because if she did, she would have never hurt you like that. Think about it, she had the choice of saying yes and possibly ruining your marraige, destroying your trust, ruining every thing you guys built together and she was so selfish that instead of saying No and saying I'm married and I don't want to ruin my marriage or hurt him, she neglected all that and said yes. This is something you can never take back. This is something that you can never apologize for. And this is something you can never forgive someone for. You would be making a huge mistake by taking her back. Find someone who will appreciate you, care about you, and somebody you can trust. She is garbage.

    Source(s): Not an expect on relationships but how I would handle it.
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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    Statistically a woman who has an affair is 80% likely to cheat again and again with the same person or a new one. .They get addicted to the rush even if they want to stop they can't.So if you are okay with her cheating again go ahead and stay with her if you are not okay with her cheating then leave.The house won't make any difference except to give her half of it money if she divorces you and leaves you for another guy.I have seen this happen many times.

    You deserve better!

    Best of Luck to you!~

    Source(s): I am a woman who is a Success relationship Advisor
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  • 7 years ago

    I am very sorry this happened to you. If you still love her, and you say that you do maybe this would be a good time to look into some marriage counseling. I would put the purchase of a home on the back burner indefinitely Buying a home will not mend anything. This is a tough time of year to have something this tragic happen to you. I am curious how old are you both, and how long have you been married?

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  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

    Lawyer up now and don't tell her ITS OVER. sucks I know I had 24yrs one girl. Girls that cheat will cheat again. N the trust is gone. Don't listen to the Yahoo's of work it out b.s. all it will do is tear u up more. But most important is don't let her know until you talk to a good lawyer. You need to file first because she will start with he's abusive and a restraining order

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