Update: second marriage to a conman?
I am remarried to an American after chatting for many years online then finally meeting. Unfortunately for me i found out after the even that he had cheated on his first wife for years and years different women.
Then i checked his computer and found he had been searching Craigslist for a woman in our area and we have only been married less than a year.
Not a great start but he defended himself saying it was morbid fascination to see if the online cheating and dating scene was still out there. Poor excuse as he was an expert at manipulation and lies, but i feel for it all.
But however i sacrificed my family, career, friends and financial security and freedom to move to USA to be with him, but did leave him for a short while when i found out about the Craigslist searching given his past infidelities with his first wife. Funnily enough she never found out as like i said he is a master at conning people and is a regular church goer and Christian and his friends don't know the other side ot him.
I came back to try again and even though i gave him when we first married $100.000, paid off his credit cards twice $8,000 and $20,000, paid the deposit on our home $23,000 bought all the flooring $16,000, furniture $7,000 and i asked him could i get my hair done as i didnt have money of my own now and he said no as we are in debt. Luckily for me i kept some back in Australia that he knew about and he asked me for that which is $35,000 to clear the debts once again, but i refused and now he says he will give me monthly bills for shared running of the home, like mortgage and utilities.
He has assests with IBM around $200.000 of stock, a 401k and from my snooping in his file draws a seperate bank account in his name only with around $35,000 which is left from my money i transfered from Australia.
I am not on the house deeds as i signed it over to him when i left the first time over the Craigslist incident and i asked him to put me back on there if we are trying again and he said he is safe guarding his own security. Im also not on his IBM stocks even though he is buying them moreso after we have gotten married, but his arguement is that he acquired the bulk of them in his previous marriage, yet i acquired my money in my previous marriage too yet handed it over because i was in love and trust him.
I feel i am in a dangerous situation, should anything happen to him. We have wills stating eachother as beneficiary, but i think it's safe to say if he did die before me his two children can step in and contest any wills and cause me grief. It was a messy divorce and their mother is very bitter and cleaned him out in a divorce but he got to keep what he got.
It's a very sad situation but im thinking if he truly loved me then wouldnt he be making sure i would be financially secure should anything happen to him? I feel as though i should cut my losses now and return back to Australia where i am safe and everything is familiar around me. Right now im in a dangerous situation as i know no one, have no friends or car or job and no money. Im totally dependent on him and he tells me this drastic move i made to be with him is no big deal. Im sad and unhappy in USA and feel very isolated. His life hasnt changed. Am i right in thinking the way i am and is he being selfish and uncaring.
UPDATE: I have wrote and told him i am not returning to USA to him and he didnt respond. But one week later he wrote to say he is in Orlando at a Barbarshop singing convention. He is one of the contest administrator judges, and his email was 4 line saying that it's gorgeous and the hotel is and i would be in heaven shopping there and that he misses me and hopes i am ok. But i went everywhere on these judging things and never left the hotel as i had no money.
I feel he is trying to make me second guess my decision to remain in Australia by saying stuff like this. It's hard not to wonder where i am better off because i still love him, yet i know in my gut he is not the good guy type. His friends have no idea what or who the real person he is and neither does his first wife, yet he has told everyone i have issues hence my returning to Australia and they have believed him. I would like to know your opinion here. Thanks for reading and sorry about the length of it. Do i go back or stay and is he trying to manipulate me. He probably knows im a weak person.
- Anonymous8 years agoFavorite Answer
Love is often not enough. I do not think you should go back to him. You already have a picture of what is in store for you being married to him. You do owe it to yourself to file for divorce in America, and to stand up for half of your combined assets. Feeling safe is paramount to a good life, and you have said it yourself, that you now are where you feel safe. You may be able to file for divorce with a Lawyer in America, and not return physically. A good, healthy marriage, begins with respect, followed by both people feeling a great amount of trust for one another, followed by mutual love. My current wife and I had a hard time trusting each other to start with, for we had both been hurt and divorced in our pasts. We both got into counseling to overcome our fears, after we divorced, and we are now re married, and very happy feeling safe with one another. That scenario may be possible for you, but it sounds like you genuinely do not, or cannot trust him to make you feel safe in America? Get into some counseling with a good Psychologist in Australia to get a handle on looking forward, and living life to the fullest. Pray to God and he will give you the discernment you need on this.Source(s): Common sense and the realization that love can often not be enough.
- 4 years ago
it truly is apparent that on your way of life the mummy and father elect the husband for his or her daughter. prepared marriages do not consistently artwork. Your mom and father must keep up a correspondence about your emotions and your emotional nicely-being. communicate including your mom and father and exhibit your difficulty about a 2d marriage and how this time-honored marriage has affected you. i'm hoping they understand and could help you make a call which will influence some thing of your life.
- Anonymous8 years ago
Cut your losses and return or stay in Australia. Be careful who you fall for next time.You fell for an alpha male .One who cheats on every woman he meets.Go for the nice shy guys who have not been in many relationships they will treat you well.Source(s): I help women with their alpha addictions Side note: I am a woman and married
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- Anonymous8 years ago
If you do not think he is a good guy, which is what you said, then you need to leave him.
Change your will immediately, divorce him. Move back to Australia and find someone who cares enough about you to think about your future too.