Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 years ago

Regaining husband's devotion?

My husband really was devoted to me though I always had a paranoia that he wasn't. It was weird because I know now that all those years I accused him of wanting to cheat and flirting with other girls, I was the one who wanted to cheat. He finally caught me when I was letting my work friend chase me and I lied to him. Now he's found out about that and all the other times and I know he just doesn't trust me anymore. It's been over a year and he says he trusts me and forgives me, but every time I go out with the girls he gets this look. I know he's just not as devoted to me now like he was before. He doesn't do all the little things to care for me that he used to do. I want him to care again and to be completely devoted. He says he loves me but he's done working so hard for nothing because I just stepped out anyway he says, but I never cheated I just thought about it a lot. I want him to work to take care of me again because I know I can change. How do I get him back to how he was, instead of focusing on xbox and fantasy football and ignoring me? What do I have to do?

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You said it, YOU KNOW YOU CAN CHANGE. but sweetie, that means you have not changed yet.

    You have to change for something to be different. You want him on the edge while you hedge your bet. Sorry, does not work that way.

    You commit, you are in the relationship 110% and then let it be, take your strips and let what will be will be, if your husband loves you the way you said, then .... AND ONLY THEN will he vest in you his trust.

    YOU WERE GIVEN TRUST ONCE, NOW YOU HAVE TO EARN IT. It is easier to keep it then earn it, but too late for that now. You now must commit, and risk loosing everything,

    If you want the world, then you need to take a RISK and go for broke. If he loves you, the risk is not high, but you better let him know in every way you can, HE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR WORLD!!!!

    Sex and infatuation is harmonal responses and immediate gradification. That is immature and children do this.

    LOVE IS A DECISION! Not a feeling. You don't always feel warm fuzzies about your children, but you don't go get other children to get an emotional high... GET IT?

  • 8 years ago

    Quit going out with the girls. Do lunch dates with a friend now and then and just stop having Girls Nights Out.

    How devoted he is to you is not the issue and you know it. The point is that you proved to him you were not devoted to him and have done nothing to repair it except you say you've quit wishing you were cheating.

    Start making things about him instead of about you. Massage his feet while he's watching TV. Buy tickets to a sporting game for the two of you to attend together. Search for a concert by a band you know HE loves and get tickets for the two of you. Invite HIS friends over for dinner/movie.

    You are talking years of wanting to cheat on him and getting into inappropriate flirtations. You have a lot of adoring to do before he's likely to round the corner to devotion again. You have to GIVE in order to get back. Replenish the soil... or the harvest gets smaller every year.

  • kim
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    If ya all are still in your marriage bed then that is a predictor that he still cares for you. I would think that you both should be going to church and I like the catholic church. They have a weekend encounter for married people from any church that focuses on communication and re-bonding. Honey if you don't appreciate your man then some other woman will. Marriage is a sacrament and the family is holy. Pray! I like Mother Theresa of Calcutta's healing prayer called "Jesus My all in all" found online. Check out Matt Maher's song on you tube called "Remembrance"

  • 8 years ago

    Poor guy.

    If you want this relationship to work, you need to put some effort in to it. You are a cheater, he has every right to be nervous and untrusting when you go out with your "girls". So stop. Stay home, be a wife and a partner and work on your marriage.

    If you aren't willing to put forth the effort, let him go and give him a chance to be with someone who will equal his devotion.

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  • 8 years ago

    "Pick This" is correct. Honestly your once chance at getting this right is being everything he was to you. He is going to have every right to "double check" and question your answers. Understand that, and accept it. It isn't something you fix quickly, you are going to look at years. Honestly, there is no easy way, and being very forth coming, and open about everything is key.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Really? You thought about cheating, and if you didn't get caught you probably would've done it, and now you feel like the victim? I would be feeling the exact same way as well, only I would've left you so you can go with that other moron. He's not looking to waste his time with a hypocrite and a paranoid accuser with something to hide (as this happened more than once) you've exhausted him, and don't be surprised if sooner or later it ends because you're too immature to be in a relationship and aren't able to keep it in your pants

  • 8 years ago

    You have an inflated sense of self-worth. Rather than waiting for him to show devotion to you, YOU should be showing devotion to HIM. You seem to believe you deserve to be given everything without you having to give anything. That's messed up.

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