Please help, I love her so much?
I've been dating this girl for 6 months as of tomorrow. Literally until last night, I thought everything was great. It was less than 24 hours ago that she was laughing at my jokes and my just genuine fool making of myself. Last night though, we had sex. It wasn't the first time. We had sex for the first time 3 months ago. We did the night before too, and she enjoyed it as normally. This time though, she told me it just felt wrong, and confessed to me that she hasn't been happy for a while. It just hurts to hear that. She's told me that with me, sex just feels right. I told her that I didn't want to have sex for a while last night after all this came up, and she seemed a little distant about that too. I don't want her for sex. That's not important to me. Before our first time, when she told me she was ready, I wasn't sure I was. It's just, I remember her telling me that she loves me so much, and that she wants it. In fact, when she told me she was ready, I went through a week of her pushing for it before I finally very gladly gave in. Sure, I like it, but I never pushed for it. It was her idea. Now I'm feeling that if this all comes crashing down and I lose her, that it's my fault. I've been there once before, and I NEVER want to feel the same amount of regret that I've felt before. I don't want to have another "one that got away". When I'm with her, everything feels natural. There is no second thought about what to do or say. It all just flows naturally. Even last night she says she still feels that way too. She says she still loves me, and that she doesn't want to lose me either. Just, if those things are true, then I don't see what the problem is.
It's just how sudden this is that shocks me. For example:
Monday, November 12th, 12:22 AM: "hello sweetheart, i was just wondering if you wanted to talk for a tiny bit :)"
Saturday, November 10th, 12:58 AM: "i just wanted to say that i love you and i hope you have fun with zack and that you sleep well :) goodnight sweetheart <3"
I don't get it. That was less than a week ago. I'm just baffled. All I know is that I love her more than life itself and I can't bare to lose her. We do see each other virtually every day, and I know some space would do us some good, but I'm her only ride to work for the next 10 days because her family is going out of town, and even when they're in town, for diplomatic reasons with her mom I volunteer to take her to work and pick her up most days because her mom has to get up really early every morning and a lot of times its close to midnight when my girlfriend gets off.
Tomorrow is our 6 month. I just want to do something, say something, and give her something that basically just wows her and makes her decide she can't live without me. We have plans to spend the whole day together. My current plans are since we have a zoo membership, take her to the zoo, rent a movie of her choosing, take her to dinner, and go roller skating. She's tried to get me to go roller skating several times, but I'll be honest, I usually say no because I don't feel like busting my ***. I'm actually going to recommend it tomorrow. Also, there will be no sex whatsoever. I'm also going to get her the second "Fifty Shades of Grey" book(her request), and 6 roses, one for each month we've been together, and each rose a different color. I'f you can think of any other ideas to throw my way, that would be great. I want to make an impression and show her that I love her in a way that she absolutely cannot ignore.
- 8 years ago
First off, how old are you?
Don't bog her down with conversations about your feelings. Simply love her and give her the space she needs to become comfortable. Many things can cause a person to feel certain things. It could have been something completely unrelated to your relationship that caused her to feel that way. Don't panic, Just see what happens.
The truth is It never works until it does and if it's meant to be it will be. I'm not trying to say this isn't that relationship, I know nothing about it. I'm saying that if it ends up being one of those that didn't work, realize that there is a lesson in every relationship you have in your life. That is how we learn what works for us and what doesn't. The trick is acknowledging the lessons and applying them to your life. Losing something is always painful, but finding that person that makes all others seem less important is wonderful and totally worth it.
Now, Gifts. Zoo is an excellent idea. If roller skating is something you know she would like to do, just take her. Don't tell her where your going. She will love it. Roses are sweet and the book, if that's what she wants, is good too. I will caution you doon't over due it. She just told something felt wrong, the quickest way to lose her is to hold on too tightly. Losen up a little and give her room to breath.And I wouldn't take sex off the table. But, I wouldn't expect it either. Just see where the evening takes you. Don't get caught up on impressing her just and worrying what you should and shouldn't do, just be you and have a good time.
The best gift a boyfriend has even given me was a homemade card. I know it sounds cheesy but it was so sweet and I knew he took time to make it. It wasn't anything spectacular but I still have it even though the relationship has ended. There is something to be said about that old saying "it's the thought that counts"
- Newman DanielsLv 48 years ago
That date actually sounds good. Don't get her roses though, get her a bunch of balloons in her favorite color.
And DONT set out with that mentality- that you want to wow her and show her you love her. If you come on really strong after she's been acting distant, you'll come across as clingy and worried, which will push her away further.
Just act natural, do stuff she thinks is cute, and treat her like a best friend.