How do I find what I'm hiding from myself?

It's like I can't remember my past. Even when I was young, I was puzzled because it felt like "one day I just woke up, and I knew how to read, write, speak" and I was curious as to how I even knew all of it. I have little to no recollection of being 8 or younger and hardly anything even 8 and up. Sometimes I'll remember things if people are like "do you remember this" but I can't pinpoint any memories on my own it feels like. A majority of the time I don't know what they're talking about. This is infuriating that prospect that I could possibly be trying to hide something from my self. How dare I? I need those memories especially because I have to write a memoir for school and I have nothing to write about. I asked my mom but she got angry for lord knows what reason. I think she wanted me to lie on my memoir.

Some things I can remember being young, like thinking how strange it was I knew all of these things, but a majority of it feels like a blur that's just outside of my viewing range taunting me.

How do I recover my memories. I know I'm hiding something from myself, but I'm not ENTIRELY sure what. Any ideas at all? Wanna just throw some out there?

p.s I don't believe in letting the past rest until I know what it is, so I wouldn't suggest that to myself.

Update:

kaljodsilkjf a klj kljdsaf thoughts lkjiolkjsdfioduskf memories lksjdfoijlk present.......No architect, just no. Allow me to explain that to my teacher. She'll love it. Much more than a memoir. How is that going to help me recover my memories. There's something about that theory I don't agree with.

Update 2:

Christ, then I might as well die already. I might as well not do anything, because I've already done it. I've already lived my life. Now please, tell me how I can write my memoir.

4 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You are not really hiding from self. In fact, it's quite the opposite. You are revealing yourself to you. Like how a dream is revealed to you, it is only your mind, that is reality. Reality exists only as a thought.

    There is no actual past, no future to come. There is only the present. All is one, all is self. Experiences and memories are a thought. You have infinite thoughts, yet you can only perceive one at once. That is the present. In reality, all thoughts conceivable occur in the present. Memories are a thought about one's self just as any other experience is, but there's a misconception; memories are not stored in the mind. Memories occur just as any other experience (a memory is an experience), as one thought. That is why a memory is never exactly what the experience was, they are a different thought entirely.

    Perhaps you are confused by the notion that one can only have one thought at any given moment. A thought is infinitely quick. All thoughts exist within self before conceived of. Perhaps you can write a memoir on this very knowledge. This is a part of your life, it is you.

    The meaning of life is to realize self. This is a never ending pursuit. Your death is not the end of your journey. Your journey is self.

    "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." - Albert Einstein

    "The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once." - Albert Einstein

  • 8 years ago

    Perhaps you experienced some sort of trauma when you were a child. But that aside, why not get out your family photos and try to develop some type of timeline from that. Surely your mom has baby and childhood pictures of you. If, however, you main concern is regaining a clear memory of your past, you'll have to work with a psychiatrist to do so.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    8 years ago

    Neuroscience - Hippocampus is the part of the brain that deals with memory which part of a bigger system medial temporal lobe which is responsible declarative memory - declarative memory are facts and events such as your past. At the age of two the hippocampus starts to develop and around the age of eight its ready for optimize memory.

    There is a science to your dilemma, and there could be many reasons why you don't 'have' a past.

    I do recommend letting it go, or sooner or later your past will be consisting of a search for a past... and what kind of past is that to rememeber

  • 8 years ago

    I can sympathize with your frustration. I remember being asked to write a memoir in 7th grade; I turned to my teacher, threw up my arms and said, "A memoir, seriously? I'm in 7th grade?! I hardly have anything to look back on!"

    The truth is, human beings generally don't start registering memories until at least five or six; even then, the memories you retain are sketchy at best. You might be able to recall a few bits and pieces of your early childhood but, for the most part, no one remembers what it was like when they first learned to read or write.

    As for the idea that you are "hiding memories from yourself", that is certainly a possibility. If you went through something psychologically traumatic when you were five, for example, you may actively "block out" that memory. However, when this type of active forgetting occurs, most people still retain the affect or feeling that resulted from the trauma without being able to remember the idea or event that caused it. This is generally manifested as intense and unexplained anxiety.

    But unless something terrible happened to you as a child, it is more likely that you are just a normal human being with a normally functioning brain. Good luck on that memoir!

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