My life is falling apart and i want to kill myself? Need help?
I've been through so much, i dont even know where to begin. For the past 4 years, i've been suffering from severe depression. My mom suffers from severe depression and bi polar disorder, which she takes zoloft for and my dad has dissociative personality disorder and is bi polar but he doesnt take anything, plus he smokes cigarettes alot. He's nice to me for like five seconds and then hates me and my mom is the same way he is, she's nice and then gets mad at me over nothing. I'm 22 years old. I've been through so much in my life that i literally just want to kill myself. I smoke cigerettes too, i was basically pushed to do it by the people that i work with and my parents that i regret ever doing to this day. i socially smoke but it helps relive my depression. I was precribed zoloft last may which helped at first but as time went on, i srated not aring anymore about my life, i felt careless and if i stop the zoloft now i'll be done for. I'm failing in college now, doing terrible in my statistics class, i feel weaker everyday and i cough alot non stop and the left side my chest hurts so i feel like i'm dying everyday. My parents never seem to care about my health or anything, they think im some stupid nut job with no life. My brother who wish cared for me doesn't, he think's that im some loser who doesnt do anything besides complain about my life and that i don't go out. I feel shaky most days which is very wierd. My parents don't want to take to the doctor because they think im perfectly healthy when i'm really not. I've been so confused and dizzy laetly too like, im for forgetting things and unable to focus anymore on anything. I've tried so many things help me with the way i am like herbal teas but they dont help. I excercise too but that doesnt seem to help. I have no friends or nothing. Im 22 and im going no where with my life. I never had a girlfriend before or a relationship. My parents and the rest of my family dont talk to me or even wanna hangout or see how im doing in school or anything. I smoke too much everyday, grieving over my life and the way i am. My job isnt good either since they made me like this. I work at a resturant as a busboy and they want me to quit or fire me, they say it to my face all the time. My major is sociology and people think its a joke of a major and a real stupid one which its not. I want to work in social services and help people like me but nobody seems to appreciate that.I just dont care about my life at this point and would rather be dead. I look terrible too. I can't get off of zoloft and i dont even know if its been helping me. What do i do i need adivce from anyone out there. Please!
- 8 years ago
You may find this answer insufficient due to it being short, but as someone who has wanted to disappear from the life I have, change it, and change who I was... It's worth a thought.
Something as simple as this phrase got me thinking:
"Change can be a questionable. In the wrong hands it can destroy anything in it's path, while in the right hands it can do the exact same. When that type of change occurs, better by your hands then the hands of another."
When I was told this, I caught a grip on my life. I didn't want everything to be for everyone else anymore. Everyone has thoughts about how they would like to just leave it all. They want to leave and pursue a better life, but things chain them down. They feel they can't leave because of bills, or because of their girlfriend, or family. They feel like everything and everyone drains them, and can't muster up the courage to take control of their life and their decisions.
I couldn't stand that anymore.
So what did I do? I took all the willpower I had and made the decision to just leave. I left it all. Left my girlfriend, left my family, left my job, my school, and left my ridiculous bills. I canceled my phone, bought a laptop, bicycle, supplies, and a backpack and I just left.
In this I found out I was better outside of society than within it. I learned what it was like to grow my own food over a year or so. Eventually I had a better lifestyle, more energy, and more willpower to do the things I loved. I only used the laptop when I needed it and was in an area with wi-fi, and I felt pretty free.
The point is changing things for yourself is the only real way to "help" your problem. Make decisions that you find hard to make. You'll get through it, and if you can't find a way to, there are other people not knowing what to do just like you are.
Another quote that helped...
"Feeling suicidal? Good. The world is now your oyster. Do whatever you want before it's over whether it be dangerous or safe, unconventional or plain. If you're going up against 100% death rate, you might as well do what you want. Maybe, just maybe... You'll find something worth living for."Source(s): Experience
- Anonymous8 years ago
I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I know how it feel it sucks right. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuCkPokBp2I
I wish this video can makes you feel better. When I was struggling I watched this video it makes me feel better.
But dude I think you should at least talk to someone you will gets better. Maybe you can tell them
http://www.befrienders.org/ your problem they'll help you. And remember you're not a loser there's no such kind of thing in the world. Good luck :)
- 8 years ago
Dont mess around call 911 tell them the situation they will send help. Or get to the mental health clinic or look up NAMI just dont put it off. Ge away from home for a bit go to the hospital even if they aadmitt you it will be the best thing to get tools to cope. Hope this helps. I have been there life isnt so bad when you learn some of these skills.