newly married, what do you think?

I am remarried to an American after chatting for many years online then finally meeting. Unfortunately for me i found out after the even that he had cheated on his first wife for years and years different women.

Then i checked his computer and found he had been searching Craigslist for a woman in our area and we have only been married less than a year.

Not a great start but he defended himself saying it was morbid fascination to see if the online cheating and dating scene was still out there. Poor excuse as he was an expert at manipulation and lies, but i feel for it all.

But however i sacrificed my family, career, friends and financial security and freedom to move to USA to be with him, but did leave him for a short while when i found out about the Craigslist searching given his past infidelities with his first wife. Funnily enough she never found out as like i said he is a master at conning people and is a regular church goer and Christian and his friends don't know the other side ot him.

I came back to try again and even though i gave him when we first married $100.000, paid off his credit cards twice $8,000 and $20,000, paid the deposit on our home $23,000 bought all the flooring $16,000, furniture $7,000 and i asked him could i get my hair done as i didnt have money of my own now and he said no as we are in debt. Luckily for me i kept some back in Australia that he knew about and he asked me for that which is $35,000 to clear the debts once again, but i refused and now he says he will give me monthly bills for shared running of the home, like mortgage and utilities.

He has assests with IBM around $200.000 of stock, a 401k and from my snooping in his file draws a seperate bank account in his name only with around $35,000 which is left from my money i transfered from Australia.

I am not on the house deeds as i signed it over to him when i left the first time over the Craigslist incident and i asked him to put me back on there if we are trying again and he said he is safe guarding his own security. Im also not on his IBM stocks even though he is buying them moreso after we have gotten married, but his arguement is that he acquired the bulk of them in his previous marriage, yet i acquired my money in my previous marriage too yet handed it over because i was in love and trust him.

I feel i am in a dangerous situation, should anything happen to him. We have wills stating eachother as beneficiary, but i think it's safe to say if he did die before me his two children can step in and contest any wills and cause me grief. It was a messy divorce and their mother is very bitter and cleaned him out in a divorce but he got to keep what he got.

It's a very sad situation but im thinking if he truly loved me then wouldnt he be making sure i would be financially secure should anything happen to him? I feel as though i should cut my losses now and return back to Australia where i am safe and everything is familiar around me. Right now im in a dangerous situation as i know no one, have no friends or car or job and no money. Im totally dependent on him and he tells me this drastic move i made to be with him is no big deal. Im sad and unhappy in USA and feel very isolated. His life hasnt changed. Am i right in thinking the way i am and is he being selfish and uncaring.

1 Answer

  • ?
    Lv 4
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Of course you're right in thinking the way you do.

    Im sorry but it doesnt sound like hes a husband who would put his wife first.

    I think that you are the one with the clear state of mind, and I personally think you should go back to Austrailia.

    Goodluck with everything!

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