how to trust husband?

Would you ever trust your husband again? ( we been having problems about his porn hobbies, kind of flirting with other women and lately he seems kind of interested in a coworker female)

what would you do. (he's 40 years old). he's been hanging out with a 30 year old male coworker ( this guy went to a strip club last week telling my husband about this and husband seems very interested asking how was it?does he want to go too? I found out some things that dont make me happy and when I confront him about them always he denies it or apologizes saying it wont happen again and that he doesnt want to lose me or children etc etc . In general he's a good guy,(at least he pretends that in front of me, that he loves his family that he wants to honor his wife etc etc etc. but when he talks with this person and other people, he is someone completely different.(he doesnt know that I know).

husband was in the marines he talks about the women he had sex with et etc.and how hot this chic was etc etc, saying some of these women that they understand men and all this sh...t . calling them honeys bla bla...he doesnt even call me like that.( last year he did the same thing with her sister talking about last g/f and how hot they were bla bla....) I dont know sometimes who he really is?

2 days ago I guess this other guy was showing him some porn pics or something like that and husband said I'm into gold porn..what can I say?? and the other day i got mad a little with him and I dindt answer the phone.. coworker asked him what happened with your wife..husband say ..ohh she is a crazy woman etc etc

he is other person with other people and with me he acts very different way (H e says I want to honor my wife and my marriage is important etc etc ..Yeah!! sure honoring me, right! talking about his past sex life and how great it was and cr...p like that).

I think I lost respect for him. is he an hypocrite? do I married someone that I really didnt know?

we been married for 7 years with 3 beautiful girls. I feel so confused and dont see him the same way I used to see him few years ago. would you stay with someone fake for the sake of your children but been unhappy? I dont think he has cheated, but with all this stuff I'm afraid he is close to do it one day.

please if your answers are going to be rude dont answer.. dont say he is been with the same women for 7 years yeahh poor I will be the same for me right?..I'been with the same guy for 7 years poor of me too r....or the ones that are going to say if you dont give him sex that's why he is into porn..I always am available. he is the one prefers his porn over me. (i'm in shape not bad looking). he prefers to look at young women.

5 Answers

  • detour
    Lv 4
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    First of all most men look at other women it is normal. It is when they act on it that it becomes a problem. Men are visual creatures and you will never be able to control his eyes. He sounds disrespectful of you and of himself. Porn is usually a bad thing to get into as I feel the person is looking for excitement and then they are disappointed when they come to reality that real life is not jumping from one person to another. I don't think you are confused at all I think you recognize that he is making you feel uncomfortable and disrespecting you and you don't know how to change him. He has to want to and you both need to go to a good councellor to work issues out. if the first councellor doesn't help try another. If he refuses councelling or you do then all you can do is sit down with him when you are both in a good mood and calm and try to communicate well and work issues out. If he won't then he doesn't care enough right now. You may have to leave him for a while to let him know that you cannot keep living like this. Your husband is disrespectful to call you a crazy women in front of co-workers or in front of you or anyone else. He may be embarrassed by your behaviour if you are screaming or yelling in front of people or he may have emotional issues. If a loving person calls you crazy they are disrespectful and both of you need to work issues out. If you try to work on your marriage and find things are not getting better after great effort you may have to separate or get a divorce. I wouldn't give up without a good effort and I wouldn't live in hope forever either or ignore bad issues in your relationship. He is an adult and you are too and you both know what you are doing so both of you have to work together and responsibly to make this marriage work. I seriously advise against the porn as it usually causes issues with relationships. It isn't due to jealousy on the females part as often mentioned I think it leads to sex addiction and disappointment. I would let him know that you feel it is a deal breaker and you want to discuss the issue with a good councellor to see how you both could deal with the porn. Please remember that many people disagree and have their reasons for supporting the industry but let him know that you are very uncomfortable with him being involved and ask him to consider not getting involved in porn. If he cares enough for you he will not put an image on with "the guys" he will be man enough to say my wife is important and I don't want to offend her. Get good professional advice on this. good luck and I hope your marriage works out if it is meant to. Please don't doubt yourself though. If you see red flags react to them and work them out don't go in denial or doubt. I think you can only take so many "I'm sorrys" make sure he is respectful and fair. take care As far as being told not to trust him you already don't but that doesn't mean that the two of you can't work on the marriage to gain trust with each other. It will probably take a lot of time and work. I would like to see you be realistic though and not to live in hope for years. At some point you have to decide if he is going to be honest and respectful and communicate well with you in the relationship. If not then you have a serious decision to make.

  • 8 years ago

    I really feel for you as it must be alwful having lost the trsut in your husband. It sounds like you do not trust him any more and I can understand why.

    My husband works with mainly females and I have had similar worries about him being tempted by younger available women. It is all about trust and sometimes that is difficult.

    He is ex forces like my husband so sometimes maybe they say things to their mates to make themselves sound good and not under the thumb.

    I do believe it is natural for men to be curious about porn and maybe even strip clubs BUT he is married to you and should undertsnad how you feel.

    You have been married 7 years and have 3 children so it is worth working on your marriage and finding out from your husband how he truly feels. Are you having enough time as a couple? I don;t mean just sex I mean time to go out etc etc.

    I have been married 23 years and marriage does take a lot of work. Have had our ups and downs but I am still in love with my husband.

    You need to have a serious chat with your husband (not a row) and let him know in the nicest possible way that if he cheats or continues to do things a single man would do then you will end the marriage.

    Source(s): Married 23 years
  • 5 years ago

    Investigate the cellphone cellphone assertion. Some carriers record the numbers to all incoming and outgoing calls, some record them underneath your account online. If you are a certified user on the account, which you could name the carrier and request an itemized record of calls, if you don't seem to be, there are approaches round that, too. Have a brother, or other male pal name and say he's your husband. Make certain he has all of the know-how they are going to ask him to verify his identity - passwords on the account, zip, social, whatever they would ask. Yes, it is illegal, however i would must comprehend if my husband was once cheating. My ex did, and the first clue was once the phone calls. I do hasten so as to add though, be definite you wish to have to understand the reply earlier than investigating. What you discover might change the whole lot. Additionally, even if there are a hundred calls on there between the 2, it still is not proof of an affair, simply of a relationship. You are going to have got to use your instincts, and hearken to his explaination if that happens. Excellent luck.

  • Go to the phone book & pick out a marriage counselor. You have 3 children who deserve 2 parents who feel good about themselves. This kind of stress really makes you feel sick at heart. If he won't go with you, go by yourself. It will show him that you are serious about your marriage & your love for him. Sometimes men can make mistakes that really hurt the woman they love. But they can also learn from the errors of their ways & grow as husbands & fathers.

    Source(s): Experience.
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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    You sound like a desperate woman without any sense. Best you just keep things to yourself. You're too stupid to handle simple problems.

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