I need advice, How to I tell my friends that I cant go out to clubs? Please read?
I need some advice with something so Im here.
Im an 18 year old guy and I have just started university, and things are good, everything is very different from My life a year again.
Im starting to make some new friends, and I am enjoying it very much, but the one problem I have is the nights out.
Im not the most outgoing person in the world, but the college organises nights out to clubs and bard etc .
My problem is that I really dont enjoy this kind of experience, I have a small form of epilepsy, but with strobe lights or flashing lights and loud music is a trigger for me to get Migraine pains and shooting pains in my head and sometimes down my back and arms,It is very hard to cope with as its quite painful, and when It happens I dont like being away from people who dont understand it. It makes clubbing or going to loud concerts or noisy places a bit of a problem for me, so I decide not to go.
But in college noone knows about this, and people keeping asking me, why arent you going out and why werent you there, we missed you etc. and I really hope people dont think im trying to avoid them.
Im quite ashamed to tell them about it because Its kinda embarassing to me and I dont want them to think im unwell. i dont know what they'd think of me.
I feel though that college life is centred around clubs and nights out, and that Im missing out on a huge part of college life and I that people wont want to be friends with me because they think im not a fun person to be with.
I make excuses saying that my parents just dont want me to go out and they wont let me (which is true to an extent), but I dont think they really buy that. I kinda think they know that theres something else up. I dunno. But I dont know how to tell them this or how I should, but i think im going to have to eventually, but i dont know how to explain this to them. I dont want them thinking im some sort of losser or sad case that I cant go out, I mean I can, its just i prefare a place thats not so busy with no flashing lights or loud music. What should I tell them, how should I approuch people to tell them, I feel Ive kinda lied to them saying my parents wont let me because they think im to you and they are just being mean :S Any advice ?
- Anonymous8 years agoFavorite Answer
Just tell your friends that you dont like going to clubs and stuff or your too busy to go to such places and you have much more important things to do. By time, they will know that your not interested!
AND try organizing a day out to a restaurant or cinema, so that you wont feel missed out!!
and good luck
- 8 years ago
First, do you know for sure you can't go to a club? Like, do you just assume it will trigger your epilepsy so you haven't tried, or do you know from experience? If it's just something you *think* will happen, then I suggest you checking out a club on your own to see how you react to it.
I have a couple of different suggestions.
First, there's no need to tell people you have a medical problem. Just say you're not a fan of the noise and commotion and would rather go somewhere quieter. If these events are organized on a smaller scale (for instance, not by the college itself, but by the RA of a dorm or something), then you can speak to whoever's in charge and ask for more variety in the activities. I'm sure there are others who, for whatever reason, aren't a fan of clubbing either and would appreciate a change in scenery too.
Or you can just tell people you have epilepsy and that's the reason. They might not be as adverse to the idea as you think. In this world, things like epilepsy and depression, etc. aren't as stigmatized as they were a few years ago. I imagine people will be accepting and curious, not mean about it. And if they won't like you because of something silly like epilepsy, then really, why are they your friends in the first place? And if you layed all your cards on the table, then everyone might understand the need to accomodate what you want. If you just said you don't like clubs, then they'd probably be like, "Ok, well his loss, he doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to." But if you say you can't go to clubs, they'd probably be more likely to find something else to do.
Good luck and don't let your disorder get in the way of having fun. :)
- ChloeLv 48 years ago
Please just tell them, your epilepsy is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. I think they would understand more if they knew what was up, because some people would assume you are avoiding them when that is clearly not the case. If you trust these people then confide in them-and then they should want to include you and will go to other places that you can cope with and enjoy that environment. Friends look out for one and other-that's what they're for, right?
I hope you are okay and best wishes for the future. Chloe xx
- 8 years ago
You dont have to go out. I'm a fresher in the Uni of Bath and we have people in our flat who dont like clubs for whatever reason but we still are friends with them. You arent really gonna miss out on much bonding etc with your college mates in clubs as everyones pretty drunk by the time theyre in there. You can just pre drink with them and then stay in. Or invite these people to somewhere you can go without getting migraines.
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- 8 years ago
You do not have to go into to much detail but you could tell a few people that the lights and loud music in clubs give you terrible migraines, try to organise other things to do, if they don't understand try and get new friends.
- 8 years ago
just be honest, for goodness sakes they should know you have epilepsy in case anything ever happens.
If you knew someone else had epilepsy would you feel diferently about them? course not.
when your young you worry about things that (when your older) you realise are totally harmles. Just be honest.
I always say, if the truth damns you then you deserved to be damned.
Dont ever be ashamed of who you are, if you dont hurt anyone then whats the problem?
- blustLv 44 years ago
you're incorrect about one element. college existence isn't dependent round evening clubbing. There are society activities the position you could in basic terms connect up at your Uni bar or in a school room and carry out. I went to a lot of those and met one of those large number of different human beings and made acquaintances. also, evening golf equipment aren't any more even the most acceptable position to socialise. verbal change is difficult once you've loud track and easily inebriated human beings to communicate with. seem, i'm no longer saying evening golf equipment are evil and undesirable because hey, Uni existence frequently includes the evening club scene. notwithstanding, i recognize lots of those who're able to socialise with out ever going to nighttime golf equipment. Having beverages at a bar or pub are in basic terms as sturdy. you may want to easily say you want putting out in a bar, espresso save, round campus etc. in basic terms be person-pleasant which includes your associates and say "Sorry men, evening golf equipment are not in basic terms my element". you do not opt for to bare your epilepsy problem in case you do not opt for to. And in the experience that they are your associates, they'll understand.
- 8 years ago
I know its hard, but tell them the truth. If they're real friends, they'd understand.
And yes, I know. It is really hard, but something you have to do otherwise you could be lying to them for ages and the more lies you make up, the worse it gets :(