My first car crash scene, opinions?

I am writing a novel and I randomly decided to write a car crash scene. haha So It's my first one (ever) and I know I will have to change things...it's not perfect.

Advice, tips, anything?

Note: What I have been doing is writing the sloppy scenes (not caring about grammar, punctuation) and then I will go back to it and correct everything when I finish the novel.

I squeeze into the backseat and buckle my seat belt. Alicia turns the car on and we start moving. She lives with her grandmother out in the country. Well, I live in the village with houses stacked on top of each other and her grandmothers closest neighbor is about two miles away. We turn on to the back road and see the dark black van that was following us before. I clench the shoulder of the passengers seat.

“Guys, look behind us.” I say with a shrill in my voice.

“That's the van, he was following us to Robins'. Wasn't he?” Chloe asks.

“Look, we are almost to my house. I'll just speed up a little and we will be fine.” Alicia looks out of the rear view mirror.

The van is closer than before, as we gain speed it does too. The road is lined with trees on both sides. No houses, stores, civilization. A few minutes go by, we are quiet.

“Can you turn around? Make a U-turn. We can go to Robins', see if it's still following us. It might just be coincidence. You know, they might be taking a creepy back road to their grandparents house too.” Chloe says really fast.

“Chloe, nothings going to happen. We are safe in the car. Alicia, can you go a little faster?” I say calmly.

“I'm going 60 right now. I can go faster, you just don't want me to.”

“It's okay, we will be there soon.” I look behind us, “Guys, where did they go? Did they stop?”

“Chloe, were you watching? There weren't any turns, they have to be there.” Alicia says.

“I don't see them.” Chloe says.

I hear tires squeal from behind us, the van reappears, “Their gonna hit us, hold on.” I yell to them. I duck my head and grab the seat and then feel a hard and powerful crash from behind us. Our car is thrown into the air, I look up to see the ground out of the left window. Pieces of glass are left from where we were. We all scream, I see Chloe swaying back and forth trying to latch onto something. The car spins and lands on the roof, we slid until a tree stops us on Chloe's side. The van keeps driving, like nothing happened.

A loud ring stings my ears, Alicia is slamming against the steering wheel and struggling with her leg. Chloe, is quiet. I grab my seat buckle and click the button, sending me to the roof. I go dizzy for a few seconds, everything is spinning. The buzzing won't stop, my head is pounding. I sit up straight and take my jacket off, covering my hands I remove the glass from the rear view windshield and climb out.

“Devyn, Devyn! Chloe isn't moving.” Alicia shouts.

I run to Chloe's door but it is blocked by the tree.

“I can't open her door, it's blocked. Can you climb out?” I shout over the buzzing.

“My foots stuck.” She breaths out.

I sprint over to her and open the door. She is upside down, I pull on her foot. It doesn't move. After yanking on it I take her under her arms pits and try to pull her out, nothing.

“Breathing in deep I pull, backing up step by little step. Her foot wiggles out and she is free. Her legs fall to the pavement and I set her down.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“I'll be fine, get Chloe. I'll call 911.” She shews me to the car.

Crouching down on my hands and knees I climb into the car, carefully placing my hands on the roof. “Chloe?” I shake her arm. “Chloe, wake up. You gotta get out here.” I cry.

She has a gash on her forehead, it's bleeding out. I put two of my fingers to her neck, no pulse. I move them down a little to try a different spot, pulse. Shes still alive. Chloe, lets get out of the car now. I unbuckle her and falls into me. Her head dangles over my shoulder I grab her with my right hand and claw the glass covered roof with my left, inching our way to the pavement.

I lay her body down on the cold,black ground. The sun is shielded by the trees, darkness surrounds us. Chloe's arm has a enormous piece of glass stickingout of it, making her bleed everywhere. I take the chunck in my hand and squeez it, pulling it from her arm. Then take my t-shirt to apply pressure, mixing our blood. “Chloe, wake up. Come in Chloe, you need to open your eyes.” I whip the hair out of her face, leaving some blood behind, “Alicia, id you call the police?” I sniffle.

“Yeah, they are on their way.”

Update:

The closest I have come to a car accident is being rear ended while pulling into a parking lot...didn't even leave a scratch.

So that's thankful in the I'm alive case but not in the trying to explain something I've never been in case. haha

But thanks! I'll edit. :]

2 Answers

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  • David
    Lv 7
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I don't care for the first person present tense. To me, it's way too melodramatic.

    Keep in mind a few tings.

    First, even a good writer will not be too descriptive of a car accident that happens to them. Everything happens very very fast and they don't have time to jot down everything. So don't go into a lot of detail.

    But on the subject of detail, a second thing. Car accidents smell. I don't know if you have ever been on one or seen one. But there is a smell of engine coolant if the radiator is cracked. And the air-bag propellant is a burnt-chemical smell. i witnessed a car accident last month and I could still smell that days after.

    After an accident, people are dazed and confused. Keep that in mind.

    One more thing, there always seems to be a quiet immediately after the accident.

    Still, it's a good effort. Keep writing.

    If you will forgive the self promotion and if you want to read my eyewitness account of the accident I saw it's here: http://roadwalkermedia.blogspot.com/2012/09/when-f...

  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

    i bought a Chloe from this site, really cheap but good quality.

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