Mae
Lv 4
Mae asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 8 years ago

Is this something you would continue to read?

I was being silly when I wrote this. :p Is good though?

It was evening when I knew I had enough time to finish my homework and get to the junkyard. I’m Tommy, Tom for short. I live in a simple little town called Buttervillle. Our town is named after our greatest achievement, the world’s creamiest butter. I hate butter ironically; it really isn’t something I want to eat. This town does not understand me at all. Every time I pass someone in town they go “Brrock, brock, brock, brock” since I am as skinny as a chicken. Everyone in town calls me “Chicken” all the time. Everyone in town is fat and overweight so it’s hard for me to fit in. I eat all of the time so I could be just like everyone else but I never seem to gain any weight, no matter how much I eat. I’m cursed with being skinny.

That day started with me waking up in a rusty old chair at home. After I had to wait until I got to school to wash my hair since my 14 member household only has one bathroom. So I only shower once or twice a month. I am not a hillbilly. I’m a dirty runt or that’s what granny calls me. No one ever paid me any mind except on this on single day around Christmas when I was baby Jesus in a play. This has gone on for 8 years or so and I am sick and tired of it. That is why I am going to this junkyard party.

A rumor had been going around school that there was a junkyard party going on today. Let me explain: This 12th grader from a long time ago, named Kenny Deep had been called a pyro ever since he accidently set his hair on fire at school once. After he set his hair on fire everyone called him Barney the pyro. He did not like being called Barney the pyro so he got pissed off every time someone said it. One time he got so mad at this freshman named Wilbur that he wanted to fight him at the Butterville junkyard. It was on at mid-night; Wilbur won because he found Kenny’s greatest fear: flowers. Everyone say’s Barney the pyro died that night from fear. Today everyone says he haunts the junkyard in search of a way out of his flower junky world to get revenge on Wilbur the freshman.

So why was that important? Well, I will get popular because I’m Wilbur Smiths son and if you are brave enough to attend the daredevil’s party you get to join their group. I want to join the daredevils because all the people in the group are popular and cool. Cool cats. The group is like the police force at school; they stop school fights all the time and are in very good terms with the teachers. I want to be a daredevil so freaking much! The group is cool; all they wear is tight deep red t-shirts, with black dyed (for some) hair and a ravishing tattoo of a hawk swooping over a mouse in a graveyard! Don’t they sound wonderful! I want to be a daredevil!

I was sitting around on the ground at the park leaning against the public bathrooms trying to decipher a problem on the structure of a sphere. I would not stop scratching my ragged brown hair in confusion. I kept saying “darn” and twisted my tongue around my lips. I clutched my teeth as I broke my lead pencil tip from writing too hard. I stood and stared at it a moment. I then flung it into the girl’s bathroom and yelled at the sky, “My pencil tip broke!” I then dug in my pocket and took out one of my mom’s apple treats and began to nibble. I packed my stuff into my bag and began to walk away to Philly’s house. Philly is my best and only friend. He is crazy cool and crazy stupid too. His house was near the Butterville Park and I knew he like owned a million pencils. I walk into the forest avoiding trees in my way. I strolled into his yard and climbed up his fence. I fell down it on the other side; I quickly recovered and stumbled across Philly’s yard. I hit my face onto his see through door to his kitchen. “Darn!” I grumbled. I slide the door open and snuck my way over to his refrigerator. I grabbed a baggy filled with homemade peanut butter cookie dough and put it into my bag.

I'm just wondering if it sounded right. (I'm not planning on writing more). I like writing and I was 13 when I wrote this. I'd like to know if you would continue reading if there were more?

Thank you!!! :)

4 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Ignore the negativity, they're just jealous! It's amazing i would most definitely keep reading! Keep up the good work!

  • 4 years ago

    Sure, you've got a groovy sort, and the plot would be intriguing. But you wish to have punctuation, I bought stressed, Use those "". And placed the ideas in italics, It is well, hold writing. You particularly use well descriptive phrases to create shiny images.

  • 8 years ago

    Honestly, it's great for a 13 year old! Would I continue to read it? ...no, but you should definitely continue writing!

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    No, it sounds like a children's book written by children.

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