does my horror story: the creature vs. the sound good? does it need to be improved (lots of reading involved)?

i won't give you the storyline. i'll just explain what it is. its when two of my best monsters go head to head. one with unknown origins in Alaska and one from outer space in Iraq meet in a health center in Japan in 2032. and all staff and civilians are under the attack of two deadly creatures that will stop at nothing until one of them is killed. the ending will be a surprise so i won't mention it. to learn more about the creature and it and better understand the story read on. it will explain the creature and it.

the creature was found in Alaska near a town in the year 2032. it can fuse itself to a nothing living thing. kinda like a virus it infects you. your just a puppet for it. but that's not all. it can turn invisible. but what gives it away is sun light. the sun makes the eyes glows. which leads in to the test the town survivors use to see who was who and who was the creature. it was inspired by the thing. and in the thing they use fire to kill it. i used it for the creature as well but with good reason. the creatures blood doesn't just infects. once its shot or stabbed its blood can quickly multiply at a fast rate making a skeleton, mussel, veins, skin and other body parts until another creature is fully formed. basically its like a cloning process. i tried my best to make it different from the thing as best as i could. location, characters, storyline, and the creature itself (the thing is a alien. the creature i suppose it between monster and alien). when it forms it has black skin, yellow eyes, a body that is cat like, and a reptilian head. when its story ends its blood is found in a jar (go figure) then taken to a health center in Japan. but what was considered average everyday blood becomes a creature that nature left behind (on the cover that's the tag line: see why nature left it behind).

the it was found a month after the creature in a cave in the deserts of Iraq. it came down from space in a meteorite. the it is mostly based on anime/hentai stuff. but instead of women its looking for a way off the earth. it doesn't under stand earth (it mostly landed on planets with 0 life or large asteroids. it can shoot acid out its mouth. it can melt anything in sight. it has no eyes, ears, or nose. so it has to feel vibrations and feel objects to get around. the it is nothing but a large worm like mouth with millions of tentacles. speaking of the tentacles i forgot to mention its also like a lizard. when its tentacle is cut off it grows back. but it doesn't stop there. when the tentacle is cut off it can spawn in to another it. how do you kill it? well it loves heat (where else but a desert) so they defeat it with liquid nitrogen. as it froze and shattered to pieces a piece still intact is sent to Japan and well you know what happens.

so? does it sound good or more work? if you don't like it or tell me to improve it don't be too rude. i'm not saying don't be just don't be very.

any help would be greatly appreciated.


no. the creature can fuse to: humans, dogs, cats, birds, or any living thing in sight. and i know virus's are living. if they weren't we'd be dead.

the creature looks like a cat with a reptilian head. but it has no hair or scales. instead it has black skin. it has yellow eyes that glow when the sun reflects of them. the creature can sometimes become disfigured from transformation.

the it is a sickish green. it has no body, arms, or legs. it has tentacles with a large worm like mouth. ever seen the matrix? remember those machines called: centennials? well they almost look like that.

and i see you were right about by sentences being wrong.

1 Answer

  • 7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    For the Alaskan monster, do you mean it can fuse itself into a "non-living" thing? And virus are living things, by the way. I like how you're trying to be very unique in description, and I like that, but it can become a bit confusing. Is your story going to be a short-story or a novel? So the whole story is about the battle, right? Oh, and please check your sentences, because I noticed some of the sentence structures are incorrect and not capitalized properly.

    Overall, your story sounds like it's full of action, but I didn't really get the gist of what the monsters look like or do in your horror story due to the jumble of sentences I'm reading. Don't give up though!

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