what do you think of my university personal statment?

I haven't finished it yet but i would like some feedback thanks :)

There is absolutely nothing more fascinating than the biological sciences. From

Ecology to Pharmacology. I find every aspect of the subject truly intriguing.

I fell in love with the way the human body functioned way back in first year of high

school where we vaguely studied the function of the heart and I have ever since

been interested by the ideas Biology imposes onto the world we live in. I am

particularly interested in Medical Biology as it focuses on diseases and treatments

which I consider to be very important and valuable to today's society. (and find the

human body a amazing piece of intricate machinery which screams to be studied.) I

decided to study Biology in University because of it's ability to understand the

human body and the environment in which we live in. Having done volunteering

through the NHS at the Royal infirmary, this increased my communication skills and

sensitivity towards patients. It enabled me to understand the impact medical

problems can have on ordinary people and how these problems should be dealt with.

Doing work experience at a dental surgery taught me initiative and punctuality, I find

Dentistry and oral health interesting and have considered studying dentistry

afterwards as I found the career extremely rewarding. As a school prefect, I held

many responsibilities such as organising school events and developed a sense of

confidence and key skills such as diplomacy. To have attended Scouts for many

years as a youngster and eventually becoming a young leader showed me Discipline

and Loyalty. Being a part of the school Eco team taught me the importance of

conversation biology and how we should help maintain a healthy environment. I take joy in being involved in raising money for important causes with affect the

environment and earth through the Eco team. I look extremely forward to studying

drug design and understanding important and concerning diseases during the course.

I enjoy working with different ages and interacting with different people from which

I gained many qualities such as social conscience and motivation by helping at The

British Heart Foundation charity shop. A I have a a strong passion for reading and

the Higher English course enabled me to explore and understand complex and

interesting pieces of literature This combined with Having read about genes and how

emotions and thoughts can have an impact on the expression of DNA strands in a

book about molecular biology heightened my passion for biology. I have always

enjoyed writing and love to write stories in my free time. I appreciate being part of

the debating team in school and enjoy discussing important issues. The advanced

higher biology course which I am currently studying is a course which is very

involving and still fascinating. Biology is the study of living organisms and the way

these organisms think and work making it a truly exciting subject which I cannot

wait to study in a higher depth and understanding in University.

3 Answers

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  • 7 years ago
    Best Answer

    The reader would think that one who studied "higher English" would have learned to write beyond the level of a seventh grader. Not only that, but using words like "fascinating" are nauseating to the reader.

  • 7 years ago

    -Not all people may find interesting biology, and you seem to believe so

    -You are somewhat vague when describing why you like biology (ex. you say you think the human body is amazing but don't give a personal reason)

    -Check for mistakes in sentence structure!!! The sentence that starts with "Having done" is a bad one

    -You don't need to define biology (which by the way you shouldn't capitalize), the people reviewing your app already knows it

    -You have in issue with the words "this" "to have" and "done". Not only you repeat them, but they do not seem to make clear, coherent sentences

    -Overall, I think is very simple....just an opinion

  • ranson
    Lv 4
    3 years ago

    I've simply accomplished my PS myself, and if im honest, i might say you've got received a relatively excellent announcement here. You might have pointed out external of college as good as what you will have enjoyed in institution. Best factor i can recommend is asking a senior trainer for your college, and they'll point out the failings if there are any. From a private point of view I consider its rattling just right. Hope this helps and gives you just a little of confidence about your PS x

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