Why is everyone plotting against me?

When i finally sum up the courage to leave my house i hate the whole experience and cant wait to get back to my room. when i see someone on the street i want to cross the road because i can feel and see them looking at me and when i meet their eyes i hear what they're thinking. i often run into the road when... show more When i finally sum up the courage to leave my house i hate the whole experience and cant wait to get back to my room. when i see someone on the street i want to cross the road because i can feel and see them looking at me and when i meet their eyes i hear what they're thinking. i often run into the road when theres traffic to get to the opposite side to them, and iv been in a couple of accidents and had many near misses because of it. But on my street there are always people on both sides so i face the problem again when i get here especially when theyv seen me run accross the road. i try walking head down and have done for years to avoid meeting peoples eyes, but i can feel the cars watching me. i never hear what they think i guess the car stops the thought from reaching me which is probably the same reason i feel safe in my house cus i cant hear anyone if theyre outside. The worst part though is when someone is in my house and i hear them talking, its usually my two brothers and theyre always talking about things like dragging me out my room, locking the doors and setting the house on fire while im inside, telling me my parents are gonna die because of me and that they want me away from them. But everytime i creep down the stairs to listen closer they must hear me because they chage subject to something like the gym, or uni, or their girlfriends etc. then i go back to my room. when they finally leave im often alone and then im haooy again cus i cant ehar anyone or anything. i can go back to reading a book or on the internet etc. the worst part is now i have 2 housemates as i live in rented accomodation, one is a girl one is a guy. teh girl is lovely,shes a uni exchange student who has better english than most english people and i can talk to her for a couple of minutes a day. she doesnt think nasty things though. but im still scepticle so i dont hang aroudn her for long incase she just knows that i can hear people so can hide her thoughts from me. the guy however is always thinking of ways of ripping me off, and always thinks about calling the police on me. i dont do anything wrong, but he police are alwyas trying to get me and he knows it. theyre always nocking on our door because there are a few lads around here that always wave guns about so stuffs always going on. trhe thing is i went to the police and told them all this but they just arrested me. :( i told them i drink heavily as the only way of dealing with it and i rarely leave me house, but when i do hi have to tae things with me like hammers or knives because its the only thing that stops people actually coming over to beat me up and stab me. the police didnt listen they just gave me a final warning for possession fo an offensive weapon, searched my house and gave me a community order for possession of 6 empty bags that 5 once contained mephedrone and 1 cannabis. i left hte house once in the last 3 and a half weeks to go and get milk and some food, and teh plolice stop searched me etc and i could hear both of them talking to eachother that they wanted to arrest me and drive me somewhere and killl me with their pepper spray. i was crying scared for my life and they just laughed.. so i havnt left the house since. i rang nhs up thinking i was just paranoid but they siad i needed anger management. so i know noone wnats to help. but why does everyone have something against me. i left home at 14 because my parents were always thikning about killing themselves and leaving a note saying i did it so i lived in a caravan and betwen friends houses, but never stayed long because their parents always wanted me out. my problem is under control now i just stay in my room, but and lock the door. but my room is 10.5foot by 5 foot. so i have no room to do anything :/ the longer i stay here the more im scared about outside but going outside makes me ill and petrified. i just really dont know what else to do. im too scared to live but i wont kill myself because i dont want to die in case you really do live for ever after. i cant bare the thought of living forever. im jsut so scared almost all of the time. what am i supposed to do? please
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