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Tory asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 8 years ago

Is this Ballad Worth Sharing?

I wrote this for someone who means a lot to me but I dont want it to sound silly. I would like to start writing music for it if its ready. What do you think? Any criticisms? Anything you particularly like? Thanks. :)

Theres knocks at the door

But we re on the floor

Laughing like children

All I want is more

I recall your eyes

With needles behind

Your gaze towards Eden

A pleasant surprise

{chorus}

Something sweet about a deal

Made with doubts nips at your heel

From far away I think theres someone yelling

I want to ask you

Something sweet about a deal

When theres no time left to steal

From far away I think theres someone yelling

I want to ask you if my souls worth selling

Sighs stream down my chin

Past my wavering grin

Indulgence is mine

It kisses my skin

The whippoorwill calls

Melt into the walls

Our only concern

Is where we will fall.

{chorus}

Something sweet about a deal

Made with doubts nips at your heel

From far away I think theres someone yelling

I want to ask you

Something sweet about a deal

When theres no time left to steal

From far away I think theres someone yelling

I want to ask you if my souls worth selling

Could you really think

I'd ever be pleased

Just recollecting

Those stale saccharin themes

I bow in silence

Awash in diamonds

You wear so surely

They say they're timeless.

2 Answers

Relevance
  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    i love it

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  • 8 years ago

    Yes!

    It`s a sure-fire `OKAY!` when you have the music too -

    Good For You!

    :)

    *Stanza 1., Line 1., `There`s`

    Stanza 1., Line 2., `we`re`.

    8.3/ 1o.

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