How do you tell someone you barely know that they're being annoying?
Just recently, I started attending a church youth group so I can make my Confermation in a few years(I'm Roman Catholic) and it seems almost like the group is separated into two smaller groups -- the people that know eachother that have been attending for a long time, and the newbies that have just started attending and don't know anyone. I fit into the second category, so I decided to make some new friends. Our first meeting wasn't really anything official -- it was a card night that was supposed to double as a mixer, I guess, and at our first meeting, I met a few kids, but one in particular (lets call her E) kept rubbing me the wrong way. I introduced myself to the kids at my table, and talked to everyone the same, yet, it seems like E keeps on clinging to me -- if I was talking to someone, she'd interrupt mid-sentence, or try to catch my attention for something totally unrelated, and it was pretty annoying. After the meeting was over, I just ignored it -- I thought she'd meet more people by our second, and she'd mellow out a little. I had no such luck -- before class even started she found me and was chattering again. I started talking to another girl, and we had this social excercise where you could get to know someone, but we had to sit in a circle, and she situated herself between the other girl and I just so we couldn't talk. Then, while the teacher was telling us where to go, she wouldn't shut up. I asked her to quiet down for a bit, at least till he was done, and that worked for approximately ten seconds. Then there was a point where she was just talking, and I was almost blatantly ignoring her. When I did that, she started calling my name, and tapping on my head, and squeezing my hand and laughing. I'm cool with being physical and poking at someone, but that's only if I've known you for at least a week -- E and I had only met twice.
I'm not a mean person, but she was really getting on my nerves -- I don't like possessive friends. I should be able to socialize with as many people I want. I don't tend to spend my entire day with one friend -- I'm a social person, have lots of friends, and I definitely don't like "belonging" to someone, since she keeps trying to pull me away from whoever I talk to. It's really annoying. I understand that It's possible that she's just not good with people -- I kind of recall her saying something about how people at her old middle school didn't like her (big shocker) and I felt sorry because I know how that feels. But how am I supposed to tell her to calm down and give me some space and I've only met her twice? I'll sound like a presumptuous, uppity chick if I simply tell her to "back off" or "see more people" or that she's being too clingy. I would do it if I really knew her, or had class with her every day or something (I've been faced with similar situations) but I only see her on Sunday for Sunday school.
And no, she's not a lesbian -- I attend an arts high school, and have tons of lesbian/bi/gay friends -- she isn't flirting with me.
- paul cLv 78 years agoFavorite Answer
My dear you have a cling on. She is clinging on to you, because you let her. She needs your attn. because she gets too little from others. It's sad to be that girl. She wants a friend so bad,
that she goes too far and chases people away. Which makes her makes her feel more alone and more lonely. She has so much she wants to say, that she can hardly get it out. She is used to people, getting tired of her and pushing her away. Why did she pick you ? Because your new and don't have any friends.
She may be a bit immature for her age, she might be overly Intelligent too. Both things don't win friends.
So now that you know what she is and why she is, what are you going to do ? I have a suggest or two, that might help. Keep in mind that she may be a bit sensitive and hurting her feelings isn't going to help. So don't. Your are her leader and can take some leadership steps.
Since it's only once a week and church related, I don't think you should be mean. I think you should take her under your wing. Step one is her talking too much and interrupting others.
You should say " yes we can be friends, and I expect some changes in your behavior." Her social skills are lacking and I would use hand signals to correct her. If your talking to someone and she starts talking over them. Hold up one finger, the index finger, look her in the eyes and say " 1 min. please, excuse me I'm speaking with______, please wait your turn." I use the turning a knob, hand signal. To tell someone to lower their volume. you train her like you would a child. In time she will catch on and begin to relax around you. She needs a social make over and you could be a good christian and give her one.
- DLv 58 years ago
Lmao! Wow! I have a friend (23) just like this and we HAVE to work together. Just tell her that she's being a little needy or introduce her to other people in your group. Tell her she should get to know THEM and that you two spend too much time together. If she gets mad (like my friend did) then maybe she's not mature enough to handle the truth and you may not want a friend like that anyway.
- 8 years ago
I would just come out and say it. If I barely knew that person, then yes I would do it.
- 8 years ago
Just tell her politely - tell her she's your friend and all but that she's being a little too clingy. :)