What to do with my husband who says I'm lazy and being f**king stupid?
I've been married five years after our first child, I was able to stay at home with our two year old son as we could afford it. Since then my husband calls me lazy and I'm being stupid on subjects that don't even matter. I'm tired of the put downs and disrespect. My job is a job I cook, clean and care for our son 24/7 no breaks, help from family Ect. I'm ready to pack up and leave him with our son so he can see what a job it is to parent. Anyone else deal with this?? Thoughts?? Thanks!
- LaneyLv 59 years agoFavorite Answer
If you leave him with your son it could be considered desertion and he could get full custody,
He is just a really mean man and you need to think this out rationally otherwise he will burn you. He obviously doesn't love you to talk to you the way he does. You should not have to constantly remind him or anyone else what you do for your family. Men can be so stupid saying this...if you were to go back to work full time, has he given it any thought as to how much child care would cost? Even if you made a decent wage, you'd be looking at paying about $1,200.00 and up ! After paying that and being put into a higher income tax bracket, you'd barely make anything! At least being home you're assured that your child is being well cared for by someone who loves him, he's safe, no potential for sexual or physical abuse and will grow up feeling much more secure as a result of his stable early years. So, when idiot tries to put you down and say you're stupid and lazy, you tell him that's exactly what everyone told me when I said I had found the man of my dreams!" he will get the drift that you settled for a creep when you married him.
Hang in there and really look on to something you can do to support you and your son should you leave. When calculating your expenses, remember to add in one third for child support. Better yet, if you need to look for work and you want to leave him, you can file for mental cruelty and ask for alimony as well as child support. Alimony is usually awarded to people that have been married many years but there can be exceptions if you both decided that you would be the stay at home patent and now need to be retrained so that you can provide for you and your child. Alimony can be given in this case for the duration of your training/ schooling.
Next time he tells you you're stupid and uninformed, give him the lowdown on your rights in your state to collect alimony and child support. ( make sure you do the calculations do you know roughly what he'd have to pay before you lay it on him)
Trust me, he will wish he'd never said a rude thing to you if you have your facts straight!
- CrazybirdLv 69 years ago
You are right that it is your JOB to cook, clean and care for your child. That was the agreement you and your husband reached (vs. You having an outside career), and so long as your holding up your end of the bargain, he has no room to complain. If I were you, I would call up some places and get quotes on how much a full time maid and nanny would cost. It isn't cheap. Perhaps THAT would show him how valuable you are to the smooth running of your home, family life and marriage. I was a live in nanny (kind of an under the table job) for a single father with 2 young children, and as part of my job description, I also took care of all household-related tasks as well. That was about 8 years ago, and I got $500 a WEEK plus free food and housing. I also had no real qualifications either (fresh out of high school), the girl who had been doing it prior to me was my friend, and she was moving out of state, so he "hired" me because it was far cheaper to hire someone off the street (who the prior nanny vouched for as a decent person) than through a professional service. I don't think a lot of men who have never experienced otherwise know how valuable having a "woman at home" really is. Even if you didn't have someone doing your job full time, you would have to work a 40 hour week, you would now have daycare costs, as well as the cooking/dishes/laundry/cleaning/bill paying STILL needing to be done after you both come home exhausted from work. A lot less chores would get done, and the child would suffer from not having an authority figure dedicated to their 24/7 care. I think it's very confusing for a young child to be under the authority of several daycare workers in a packed facility all day, every day, then coming home and being under the authority of their exhausted parents for only a few waking hours a day. They don't form a clear understanding of who loves them, who they should listen to, who's advice they should take or who has their best interest at heart. If trying to talk to your husband and explain to him how hard you really work and how important it is for your child to have a mother at home doesn't change his mind, it is probably better to leave the kind of environment where you are completely unappreciated. Don't leave the kid with him though, he doesn't (as of right now) sound capable of meeting the diverse needs of a young child in their formative years.
- MircatLv 79 years ago
Yes, your ideas sucks. If you leave him and take your son with you then exactly how is that teaching him what a job it is to parent? He will be single and no child and have no responsibilities.
Start looking for a job, find a day care and go back to work even if it's part time. Tell him you totally agree with him that you need to be more well rounded and you're going for it. Put your money in a separate account in your name only because you are eventually going to need seed money to start over or to go to counseling.
- Leslie JLv 79 years ago
He must be made to realise just how hard raising a child and running a house can be, may I suggest you hand over the running of the house and the raising of your child for a weekend, don't spring it on him plan it a week or so in advance, and you take yourself off for the whole day on both days and just arrive back home ready to eat see how he manages.
Oh and if he is really tired, when you get into bed, poke him in the back with a broom handle, see how he likes it.
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- 9 years ago
Leave the child with him one saturday. Tell him too be sure feed and change the baby as needed You eell be in a few hours.Source(s): Baby sit the 2 yr old grandson for wife so she can shop
- 9 years ago
Tell him you want to go back to work and that he now needs to pay for childcare as you want a career.