How can we tell a 19 yr old boy to stay away from our 14yr old daughter?

We originally wanted to write a cease and desist but she lives in Alabama with her mother and I had requested her help to get a correct mailing address since the boy is our daughters best friend's cousin. We found out about the situation over the summer while she was staying with us (along with a lot of other not so settling information about how she acts with boys) , he pursues her and has kissed her and tried to have physical contact with her. We talked to her about it and she admitted her wrong doing but I don't see anything changing. Her mother and step-father were worried the cease and desist was too threatening and that he may do something negative if we go that far. I am just at a loss because we advised her of our intentions and at first they wanted him arrested now they just want us to write to him on Facebook. I am just not sure what to do, I am the step-mother in this situation and we live in CA so we cant be there to actually see if anything is being done, I feel lost as a parent and just want to protect her. Any advice on what to say to this boy?

Update:

Lena- They made not have had sex but don't you think it is inappropriate for a 19 year old boy to pursue a 13 year old? (That is how old she was when this all began)

I am trying to help my husband find a way to write something to this boy that is assertive but not (im going to kill you) because that is all he can think of in this situation i am trying to be level headed

9 Answers

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  • E
    Lv 6
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I know you are trying to look out for your step-daughter, but it's hard when you are in another state. The mother will have to lay down the law. If the 19-year-old keeps after her, you mother can charge him with stalking and possibility harassment. If he has sex with her, he can be charged with sexual assault, statutory and child endangerment The mother can start by telling the daughter this and tell her that they will prosecute and put him in jail if she goes near him or he comes near her again.

    For the boy, maybe something like: We are the parents of XXXXX. We hereby request that you stay away from our 14 year old daughter. State law will allow us to prosecute you for stalking, child endangerment, and harassment if your actions continue. If you do not comply with our request, a warrant will be issued for your immediate arrest. You can also have him held without bail until trial with a ne or non-exit charge added.

    A male at this age is only pursuing her for sex then he will dump her. This will be devastating for her, and I am sure that the mother has not advised her of protecting herself against an unwanted pregnancy. The mother can also tell her that if she gets pregnant, he or any boy will be charged and jailed and sued for child support, and that she will have to take care of the child on her own because they will not do it.

    If it continues, her father can do a change of custody and move her to CA. If she knows that she can be moved to CA away from all of her friends, this should be a wake up call for her and maybe the situation and her flirtations will change.

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  • 8 years ago

    sigh.........if she likes the MAN, because he is a man not a boy, then it's going to be very hard to do anything. She can slip out, cut classes, sneak out in the middle of the night, all to see him. If she knows none of you like him, that can push her into his arms just to spite all of you.

    If she deosn't like the man, that's a different story. Then the cease order should be done to disuade him from pursuing her.

    It's ILLEGAL to have sex as an adult, with a minor, let alone wrong. He's too old for her. You guys can call the cops and have him arrested for statory rape if you guys find that out.

    Another option is for the stepfather to just go over there and beat the crap out of him and warn him off, without being seen, of course. That's what dads used to do to protect their daugthers.

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  • 8 years ago

    You will have to convince your daughter that this guy is all wrong.

    There is no 19 year old boy, with hormones running rampant, that will listen to any parent. He wants only one thing, and once you've convinced your daughter of this, she will be the one to ask him to stay away.

    There is nothing else you can do. Good Luck.

    Remember that you are dealing with CHILDREN, who do not have the capacity to think as adults at these ages. Anything you do to will be perceived as interference. It may come back to haunt you.

    Source(s): Experience, mother of adult daughters.
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  • Joann
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    At 19 i didnt live at home so my mom had no control over my life. But now im back home and im 21 and my mom still has simple rules and i respect them because i do live in her house and she does support me. If she doesnt like the way her mom is treating her she needs to sit down and have a serious conversation with her mom or if its hard to have a conversation with her then she should maybe get her a card and write her a letter. but just dont make it all negative add what she does good and what you appreciate her for.

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  • Bruce
    Lv 6
    8 years ago

    Assure the lad that if he lays a hand on the girl he will end up with a felony sex conviction and he can forget ever having a life.

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  • 8 years ago

    You invite him over and when he shows up you kick him in the nuts and tell him to flock off, and to stay away from your daughter or you'll kill him....!!!

    Source(s): The Keswickian
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  • 8 years ago

    You are the step-mother, so you don't have a dog in this hunt. Let her father deal with it.

    Source(s): fellow step-mom
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  • 8 years ago

    It's not like they actually had sex, so nothing illegal happened unless he forced her. You've probably humiliated her.

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  • 8 years ago

    If you and your husband have legal guardianship you can invite her to live with you.

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