Wedding question...is this rude ?

So I'm not gettin married soon we are just planning our wedding. We have been talking and we don't want a huge wedding but would love as many people as possible at the reception..we just want close family at our wedding to witness our vows but a lot of people were asking to come to our devotion and I'm fine with a huge reception, its just the church we are going to get married at isn't big enough for a whole bunch of people. So I guess what I am asking is.....is it rude to just invite someone to the reception and not the wedding ?? And if not how do I explain it without sounding rude. I have been stressing about this more then I should probaly I just honestly don't kno ...I would appreciate any advice. Thankyou :)

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    no, it is not rude. people do it all the time. you will need to have two different invitations printed. one will invite the guest to the wedding ceremony with reception following and the other will clearly state they are invited to a reception to celebrate your marriage.

    you will need to say something like "mr and mrs. john smith request the honor or your presence for a reception to celebrate the marriage of their daughter elizabeth to mr frank jones, son of mr and mrs stephen jones, on (date and tiime) at (location)"

    you don't have to explain anything to people. just let them know what they are invited to. people understand space and money constraints when it comes to weddings.

    it is a great idea to have a video or dvd made of your ceremony which can be shown at the reception for those who were not present, if you can find a videographer who can get it ready that quickly or you can even give your guests dvd's of your ceremony as favors.

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  • Cara
    Lv 4
    8 years ago

    1) Don't plan until you're ready to get married. You never know what circumstances will change - you may find a different church to attend that can accommodate more people, or decide you want a wedding elsewhere altogether. Even if things don't change, you'll know for sure what you're working with, and in the meantime you won't be "stressing more than you probably should."

    2) It is rude to invite someone to the reception and not the wedding - it comes off as, "We want your gift/attention, but you're not good enough to be at the actual ceremony." Even if that's not what you mean, that's what it will feel like. You'll need to decide whether it's more important to get married in this church or to have the guest list you want.

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  • 8 years ago

    Personally I think it would be rude if I were just invited to the reception and not to the ceremony. At the risk of receiving "thumbs down" I wish to express my opinion. And I hope this column allows for expressions of different opinions.

    Personally, I attend weddings to watch the nuptials, to experience the ceremony, the spiritual union of two souls because of their strong love. I love the processional, seeing the two families and friends, the beautiful clothes, and the expression of vows. I cannot think of a single wedding where I did not shed a few tears.

    I personally could care less about the reception, although some have been fun. To me receiving an invitation to the party only would upset me greatly.

    I know my opinion is not popular. I hope we can just agree to disagree. I hope I have not offended anyone by expressing how I feel.

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  • 8 years ago

    As others have said, you can get away with it if your ceremony includes only parents, siblings, grandparents, nieces and nephews and the requisite steps and in-laws. Do NOT expand out to aunts, uncles, and cousins, unless you both have smallish families. If you do this, and it is a very small, private ceremony, then it is okay. If you mean you want to have the 30-40 people you actually like, then a reception for 300-400, no, that's not okay.

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  • 8 years ago

    actually one of my cousins did this..him and his gf only invited immediate family like parents, bothers and sisters, grandparents to the wedding which was a simple very small ceremony and the rest of the family were invited to the reception..actually, it didn't bother me none..I still enjoyed the family and was a part of the celebration...personally, I would keep the ceremoney and reception to immediate family and true close friends..why pay to feed people who really don't care about you, they just go to have a freee meal...with this being said, I guarantee, these amount would fit in a church...that is what I am going to do when my son gets married..very small and intimate with the people close to my heart

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  • 8 years ago

    It's not rude. In fact, etiquette says it's ok to do this. Whether or not it's a good idea is another issue.

    For example, when people do this, they usually only invite immediate family (parents and sibs, maybe grandparents) to the wedding part. This is because once you start expanding that group, that's when people feel excluded and hurt. It's very easy to explain a private wedding for immediate family. It's not easy when cousins and friends start getting added. And people WILL find out.

    So my suggestion is either make the wedding ceremony completely private, and then have the big reception, or else get as many in the church as you can and invite this same group to the reception.

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  • 8 years ago

    I feel that it is very rude, and no amount of explaining will help. Rude is rude, period. No excuses.

    I feel the reception is where the couple thanks their guests for supporting them, for coming to the ceremony. How can a guest celebrate an event you deliberately excluded them from?

    If the church is too small, find another church. If you want an intimate ceremony, then you have to go with an intimate reception.

    Can't have it both ways.

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  • MM
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    There are enough people out there who would consider it rude that you really need to ask yourself whether the people you'd be inviting are likely to be those types of people. If they are, maybe you need to think of it as less of a reception than a celebration party and divorce it from the wedding entirely by holding it on a different day.

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  • Mircat
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Have parents, brother and sisters only at the wedding. Have someone video tape the wedding.

    Light candles, play the wedding march, turn down the lights and show the video on a big screen at the reception. That sounds simple to me.

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  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Yes, this is very rude.

    Your reception is your thank you gift to your guests for taking time to attend your wedding.

    Why would they want to come to a reception toting gifts for an event they were excluded from?

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  • 8 years ago

    Now honey, you don't need to be stressin out about your "big day"! It's your day and you plan it the way you want it :) but since you asked, I would start to explain the situation sweetly to the person you plan on inviting. Then they'll probably understand, and hopefully you don't need to worry about it. Usually the wedding part of it is for family and close friends, but the reception is the time you get to have fun, it's not unusual to have more people at the reception than the actual wedding.

    I hope this helps :)

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