Revised poem again 3rd post?
Alright so Im posting this a 3rd time now after having made revisions, I hope this is better
The water has receeded with the setting sun
Leaving sand soaked shadows of the sea
The waves had laid to rest at last
And calmer skies bring down the sun
First, a bright and golden shine
It quickly fades (to) an orange glow
And as it dies the red emerges
Turning the blue a purple haze
Now, halfway down, the air's on fire
Blazing streaks into the sky
And on the water like a dream
The day has plunged into the sea
In its final light above the horizion
The clouds burn into waves of light
And in its final moments I admire its glory
Til the sky is black and full of stars
I figure it was better to just repost since I took up so much space with the other one
- ?Lv 79 years agoFavorite Answer
This your dazzling piece will be much much improve
e.g., after line 5, a semi-colon.
This IS one of those unusual special free-verses,
wherein, strategic punctuation affords the reader
the pauses needed to manage the sheer density of lovely visual images;
Currently they `bleed` together just that bit too much still.
(imagine a film-reel at 1 and 1/2 normal speed)
so...there you go to make it a brilliant and glowing experience for your readers.
I know, yet poetry IS hard work... :)
*Line 1., `receded`*`
- 4 years ago
How do you are trying this? Dreadful dread and shivered kick back, O silence! beating coronary heart be nevertheless! Edgar Allen Sin Poe????? up on your skills impresses me, so does your "imprudence" in direction of yapoo to proceed reposting! do no longer no person mess with Sin! ma