Revised poem again 3rd post?

Alright so Im posting this a 3rd time now after having made revisions, I hope this is better

The water has receeded with the setting sun

Leaving sand soaked shadows of the sea

The waves had laid to rest at last

And calmer skies bring down the sun

First, a bright and golden shine

It quickly fades (to) an orange glow

And as it dies the red emerges

Turning the blue a purple haze

Now, halfway down, the air's on fire

Blazing streaks into the sky

And on the water like a dream

The day has plunged into the sea

In its final light above the horizion

The clouds burn into waves of light

And in its final moments I admire its glory

Til the sky is black and full of stars

I figure it was better to just repost since I took up so much space with the other one

2 Answers

  • ?
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    This your dazzling piece will be much much improve

    by punctuations;

    e.g., after line 5, a semi-colon.

    This IS one of those unusual special free-verses,

    wherein, strategic punctuation affords the reader

    the pauses needed to manage the sheer density of lovely visual images;

    Currently they `bleed` together just that bit too much still.

    (imagine a film-reel at 1 and 1/2 normal speed)

    so...there you go to make it a brilliant and glowing experience for your readers.

    :) (:

    I know, yet poetry IS hard work... :)

    *Line 1., `receded`*`

    7.8/ 10


  • 4 years ago

    How do you are trying this? Dreadful dread and shivered kick back, O silence! beating coronary heart be nevertheless! Edgar Allen Sin Poe????? up on your skills impresses me, so does your "imprudence" in direction of yapoo to proceed reposting! do no longer no person mess with Sin! ma

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