Non-rhyming poetry, what do you think?

I am often harsh when it comes to critiquing others' works, so please feel free to offer any and all honest opinions and critiques I dont usually make non-rhyming poems and I hope it came out well

The water has receeded with the setting sun

Leaving sand with shadows of the sea

And the waves are calm, and the sky has cleared

First a bright and golden yellow

It quickly fades to an orange glow

And as it drops the red emerges

Turning the sky a purple haze

Now, halfway down, the sky's on fire

Blazing yellow, orange, purple, and red

And on the water like a dream

The sea has lept into the sky

Still further down the sunset goes

The clouds now shine like waves in the sky

Orange and yellow, purple, and red

I could watch it for hours, but only minutes I have

Until the sky is black and full of stars

And I must wait for another day

I am going to pick the answer who I think offers the most honest and constructive criticism

Update:

I am at odds here, I really like the criticism that has been given

I'll give it another day, then pick an answer and rewrite it, the ending in my opinion was very weak, its the only part I havent revised, partly due to being lazy

3 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I like your poem a lot. I am a fan of non rhyming poetry because sometimes people go out of their way to put in a rhyme and it changes the whole poem just to find a rhyme.

    I think it is repetitive though and sometimes repetition is great for emphasis but I think you used it too much to describe the colors. Especially because this is a short poem, you should cut some of the color descriptions out. For example, you don't need the line that says, "Orange and yellow, purple and red."

    I do like some of your choices of figurative language like your similies "And on the water like a dream" and "The clouds now shine like waves in the sky."

    Some of your verbs were strong. You used actions such as recceded, fades, drops, emerges,lept, shine. I would reccomend changing some verbs though because they cannot compare to your other word choices. You could change "I could watch it for hours" to "I could admire it for hours". All in all, you did a great job.

  • Ian
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    I disagree with Katie, I don't see what's wrong with the colors as long you give a appropriate title like "Colours of the Sky" etc.

    Such colourful and descriptive poem in my ever honest opinion has the potential to be even better if you could make it rhyme, rhyming add a new dimension to poetry in creating an ebb and flow to it, like music. Some of the most talented singers and bands do sometimes write rhyming lyrics, Iron Maiden for example.

    I don't see what's wrong with the choice of words you used after you appraise the sky so much, I agree that "I could watch it for hours, but only minutes I have" but maybe you could changed it (better use of words) to "I would watch it all day but only minutes I have"

    I have once read someone's poems of roses where she describe a white rose of purity and red rose of love, one with different expressions of sky is creative but perhaps you could add moods and tones to it, like blushing red etc.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    In your repeating lines you delineate with color. That is fine but how many times in one poem should you do that?

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