Why does my husband lie to me about the stupidest things?
My husband cheated on me before we were married. He lied about where and what he was doing, mostly during the day when I thought he was at work. He knows how much I hate lying, and am even more sensitive to it now. I have been trying to move past this and forgive him, but I keep finding out about little lies he tells me such as; meeting with his son for lunch and telling me he hasn't talked to him, paying more for car work than he tells me he is paying, leaving work to do 'errands' in the middle of the day that he daoes not mention at all when he tells me about his day at work, buying things like tablets and ipad like gadgets that he says are for work but he keeps them in his truck, silly stuff like that. I have expressed to him over and over that by themselves I don't care about these things, what bothers me is the lying. What reason would he have to lie to me about such trivial things? And just in case you are wondering why I am bothered by such trivial things as I say, it is because if he can lie to me about stupid stuff like this, what else is he lying to me about? That's what I wonder about...Am I making too much out of this or is there something to the fact he lies to me all the time about the stupidest things and I worry about if he is cheating again/still?
Some of you are wrong, I do not hound him, in fact, I tell him I don't have a problem with these things....my problem is the lying. Period. And trust. period. I never ask him to buy me things, and it's not a matter of that he spends the money on himself instead of me AT ALL.
- ?Lv 47 years agoBest Answer
You don't turn a grown-a** adult into a liar. That's an independent choice he's making every time and if he's choosing to try and hide stuff from you, like a kid denying he ate those cookies, I'm sorry, but you're married to a man-child.
I know this, because I was, too, for almost 10 years. He would lie about the dumbest things imaginable. I wondered the same things you did. What else are you lying about? I never discovered that he was cheating, but the constant lies wore away my respect for him, and I left.
- Jennifer JasminLv 47 years ago
I'm really sorry to hear about that. I'm actually going through something like that right now... Can I ask you why you married although he cheated? Did you ever thing of checking his phone or mails? I know this sounds awful but if he lies about those things he might as well be cheating and is not very good a covering it... maybe you should try and follow him and find out what he's doing. Without trust a relationship is never going to work. I know how hard it is to leave tho.
I don't trust my boyfriend, he lies about stuff and it makes no sense. the relationship is basically over but i can't get myself to be strong enough to walk away. like, i know what to suggest to you but i can't do it myself. you need to know for yourself what makes you happy and how you can achieve it!
- LouiseLv 44 years ago
obviously he is not the only one who has trust issues if you feel it necessary to check his phone records, and i am guessing that it has nothing to do with whether he called the utility company either, i mean it is just as silly for you to search phone records to see if he did call about a bill, then it is for him to lie to you about calling about the bill, get what i am saying here? your both being silly. sorry i'm not trying to be rude but thats the way i see it based on your question. maybe there is more to the story. you said he has been burned in the past and has trust issues with you, i am guessing somewhere in the past you have also been burned because if you hadn't you wouldn't have your guard up. you wouldn't be looking carefully at phone records. and i bet it makes it even more difficult that he works away from home all the time because there is no way for you to know for sure what he is doing while gone. and i guess if he would lie about calling about a bill, he could deffinately lie about bigger stuff..i suggest a good sit down discussion the next time he is home.. get it all out in the open, tell him how you feel and let him tell you how he feels.. the only way to fix this is by open honest communication. when you talk, you will both know more about the other. and know where you stand.. but, both of you are going to have to try and find more trust in one another some how if this is ever going to work.. and, sorry to say it again, but it is both of you, not just him... you have to own your own blame here.. it takes 2 to make it and 2 to break it... good luck.
- ChrisLv 67 years ago
Guys aren't to good at lying. So a lot of the time they practice using small lies.
And some people just have a disorder that they will lie nonstop. Sometimes I think they believe their own lies.
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- rock of agesLv 67 years ago
Maybe he thinks you will fuss at him if he tells you so in order to avoid it he just doesn't say anything. But someone who lies all the time, for no apparent reason, may be a compulsive liar. Compulsive lying may stem from feelings of insecurity.
- Eric LLv 57 years ago
CMV is right. you say "by themselves I don't care about these things, what bothers me is the lying" but you are the liar when you say that. You just hound and torture him in more subtle ways about things then instead of directly yelling at him. Probably sarcastic crap like "funny, we had enough money for you to buy an iPad, but not enough for the new ring I wanted". re-examine yourself first.
- The ProphetLv 77 years ago
It might be more important to know why he cheated. If it happened before you were married he might not have been sure you were the one and if he did choose you you need to let it go but if he has a general commitment problem then you are in for a rocky relationship.
- 7 years ago
I've had 2 relationships with guys like this and the only and best advice i can give you is to get out of this realationship, don't waste anymore time on this guy! Just trust me on this.
- 7 years ago
im not sure why anyone lies to us. but you know what, just find out where he is going and what he is doing. to really get a sense of he lies or not. but that doesn't sound like a nice relationship between you two. no offence
- Anonymous7 years ago
He lies to you because you give him constant and unpleasant grief whenever he tells you the truth .
YOU taught him that lesson .
Suck it up .