mike
Lv 4
mike asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 8 years ago

What is with the "attachment parenting" moms I've met..?

Let me start off by saying there are many many ways to parent, and not one of them are the 'correct' way for everyone. Each family and child are different, and I think that's great. As long as the child is loved, safe, being nurtured and cared for, I don't see why any one style of parenting should be suggested as the "right" way.

So anyways, Im part of a mom's group in my community. We meet once a week, and usually have coffee and do a different thing each week- sometimes there is a guest speaker, sometimes a craft, etc.

Within this group, I find people tend to form cliques according to how they parent.. you have your "old school" moms, your tiger moms, your highly scheduled moms, your strict moms etc. Again, all fine and dandy- for the most part everyone is very nice and welcoming..

BUT when it comes to the moms that do the whole "attachment parenting" they all act like they are better than everyone else, and basically take shots at the ways the other women parent.

For example comments like these are common :

OMG you don't wear your baby in a sling all day.. I guess you don't care about forming a bond" " You don't co-sleep?!?! wow!"

"You actually gave your kid a time out- as if that is going to work"

"You don't use cloth diapers? I feel sorry for your baby, and the environment"

All of it is said in a snotty passive aggressive way.

All of these girls are young, and none have a child older than 1.5 years old.. so I don't get where they get off criticizing moms that having been raising 4 kids of the past 15 years. ( I heard them talking about one of the 'old school' moms, that makes her kids do chores like make their bed, before going to school)

It seems like this whole thing is just a big trend among the new younger moms, I've yet to meet a 40 year old mom that believe in this way..

Out of the people I have met it seems that there is a direct correlation between attachment parenting and a better than the rest attitude.

Has anyone else experienced this, or is my town just ridiculous?

Update:

@ LoveMy Mommy Life- your attitude pretty much matches that which is stated in my question. If you had the mental capacity to properly interpret the question, you would take note that I am not criticizing the style of parenting, I am questioning the attitude of the people I have met, that prefer this style.

Your p|ss poor attitude is a nice example for your child. I'm sure they would be very proud of you.

Update 2:

@ Nicky- Well said!

Update 3:

@Lovemymommylife... In your first sentence you said "Well for **someone** who is advocating that different parenting styles work for different parents; the attitude towards attachment parenting on this question is pretty pathetic." So yes you did specifically say something to me, nice try. And second of all, you started with the insults. SO get off your high horse before it's legs break.

Update 4:

@ Odette- I have not made anyone look any way. I have told my personal experience with very specific people, and what they said. As far as I'm concerned, they have made themselves look "nuts" as you have put it.

Nowhere in my post did I disagree with, or criticize the style of attachment parenting. I have not said that any other style was better. I did not create a platform of negativity- I asked about the attitude of specific people, in my home town, and some people responded with negativity towards APing, and some people responded for it. Nowhere did I personally state my own view on that style. The defensiveness shown towards this post is astounding, and it honestly is starting to solidify what I questioned in the first place. You guys didn't really do yourselves any favours here.

Update 5:

@ Audiomachine- take note- I only said something to here, after her outright hostile post. Sorry, I'm not a doormat.

14 Answers

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  • Love!
    Lv 7
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Attachment parenting creeps me out. You can be a good parent and not smother your child like that. Co-sleeping is dangerous and I always discourage it. I have a very good bond with my parents and I was only breastfed one year and was not "attachment parented" And I did chores and got spanked and I'm healthy and normal with no psychological problems, a college degree, good job, good relationships with my family and friends and my significant other. Nothing abnormal or anything.

    How you parents your kid is your business but attachment parting seems like it will only lead to kids who can't cut the apron strings and move away to college or get jobs or deal with failure or discipline and who can't form normal relationships with the opposite sex. They will never be normal I think.

    Source(s): RN
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  • DL
    Lv 4
    8 years ago

    Love!- Co-sleeping isn't remotely dangerous. Many countries world wide do it and their infant mortality rates are no higher than the "mighty" US of A's.

    In Europe, especially in the Eastern block where I come from, Attachment parenting is very common. However, many women work while doing that- while carrying the baby in the sling, while breastfeeding on demand.

    Co-sleeping is totally normal in many countries in Europe. It's considered very strange to leave your new born and vulnerable infant alone during the night (and then wonder why so many succumb to SIDS).

    I am a young mum, I have a one year old son, we do attachment parenting because it works for us. After the trauma of how he was conceived and the problems my pregnancy caused I want to keep him close and make sure he knows I love him.

    Yes, I do care about creating a very strong bond, something I never had with my parents due to lack of touch/communication. Also, AP reduces the risk of SPD and other sensory problems.

    I'd rather hold my son close than advocate leaving him by himself as punishment (hello, separation anxiety waiting to happen) and beating him.

    @Lovemymommylife- I think you put that in a very succinct way! I agree.

    EDIT: Where there are so many misinfomred people out there thinking that AP is somehow damaging your kids it's not surprising people get tetchy and defensive. No one wants their parenting criticised. You (OP) have made us AP mums look nuts. I do this because I believe in it- thus I find things other parents do to be ridiculous. Of course I don't like the things that go against AP, that's why I practice it!

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  • Nicky
    Lv 6
    8 years ago

    They're moms who are thoroughly dedicated to their children, that's a positive thing irregardless of how they come off to others. While I agree that people take on attitudes such as these moms, but anyone involved in these types of cliques have these attitudes, we all see our selves as superior parents because of the choices we make for our children, whether it's having chores, learning a second language, being outgoing/sporty/involved or eating vegan and wearing organic cloth diapers. I'd assume the superiority is mostly the blind assurance in our ideology that we all have as young people and they haven't yet experienced that moment in parenthood when you realize (and accept) that sometimes ideals must give way to practicalities, for each of us this is a different thing.

    I agree with @LoveMyMommyLife---We all figure out our own ways and what works best for us as individuals and individual families. We co-slept for the first few months and then transferred to cribs, not for everyone, but it worked for us well (especially when we had twins).

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Co sleeping is the norm in other parts of the world. Is it looked down upon in America.

    It is no coincidence that countries with high co sleeping rates among parents have some of the lowest SIDS rate on the entire globe. I lived in two differnt countries, one in Europe and one in southeast Asia and co sleeping was normal. Sids was also low and kids were pretty independent.

    Just saying, co sleeping is a cultural thing....not an attachment parenting thing. America looks down upon what other countries and cultures do for thousands of years. Our infant mortality rate and SIDS rate do not represent a first world nation with first world nation medical care. It is too high.

    It is ironic how you attack love my mommy life. It seems like you are more hostile than anyone else here.

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  • 8 years ago

    Well ****, I suppose it's my turn to get name called cause I agree with mommylife.

    Mind you, we didnt breastfeed and dad had whooped our kids butts a time or two. I fail to see what all the aggression is about. People are different, kids are different, parenting is diffent. There Isn't no one that is better then the other.

    I know plenty parents who follow some kind of attachment parenting and plenty of those who dont. But I ain't never heard a mother or father tell a parent their child isn't normal, or try to undermine them infront of them kids. You give your head a shake. You have created a plat form for negativity and criticism.

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    I am 28 years old and became a mommy when I was 18. My daughter does have chores and responsibilities. For example, it is her *responsibility* to clean her room and make her bed. It is her *chore* to clean the litter pan, feed and water the cat, sweep the floor and wash the dishes...she is nine and I don't think I am doing a darn thing wrong. My baby girl doesn't always like her chores, hence the name "chore", but she sure will know how to keep a clean house and cook when she grows up!

    I have never experienced what you did and, yes, I think the people in your town are crazy. I wonder whats in your tap water?! lol :)

    BTW, my baby girl is 100% independent! She does horse riding lessons and cheerleading and she LOVES school! We NEVER had a problem with separation anxiety! I guess my way of parenting, however politically incorrect, gives my little girl the self confidence to know that she can do anything and to believe that she is truly the prettiest thing to ever grace this planet, lol! Attachment parenting or well adjusted, well rounded, beautiful and outgoing, very confident child...I'll take option two please! Thank you!

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  • 8 years ago

    LoveMyMommyLife sounds like she is about 10 years old.

    @LoveMyMommyLife- Go back to school and learn how to interpret a story. Start with reading comprehension and gradually work your way up. I am actually embarrassed for you.

    Anyway, my own sister does attachment parenting and she is just like the parents you described. She always tries to put my parenting methods down, yet her kids can't be without her for 5 seconds. God forbid I tell my son to clean up his mess that he made. They all seem like they are on their high horse and their children are perfect little angels that will never do anything wrong.

    Edit: I also agree with Trixie. The younger parents are too busy trying to be seen as the best parent. When you are young, you tend to care more about what other people think about you. If you want to be seen as the best mom in the group, you will make it seem like you are never without your child. The older you get, the less you tend to care about what other people think. I think this may be why younger parents are the ones that are into the whole attachment parenting idea.

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    I dont know lots of moms that do that style but the ones i met sound the same way. i think its a trend that will probably go away in the next 10 years and i agree with the person the said not to raising your kids by a label. idk if i even have a certain style i just make each decision as it comes without really thinking about what style it is i just do what i think is best or ask my mom or mom in law if i am unsure.

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  • 8 years ago

    No, I've never experienced that.

    I have a number of friend who do attachment parenting, and they are no more nor less problematic than any other parent. I also know quite a few moms over 40 who do attachment parenting.

    In my experience, people take on an attitude as a defense against criticism. So perhaps these moms are sick of other people criticize their parenting methods.

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  • 4 years ago

    No one is as sharing as us powerful cancers., we`re the most powerful and caring signs and there`s nothing anyone can do about it.

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  • 8 years ago

    Well for someone who is advocating that different parenting styles work for different parents; the attitude towards attachment parenting on this question is pretty pathetic.

    Anywho, I've never parented by a book. Ive never read a parenting book. I had never even heard of attachment parenting until after the fact.

    My child is happy, healthy, and extremely independent. I would not go back and change the way I raised my daughter. We've never had issues taking away pacifiers, sleeping in her own bed, taking away bottles, getting her to put herself to bed, she rarely throws tantrums, we have never needed to spank her thus far, and I've never left her to cry longer then 5 minutes. We're extremely close, I'm pretty happy.

    And for the first poster: co sleeping offers a variety of benefits such as

    Reduces risk of SIDS

    Healthy sleeping habits for mom and baby

    Healthy breastfeeding habits for mom and baby

    Promotes breast milk production

    Promotes bonding

    Co sleeping babies have been studied to have less separation anxiety as older kids

    and better self esteems

    and better relationships with their parents

    So on and so forth.

    As far as suffocation risk goes: extremely low when done safely

    To clarify, I don't care how you want to raise your kids. I really don't. But the attitude I see on this question is pathetic and you parents putting down 'attachment nuts' are absolutely no better. It is no question that attachment parenting has its benefits, based on the families who praise it. I am sorry if that offends you, or makes you feel like less of a parent, but keep your snide comments to youself.

    Your answers here, only promote the questions mocking of those "OMG mothers".

    So you are Insulting people now! Yes, good thing I don't take strangers on the Internet to heart.

    "the attitude towards attachment parenting on this question is pathetic" - I did not realize I was calling you out specifically. An attitude is a general theme or motif.

    However, If -you- prefer the attitude of the people here calling the children who have been raised this way as "not normal" but put me down for defending my family, perhaps its you who has issues and not me.

    Source(s): Attachment Parenting- I love it. It's what I find natural and it works for my happy healthy kids :)
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